To the people who don’t slap the big sacks of rice at the grocery store… why don’t you slap the big sacks of rice at the grocery store?
Is this a thing? I didn’t know this was a thing. Since I didn’t know if you were just punking me, Ashton, I googled this. Oh boy, it’s a thing. Not only do people slap rice, they film themselves doing it. It’s all over the world. I am not going to link to this, because I hope and imagine this will have past if you are reading this in a post Covid era. If you are reading this in a post covid era, where is where we were in December 2020. There is a vaccine now, but the gen pop won’t see it until Summer 2021. I assume that means concerts and movies will still be largely not allowed until then.
But know this if you come from the future. Let me tell you about our people and our time. We did not have movies or concerts. We could not go so sports games, or even hug our own mothers. Yet, we made do. We survived. We motherfucking thrived. How? We slapped rice, bitches! #RiceStrong
To the people that don’t give the tongs a couple of test claps before using them – why don’t you give the tongs a couple of tests claps before using them?
Because they have tongs like this. Worse? WE had tongs like that.
Listen, I get people have struggled. I get life isn’t fair. I get people suffer every day. I know. These are the tongs I had to use growing up. Reminds me of the South Park guys comments on losing an Oscar to Phil Collins. One of the guys said “no matter what horrible thing has happened to you in life, nothing tragedy can compare to losing the Oscar to Phil Collins.”
To the people that don’t give the gas nozzle an extra one or two pumps on the handle – why don’t you give the gas nozzle an extra one or two pumps on the handle?
How about because it is terrible for the environment! Plus, I can hardly fit another ounce in there. My truck is 26 gallon capacity, and its mostly filled up with rice and tongs. Do you have any idea what tongs do to a fuel filter? Its not rhetorical, I really do need to know.
To the people who carefully unwrap all of their presents on Christmas morning to preserve the wrapping paper – Why do you carefully unwrap all of their presents on Christmas morning to preserve the wrapping paper?
I am just thrilled this has veered away from slapping things. You want to talk about unwrapping presents? Normally, that would be boring as shit! However, I have a real story which is pretty great about Christmas and dogs.
To the people who put used tea bags and coffee stirring sticks down the garbage disposal at work- why do you put used tea bags and coffee stirring sticks down the garbage disposal at work?
I don’t. Serious, you guys. Here is the thing, I drink a LOT of coffee. Proof? I am writing this Friday morning. I have stopped twice to make or get coffee. I don’t use those stir sticks. I have a spoon at work, just for coffee. Btw, don’t tell my wife. Drives her crazy. She thinks I am fencing silverware out of the office. I DO have one shitty old cereal bowl at work, and one spoon. I will never cop to it, and she likely won’t read this.
As for tea bags? What kind of asshole puts those down a disposer. I don’t even put coffee grounds down the disposer. Neither should you, look. I ain’t going to tell you I don’t drink tea. I could do that right now, and this accusation of yours would be over. I drink tea, but rarely. Reason is, tea is (on average) 40% of the caffeine of coffee. So, why bother? When I do drink tea… I get me some morning thunder (good name for a band), soak two of those bad boys about ten minutes and ZOOM.
I am Correct 