Friday Fives – Muppet Style

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If you could create a new Muppet who/what would it be?

Ed Begley.  Tall and awkward and dorky looking.  Is hyper aware of the environment, and chides those around him to do the same.  He’s super loveable and very funny.  He does get a little bit overbearing on the environment stuff.  He’s not a downer like the old complainey opera box guys.   No, Ed Begley is hilarious… and hilariously self aware.  Look at his joke on the Simpsons

I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.

Wait… I think we may already have a prototype.

ed begley beaker

What movie would you watch a scene-for-scene Muppet remake of?

 Fish Called Wanda.  Obviously, I think just about any movie could be turned muppet.  But to see Kevin Kline’s ‘Otto’ (the only character to win an Oscar for comedy.  Ever. That is how much the academy hates comedy.  Want an Oscar?  Gotta go full ‘tard).  There is a reason Kline gets gold for this role.  He is hilarious.  Its truly one of the great comic performances of all time.  In college, my bike was named Otto.  It was pretty much my best friend.)  Let’s enjoy Kevin Kline as Otto busting out a couple swear words.   Totally safe for work, turn up VERY loud.  Seriously, its fine.  But… don’t call him stupid.

I mean, is there a better comeback in history?  Cleese plays straight man ‘Achibald Leach’*** asking Otto “You are a true vulgarian, aren’t you?”

               Otto:  “You’re the vugalrian, you fuck!”

If Kermit the Frog came up to you while visiting the zoo and asks you to smoke a joint with him, what happens next?

As I have said often here, I don’t like pot.  I am not against it, mind you.  I am all for it!  It just has a very negative affect on me.  With that being said, if Kermit the frog pops up next to me and offers me a joint… the answer is fuck yeah!  Ideally Jim Henson and Frank Oz are there.  Oz is still alive, isn’t he?  He is an American treasure.  He started on the muppets.  I mean.. he WAS the muppets, Henson’s right hand man.  You best know him as the voice of Yoda, though.  Frank Oz is to voice what Andy Serkis is to motion.

Which Muppet are you?

I call the Swedish Chef.  I LOVE to cook, and am sometimes oblivious to the outside world when cooking.  You know that overused trope ‘dance like no one’s watching… blab la bla:”  let’s add this on “cook like you’re the Swedish chef”.  Lots of really sharp knives and shit flying everywhere.  Yeah baby!

Peaceful aliens make contact with Earth. They invite only one noteworthy person who will represent humanity. Which Muppet would you send to represent Earth?

Kermie.  I’ll prolly take the joint away, first.  As far as ‘peaceful’ goes, you clearly don’t know a lot about how this works.  Ever seen a movie?  ANY movie?  They always turn out to be dicks.  Well… almost.

*** John Cleese’s uptight lawyer character is named Archibald Leach.  Sound familiar?  It’s the birth name of film giant Cary Grant.  I think he made the right choice.  How about some bonus Cary Grant trivia?  The man LOVED LSD.  Advocated for it, worshipped it, did more than about everyone except Tim Leary




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