About Lono

My name is Lono. I live in Parker, CO. I have a wifey, horses, dogs, cats, and fish. I write here, as well as a music site www.maybeiamwrong.com I am also in a band called Clownfight. IamCorrect at Gmail.com

Friday Fives – New Years Revolutions

The Life of Ozzy Osbourne timeline | Timetoast timelines

What is a loved band from your past you just don’t care for?

I can’t think of any music I have ‘grown out of’.  IE… I listen to as much Metallica – and James Taylor – as I did 35 years ago.  I guess I don’t listen to the Smashing Pumpkins or Led Zeppelin too much.  Why?  I over did it.  There is virtually nothing left to squeeze from the experience.  I mined it for everything and it treated me well.  its like… you don’t need to hear anything from Zeppelin 4 on the radio ever again, do you?  It’s played out.  There is depth to Zeppelin, but it isn’t on the radio.  No sir, its on Physical Graffiti.  I listen to so much Zeppelin and Pumpkins that effectively I was taught guitar growing up by Jimmy Page and Billy Corgan.  I am not saying Pumpkins and Zeppelin are equal in their body of work and impact.  I am saying I just don’t need anymore of either for a while.

What is your favorite music genre?  

That changes daily,  if not hourly.  Let’s hop over to my Spotify app and see what I have played the most recently.  Not sure how everyone uses their Spotify, but I use mine for playlists.  I listen to music about 50% of the time I listen to anything, the other 50% being books on tape.  Perhaps I have betrayed my age calling them ‘books on tape’.  I remember books on tape, and the experience sucked, here is why.  Listening to a book read to you on cassette tape was awesome… except every 42 minutes you had to flip sides or change tapes.  At least with CDs I think they got that to about 82 minutes a pop.

Sorry, we were talking about music.  Looks like the last few things I have listened to is my U2 Live at the Fleet Center playlist (a DOPE ass concert that is free in Audible, a Cat Stevens mix, and an Ozzy mix.  The Cat Stevens mix is decently predictable, so I won’t bother you with that.  My Ozzy mix, I feel, is terrific.  It goes all the way back to Sabbath, and is as current as a recent duet Ozzy did with Elton.  Yeah, Ozzy and Elton did a song together and is REALLY good.  Here, look.   Wait, first my Ozzy mix

What is the best cover version of a song?

Oh man, that is too broad a topic to give you a one song answer.  I wrote an article about that here.  BUT… tell ya what.  You deserve an answer so I’ll give you one pertinent to only today.  In my list of Ozzy songs above, you will see ‘In My Life’.  This is Ozzy covering the Beatles and he kills it!  Ozzy more than loves the Beatles… Black Sabbath began as a Beatles tribute band, know that?  Yeah, they were called ‘Rare Earth’.  Point being, Ozzy knows his Beatles.  Those knees up top?  They are Ozzy’s.  Know what’s even better.. and weirder?  He gave them to himself.   In prison!

What is the worst cover version of a song?

Prolly that cover of John Cage’s 4 minutes of silence.  Go ahead and read that sentence again, I’ll wait.  John Cage recorded, and so licensed and copyrighted, 4 minutes of silence.  Someone else covered that song (by performing and recording their own 4 min and 33 seconds of silence… and John Cage sued their ass for copyright infringement.  I can’t even try and explain it again, but I wrote about it here.  In retrospect, this true story reads like the set up to the next Monty Python project.

So, folks, what’s new for you so far in  2023?

That remains to be seen, but some travel for sure.  Heck, I’m traveling now.  I write this from Phx, AZ.

Diary of a Madman

Shot in the Dark

You can’t Kill rock and roll

Killer of Giants

Mama I’m Comin home

Goodbye to Romance

Tonight

Ordinary Man   *featuring Elon fuckin’ John!!!!!

Close my Eyes Forever

Dee

Changes

In My Life

Sweet Leaf

Working Class Hero

Fairies Wear Boots

NIB

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Friday Fives – from one week ago

Paul Reed Smith SE Mark Holcomb Limited Run Macassar Ebony (Upgraded!) image 1

Schools district’s are bringing back corporal punishment – were you ever paddled as a school kid?

Paddled?   No.  its not like I went to Catholic school.  Geesh, man… what happened to you that you would even ask this?  I means, is it normal that kids are paddled?  I feel like that is something from the 1800s.   WAIT… I saw something TODAY.

Inside the Christian Reform School From Hell

Ok, so I guess things haven’t changed.  I thought this horrible stuff happened only in movies. Well, stereotypes exist for a reason.  I think its safe to assume that any time any kid is ‘sent away’ to school before college… they are being beaten.  And its why they are being sent there… to beat them.  Fun little side note:  remember the band Marcy Playground?  They got famous for the song ‘Sex & Candy’.  It’s a good song, very hooky.  Thing is, it’s not the song you should know.  I highly recommend this song.  This song is DOPE!  I saw them live and they killed us with this song.  Let me set the scene.  There is a band opening for Toad the Wet Sprocket called Marcy Playground.  I had never heard of them, and neither had anyone else.  Being someone embolded by several drinks… and standing with my dick in my hand at the urinal, I ask if anyone has heard of Marcy Playground?  Guy looked over at me said “no.  why?  That you?”

