About Lono

My name is Lono. I live in Parker, CO. I have a wifey, horses, dogs, cats, and fish. I write here, as well as a music site www.maybeiamwrong.com I am also in a band called Clownfight. IamCorrect at Gmail.com

Typing class – who’s the dummy now?


When I was in… like… 7th grade, I took typing.  We got one class to do in a semester that was an elective.  I took typing.  Why?  Because it was easy, and the class was entirely full of girls.  This would be like 1985.  Typing was primitive, the whole class only got manual typewriters.  We had only one electric.  So, one day a month each student got to use the electric.  Fast forward to high school, and I took another typing class… and again for the exact same reasons.   All girls, except Tom Hanks.   He even has an app for you phone that can mimic class typewriter styles.

The class was seen by all, my included, as a time waster… especially for a male.  Here is why.  Back then, the only folks who typed were secretaries, and those of course were almost always women.  This is obviously long before computers and such.  Fast forward to today, and everyone reading this (all 6 of you) type every single day, probably all day long.  We all sit at a typewriter.  By the time college came around, we had computers to do papers on.  I certainly did not have a personal computer back then, but some did.  Most all of us went to the computer lab to type and print papers.  Well, by then, I was a typing master.  The women wanted to be with me, and then men wanted to be me.   Ok, not true at all.

I type hard.  Really hard.  You can hear from another room when I am typing.  When I QA calls, if I am listening to an agent who sat within ten feet of me, I could hear myself typing on the recording.  My excuse for that is because I learned type on a manual typewriter.  Those were work.  You had to really hit those keys hard, especially with 10 year old fingers.


With that little throw away tale, I will share this with you.  Did you know the modern day alphabet keyboard layout we know as ‘qwerty’ was designed to be as insanely inefficient as possible?  The letters in front of you were genuinely designed to slow you down as much as they could.  Why?  Typewriters jammed, a LOT.  By that I mean, when you strike a letter, that little level with the typeface has a bit to travel.  If you typed too fast, the next key (or key before it) that you typed would often run into the other one on its way home.  Since then, many great minds have worked to create a grouping that is far more practical.  As you can imagine, it never took hold.  Reason being… we all memorized this layout.

Now if that little anecdote of history doesn’t get you laid at the next party you are at, well… it didn’t me, either.

Now get back to work!   Man, that was some good fucking content.  I can’t believe I don’t charge you guys for this stuff.  It’s gold, Jerry.  

Friday Fives – the anti bucket list

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What’s something you never want to do again?

Nothing comes to mind, but I’ll tell you one that would take some serious convincing… and valium – flying to Asia.  We went to Thailand, which was amazing. I would move there tomorrow.  But the flight, oh boy.  The first flight was a few hours to get to Seattle.  Then, 14 hours to South Korea.  Then, 6 more hours to Bangkok.  That was some brutal shit.  We lost two days to get there, basically.  One day lost in transit, and another day lost to time zones.

Yes, I get these are first world problems, but you asked!  Thailand was AMAZING, as was Angkor Wat in Cambodia… but getting there sucked ass.  I have done a bit of travel writing on my site, if you are interested in more.  These are the ‘Travel Thai-aries

What is something you find easy but that most people have trouble with?

Conversation with strangers.  I learned to read people very quickly.  I can generally tell, pretty much unconsciously, if I can joke or be friendly with someone.

If there were a show called Moderately Uncomfortable Factor (instead of Fear Factor), what would be some of the tasks or stunts?

‘Long haul’ flying.  Again, getting to travel all around the world has been a blessing.  But, wherever you are reading this, do NOT move for 6 hours.  Not even for the bathroom.  And six hours is nothing, that is just to Hawaii.  Anywhere in Europe begins at an 8 hour flight.  Now, add in my add and back problems… and it makes for a long day.  How do you do it?  You do it by being patient and disciplined.  Me?  Valium and Bourbon.  Rinse and repeat every few hours.  Want a good, helpful, and funny tutorial on cheap airplane drinking?  Take it from a pro, me!

What are three items you cannot live without?

Coffee, sleep, something to read

If you had to choose one “life hack” to winning people over, what would it be?

This is easy, and I have mentioned it many many times here.  But I will do it again.  Treat service people better.  Treat them human.  ANY TIME you see someone wearing a name tag, use it!  As you walk up to a retail counter or grocery store store, note their name, quickly.  They will greet you “How are you today, sir?”  “Karen, I am SO glad you asked that.  I think my dog is sneaking the car out at night!”  have some fun, lighten up, Francis.

Oh, here is another.  Don’t be interesting, be interested!

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Without saying your age, what was something that was trending during your childhood?

