Friday Fives – the last fight

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What are you really, really bad at? Like, hilariously bad?

Ironing.   Fucking HATE it  I wish I could put a larger font there, because I not only suck at it, it angers me.  See, each thing I iron creates a new crease/wrinkle somewhere else.  I mean… I get the principles of it, but unless I am ironing a flat handkerchief I will make more wrinkles than I solved.  I have a workaround, though.  Well… two.  Locally, I just take my dress shirts to a dry cleaners.  But traveling is the big challenge.  If traveling, you gotta look nice.  Its prolly a special event.  AND… all my shit is wrinkled because I had to back it all into a carrying bag.  For that… we now travel with a steamer.  This thing is the BEST.  It has the same effect of ironing, but its idiot proof.  Wifey got one years ago, looks about like this.  I admit I thought it was ‘chick stuff’.  Until… I realized it was my ironing alternative.  Now I am a travel steaming mutha!


During the holidays, this thing just stayed out full time.  I truly wish I had know about this simple ass user friendly technology 30 years ago.  I didn’t have to be such a slob.  This is not an endorsement of a specific product (like something I get a kickback from if you buy).  Quite the opposite – I have no idea what brand we have, and that pic to the left was just stolen off the internet.  the product in general, though, is dope!  Get one and get your shit together!

What song would be blasting if you were driving on an open highway?

Assuming I am by myself… Born to Run.  Have to be myself, though.  See, it’s a very very long song.  Wifey can’t go that long without talking.  Born to Run can not be interrupted.  It has to be paid start to finish.  If I am driving around town running errands with wife, that song comes on?  I change the channel.  That song demands ALL of focus.  I’d have to say it’s the best rock song ever!

So, what do you think WAS in the briefcase from Pulp Fiction?

Your sisters panties.  Gross.  Oh, and an LED light.

How the hell did we get anywhere without GPS navigation?

I always had the mountains, and still do.  Growing up in Phx, we were surrounded by mountains.  You think of Phx as desert… which is correct.  But if you also think of Phx as flat, that is wrong.  Phx is super mountainy, they are just little baby mountains.  But, we lived at the foot of Camelback mountain.  Pretty much anywhere you were in Phx, you could see Camelback Mountain, and it was to the north.  In Flagstaff, we had 13,000 Mt Humphreys always to the North.  Now in Colorado since 1997, the Rockies are always to your West.  And they range from South America up through Canada… so you can’t miss them.  The names change:  Cascades, the Andes, Sierras.  I can even see the mountain range outside my kitchen window, its awesome.  We are up on a hill, at 6,000 feet, so I can see the mountains from CO Springs to the South (Left) all the way up to Longmont to the North (Left)

Point being, if you are lost… get yerself a nearby mountain range.  They are awfully handy.

What’s a song that mentions flowers or other plants?

Huh?  What?  What does that have to do with anything?  I am going to veto that question, for your own good.  Or… am I deflecting away from some issues that I told you NOT to asking me about in front of everyone?  Just kidding, its just a dumb question, Barbara Walters.  I am going to do what I always do when your questions are weak.  Going over to Live Journal to steal their content.  Btw, I thankfully no longer use the term ‘gay’ to describe things which are lame.  I purged it decades ago, and it wasn’t easy.  With that in mind we do need to be honest to a degree here.  That question is gay as shit!

 What’s the last thing you got in the mail?

This.  It’s a guitar pedal.  To you.  To me… it summons the dark lord master himself.  Satin!  Not Satan… Satan is a myth, like compassionate conservatives.  Satin is the dark lord master.  This pedal below, it after 26 years together, it crapped out on me.  Now, I have a ton of other distortion options.  I have tube pedals, ‘distortion’ pedals, and even my Fender Twin amp has distortion channels.  They are all fine if you want to play boogie, or AC/DC or something.  Fine.  But when you want pure chunk death metal early Metallica or Anthrax – Joey Belladonna era – you want I want the DOD Super American Distortion FX56-B.


having spent over 25 years with this pedal, I didn’t want another one  Problem is, this pedal is LONG off the market.  If I know me, I probably bought it used at a garage sale.  I don’t have the time or desire to go hang out at a guitar center to test pedals.  That is an hour away… each way.  And I know what I want.  Enter – and god bless – eBay.  Problem solved, just got it in a couple of days ago.  Am SO happy.  Hail Satin!

With that pedal, and my strat below, there is nothing we can’t do. No lands we cannot cancer!


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