On the state it is set up for a 3 piece… which means drums, bass, and guitar/vocals.  I don’t even think they had amps out there.  and the drummer was on a very minimalist jazz ‘trap kit’.  That is a drum set that is barely a set. And dude comes out with an acoustic.  Ok, so this is gonna be some mellow jazzy goodness.  Toad is pretty tame music, but this looked a bit lame, frankly.  Dude with acoustic steps up and throws down the motherfuckin’ rock gauntlet!  Even seen the Record Company?  The singer did something with an acoustic  that was SO simple but revolutionary.  He played it to a distortion pedal.  He came out with Poppies and it was much much heavier to hear.  Here is the song, it’s great.  So that is what you hear… but this is what we saw.

Oh, my point being, the band is named Marcy Playground. It was named after one of these horrible schools that just beat kids for the hell of it.  It’s called the Marcy school in… I think it was Minnesota.  The singer, John Ondrasik was sent there as a kid.  Last laugh is on him.  For years every interview would ask ‘where did you get the name’ and he would rail them a new.  Good for him, fuck those sadistic bastards!  Btw, all that above is simply from memory.  Turns out, dude’s name is John Wozniak.  So who is John Ondrasik?  He is the ‘five for fighting’ guy who made the great song ‘Superman’.

If band names were literal, what would be the best/worst concerts to attend?

Spinal Tap.  Bad Brains.  A double bill that will leave you 200K in debt to the hospital.  Possibly also the name of the next Hard Knocks season studying Buffalo Bills.

Forget a billion dollars, it’s ridiculous. How would your life be changed by winning $20,000?

It wouldn’t.  I am blessed, and lucky, and hard working, and a white straight male.  I am doing just fine, thank you.  20K.  Ok, I’ll spend 2K on a PRS and the rest goes to charity.  What charity?  La Puente.  This is a fantastic group who helps the rural poor in the San Luis valley.  I learned about them in the terrific book I am reading listening to right now called ‘Cheap Land Colorado’.  Its’ a Cormac McCarthy setting and characters, but instead told by a foolishly positive narrator.

Tell ya what, I am feeling  benevolent with my pretend winnings.  I give all 20K to La Puente.  Those folks out there on the ‘flats’ of the San Luis valley… they need it.  they are doomed.  I don’t go into it here, but click up top on ‘what I’m reading’ tab and I’ll have a book review up shortly on this.   Rather than put up pictures of poor people, let’s imagine what my PRS might look like.  I am thinking the darker woods, something in bronzy tigery type colors.   ebony fretboard.  10 top. dark and powerful is the look I have in my head.

Paul Reed Smith SE Mark Holcomb Limited Run Macassar Ebony (Upgraded!) image 1 PRS Guitars Private Stock Custom 24 Retro - Koa, Brazilian Rosewood | eBay

i mean, come on.  Just look at those guitars.  I would think even if you don’t play guitar, you can still see these as objectively magnificent.  That one on the left, hoo boy.  Never even seen anything like that.  There is an expression of beauty I admit that I like and use.  When somethings seems a bit gratuitous, but in an aesthetically pleasing way, we tack the word ‘p0rn’ onto it.  Watching the Natgeo channel on a 4k TV?  That is nature p0rn.  Above, you could most definitely call that guitar p0rn.  I like guitar p0rn almost as much as I like p0rn p0rn.  (I am spelling it like that so you can read this at work.  You are welcome, fellow slacker)

I went to this page just looking to steal some pictures, but now I want to buy that one on the left.  Tell you what, since I am stealing his art and image, here is the link to buy the guitar  up on the left if you want it.  Or if you want to buy it for me.  $2K.  I can tell you its worth it just in craftsmanship.

What is a custom that needs to go away now?

 I have no problem with your customs, or mine.  Maybe you need to spend a little less time worrying about what other people are doing, Mr. Question Asker.  I would be interested to hear a female’s perspective on the question.  After ‘grab em by the pussy’ got elected president… it didn’t look good for women’s rights.  In fact, l’d even ask my wife this question were I to allow her to read and right.  Let me re-phrase that, so I don’t sound like a monster.  Were she allowed to read or right.  She still isn’t, of course… but I took the ‘I’ out of it, so I don’t look like a controlling jerkface. I don’t of course, and its for her own good.  

What are some of the most passive aggressive phrases in workplace emails?

