Friday Fives – yet another discussion that devolves into Alice

Delyth Angharad Gemstone Mandala by Delyth Angharad - Graphic Art on Canvas

What is your “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that” condition?

 Not sure where you are you going with this, but it obviously reminds me of the late Meatloaf.  I never got it.  Never liked his music, I thought it was horrible.  I watched him on the Apprentice, and it was a bully and an all around jerk.  Then, I learned he was a total right wing nut job, and anti-vaxxer.  This is why he is dead.  I know you aren’t supposed to speak ill of people, especially the dead.  But, fuck that guy.  He was mean.  There is no place on Earth or in life for people who are mean.   Well, except that piece above where I was clearly mean.  I am not mean, I SWEAR.

Now, if you follow me around with a camera for 12 hours a day for a month, you may find me being frustrated, but never mean.   With that in mind, and this is out of context and uncalled for… here is Meatloaf freaking out on Gary Busey.  Remember, Gary Busy is effectively, and emotionally, about a 6 year old.  I don’t say that to be funny, I researched it and proved it.  The fun below begins at the 1 minute mark.   Anyone can have a bad day, but ever since I saw this I lost what little respect I had for him.

What’s something from your childhood that you still have?

A crippling fear of the letter L?

My teddy bear.  About ten years ago, he had to have a ‘stuff-ectomy®’ as he was wearing very thin.  I didn’t play with him when I was young, and don’t now.  In fact, I am not totally even sure where he is.  Let’s see if we can find him.  If I can, I’ll take a pic and put it right here.  His name?  I don’t even think I bothered naming him.  I couldn’t find him, he is buried it the closet somewhere.

You woke up and today’s date is January 1st, 2000. What’s the first thing you will do?

Not paint that popcorn ceiling, and start being proactive about back and neck health.   Then, I would give Maury girl a hug (our black lab… we don’t have kids) and tell her is the best girl ever.  Speaking of that, let me share with you on of my favorite quotes “if there are no dogs in heaven, when I die… I want to go where they went’.   Oh boy, truer words were never spoken.  I think that is Will Rogers.  In fact, you can stencil that on my memorial.   Well, only if there is room after this (very real) quote.  “‘It’s a sad day for American capitalism when a man can’t fly a midget on a kite over Central Park.”

Oh, and we would check on that girl who was with us.  We went downtown (Denver) to experience the full effect  As you can imagine, there were drunks and cops and lots of fireworks.  This gal who was with us (sadly, I don’t recall her name) was hit in the face with a firecracker (we can assume it was a bottle rocket type flying projectile.  It was pretty freaky and terrifying.  No one saw the thing coming.  I think we all thought it was a gunshot at first because we were standing around chatting and drinking and all the sudden her face was bleeding.  It didn’t have that big of an impact on things.  I think she grabbed a napkin to staunch the blood and we went back to drinking and wandering.

WAIT, I remember now.  We were downtown because we were going to see Neil Diamond.  I was promised free tickets, which never materialized.

If fast-food workers are described as burger flippers, how would you describe your job?

Not just how I would… but how I do.  I am a ‘cubicle monkey’.  When I go see doctors, of which I have too many of at 49 years old:  a shoulder surgeon, a back surgeon, a knee surgeon, a podiatrist, a general care/primary care doctor and I am sure some others… there are a LOT of forms.  When they ask what I do on those forms, what they want to know really is how your job affects your body.  I sit 10 hours a day slumped over a keyboard, and have for 25 years.  To say ‘call center manager’ doesn’t convey that.  The term ‘cubicle monkey’ does.  You are free to use that.

Btw, I worked fast food as a teenager for a few years, everyone should.  If you work at a place that isn’t totally psycho (and I didn’t, luckily) ANY restaurant job on Earth is about one thing… cleaning.  That is what a real restaurant operation is… from fast food to a Bobby Flay joint… the food business is about cleaning.  It fucking sucks.

If you had the option to bang any fictional character of your choice who would you pick?

Of course I want to say Alice, from Alice in Wonderland.  But, I am not nearly as bold as her.  That is why she is my hero.  So, let’s say Alice… because that is the kind of person I want to be.  Did you know Alice was a real person?  Here are some pics.  Keep in mind, the book was written in England during our civil war (1865).  But, here is young Alice, and here is older Alice.  And here is one in the middle.  Note: in case it isn’t implied… I don’t want to be the real person who inspired the book, Alice Liddell.  I want to be the character Alice in the books.  It’s the Alice that Charles Dodgeson/Lewis Carroll created.  Boy, that’s a weird story… the guy who wrote it.  Was a published mathematical genius and Reverend.  He was so embarrassed about his silly book that he used a pseudonym (Lewis Carroll) to publish it.

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