Oh boy, I love this shit, because I love words.  Being pissy in the corporate world is an artform.  I am not as good at this as I should be, or as I think I am.  Even though I am quite masterful with words, my emotions and condescension always betray me.  For those of you not familiar with the world and culture of corporate email, here is just a taste.

What you send in email >

“Tim, circling back with you. Not sure if you saw my request from last week”

What you mean by that email

“Sorry, but are you fucking ignoring me?  The balls on you, Tim!  Listen, I don’t fucking like you, either.  But you and I have to work through this.  Just for one goddamn fucking microsecond could you try doing what you are paid to do and lets get past this. No one likes you here, Tim.  Please note I could have copied your boss so she sees what a useless turd you are.  I didn’t, though, Tim.  I swear to god if you blow me off again, I will copy her AND Allen.  Yeah, wanna play hard ball?  Just fucking test me one more time and you get assigned to Allen.  Hope your butthole is plenty lubed up, you misogynist pile of apple warts!”

 

 

Friday Fives – banning stuff

Mandala Turtle (rare species) - Coloring Papercraft - Hattifant

If you had the power to shut down a company for good, which company would it be?

Ticketmaster.  While the ideal convenience of ordering a concert ticket from your cell phone is pretty great, its also moot.  It doesn’t happen.  Between scalpers and fees, any concert that costs $75 on paper is going to be about $300.  That is fine if it’s a once in a lifetime event, but I used to go to rock concerts every month.  My last count of ticket stubs from 1997 to 2020 was at 250 nationally touring rock concerts.  I want TM out because, among other things, its too easy to get a concert ticket.

My thought being, without TM I think it would be possible to get tickets again.  Here is some old timey ‘get off my lawn’ type info.  I recall getting tickets to see AC/DC on the ‘Who Made Who’ tour (ed: note 1986, so our author was 14) at Tower Records.  At 14, I didn’t have a car, obviously.  No sir, I biked to Tower Records – 3 miles in the Arizona heat to get tickets.  I got them, and went to the show, and it was AMAZING needless to say.  If Ac/dc toured now… and they might be touring… it would cost several hundred bucks.  See, scalpers weren’t biking 3 miles to Tower Records to stand in line all morning to get tickets.  I don’t need to illuminate my hatred for TM any further.  But if I could Thanos out any company, it would be them.  Next?  Would be the NFL, or the Catholic Church.  It’s a close tie on those two for evilness.

If you could ban one song from the airwaves, what would it be?

I have no problem with what you want to listen to.  Oooh, wait.  I thought of something.  Golden Earring’s Grand Funk Railroad ‘I’m your captain’.  The body of the song is actually pretty good.  What makes it the worst thing to happen since Chris Brown is the outro.  For an extra 4 minutes there is nothing but “I’m getting closer to my home” about once every 15 seconds for an addition 6 minutes.  Just want to throat punch the guy by the 13th one and tell him “we get it, your almost home, shut up already!”  Don’t believe me?  You are likely used to the radio edit which cuts a lot of that out.  Go ahead, see for yourself.  The song is effectively over by 4:23 seconds.  And it’s a 10:12 minute song!   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fryGyqTJPU

Speaking of outtros – one of my favorite songs in the world is just an outro.  I have to admit as a musicologist, I am not totally sure the term ‘outtro’ exists.  The outro to Layla is just the absolute best.  Back in the Napsters days it was easy to chop of music.  I took the outro of Layla and made it its own stand alone track.  Then, I dumped the rest of the song.  Really, you can think of the whole song of ‘Layla’ as just an intro for the last 2 minutes of music outro.  Here, enjoy it.  You will recognize it immediately.  I took out the cumbersome first 4 minutes of the song… where Eric Clapton illuminates us on how bad he wants to bang his best friend’s wife.

If you could cancel one television show or moment from the airwaves, what would it be?

I have no problem with what you want to watch.  But… I’ll tell you a story anyway.  When I was younger, I had a deep hatred for the show ‘He Haw’.  I didn’t get a second of it, and didn’t get how it would last for years.  I figured there was no possible way that show had the ratings to validate its existence.  Certainly not in Phoenix, AZ.  Maybe this is how people think or talk in the bible belt.  But then I figured out how they did it.  I cracked the code.  They would put He Haw on after a really good show.  I recall it had a lead in of the ‘A Team’ at one time, and on Saturdays it was preceded by ‘Greatest American Hero’.  I surmised the only way that show was surviving is Neilson families would watch a good show.  A real show…  like ‘the A Team’ and fall asleep.  So the programming would roll on while you slept.  Really, I spent far too many hours thinking of things like this when I was younger.

What movie should just not exist?

I have no problem with what movie you want to watch..  But, I do have this…..  just kidding.  No beef or rant here.  Enjoy yourself.  I think it was Darth Pope who said “Do what thou wilt, that shall be the whole of the law”

What typical American behavior should be banned outright?

Speaking only one language.  I think every kid in public school should learn another language.  Like every other country on earth does.