Had a tv in my room, that was dope as fuck!  I was prolly about 15” across, and black and white.  Then, the fam upgraded our main tv in the family room, so through a series of swaps I ended up with a 15” color tv, all to myself.  That was the bomb!  This is mid 70s.  Actually, not that much has changed.  We have a little 22 inch in our bedroom.  Don’t really use it da or night, but its awesome when you wake in a snowstorm and you can lie in bed and watch the weather.  Or nature stories about Robin’s eggs and nests (wipes tear away)  Too soon! he shouted at the sky.

Have you ever known a murderer?

Oh boy have I got a story for you.  Yes I have. it was related to the Hell’s Angels, my friend went on the run awaiting trial.  This case was so high profile he was put on the US Marshall’s Top Ten list along with Saddam Hussein and Osama.  After about a decade on the run, he was caught in Argentina, and it took another almost 10 years to extradite him out. Wait, I already wrote about this.  Click here, it’s an absolute doozy of a story.  For the record, I never had a bad experience with him.  We were friends and he is a good guy.  All this Hell’s Angels mess murder mess happened after college.  He moved to Phx, and I had moved to Denver.  When I knew him, he was a Deadhead.  That is how we got along so well.  Generally speaking, Deadhead’s are not known to behead people in the desert.  Btw, we don’t know that he did it.  the witnesses suck ass.  Sadly, there is the gal who was killed. 

As for the ‘bad guys’, there were 3 present.  Two Hell’s Angels and psycho undercover cop.  REAL psycho.  Before this, he had been in trouble for running someone over and killing them… while he was a cop.  He did undercover work, and had infiltrated the Angel’s.  He was one of the three people who either murdered, or witnessed the murder, of this poor gal.  and this murder didn’t happen quickly (a la, a gun).  No, she was beaten to death.  Why didn’t the undercover cop break cover to stop the murder?  That guy got kicked off the force and changed his name.  Total piece of shit.  He was (this is documented) not just a murderer, but a drug addict and drug dealer.  Then, there are the other two angels.  Both blame each other, basically.  Thing is, Angel #1 never ran  He got popped and did his time.  Think he is still in jail.  Paul ran, which not only makes him look guilty, but it also means he is not there to tell his side of the story.

I don’t even see this going to trial.  You have one guy who points to the other to get reduced time.  a rat, as it were.  So, you can’t trust him.  And the other witness is a cop not only know to have killed someone and sold drugs in the line of work… he let this shit happen.  An educated guess tells me had Paul not run, and had a good legal team, he would have got maybe 5 years for manslaughter.  See, people don’t go to jail for life for murdering people.  Not even a tiny bit close.  The average murder sentence is 15 years, not far off from bank robbers.  Especially if you can claim ‘manslaughter’ versus murder.  The difference is murder (aka Murder 1, or Capital Murder) is a planned event.  The stuff Ted Bundy did, buying gloves, ropes, trash bags, guns… whatever.  All that shit you see on crime shows where the husband is in Home Depot buying gloves and trash bags the morning his wife was murdered?  Ok, that is murder.  But, let’s say you get into a bar fight, and you kill a guy.  Or, there is a tragic accident that you run over a drunk person who was on the highway at twilight (this happens a ton, you guys)… that is manslaughter.  Its an accident.  At this time, I feel compelled to embed a picture of Keith Morrison.  if you are like me, you have been reading this last bit in his voice.


I watch too much true crime, and I should clarify this has nothing to do with the Hell’s Angels incident above.  But, here is what is weird about the HUGE judicial difference between manslaughter and murder.  If you plan to kill your wife, and then you do.  Its murder 1. You may get life in prison.  BUT, lets say you didn’t plan to kill your wife that night.  You got into a huge fight, you both were drunk, and you pushed her down the stairs, breaking her neck.  That is manslaughter, and that guy prolly isn’t doing more than 5 years in prison.

Unless. You are the guy from the new show ‘the Staircase’, which was also a dateline episode, and then a 10 part Netflix series.  It’s a true story, and its fucked up.  I won’t post any spoilers here.

Regarding the murder I mention up top, there are some links above, but I am not naming names here, as I don’t want this discussion to become any more public than necessary.  See, Paul hasn’t gone to trial yet.  Even though the murder was over a couple decades ago.  I certainly can’t say that Paul did it. I don’t think he did.  But, they are confident he was there it seems. However, the state most certainly has said that.  But this is still an open case. So I am going to shut up.  Also, for the record, I don’t know anymore than anyone else does.  Paul and I had moved apart like we all do after college.  So my knowledge is mostly google.

ooh, wait.  Better than Keith Morrison?  Bill Hader doing Keith Morrison on SNL

So really, I should say I just know an accused murderer.  At least, until I got this text from my wifey last weekend.

baby bird screen cap

with this confession, let’s review what we have learned.  If wifey was out in the barn with a gun, picking off birds… that would be murder.  What happened above, according to her legal team, was a ‘complete accident’.

Can we combine ‘bird’ and ‘murder’?  The assonance is too good not to.  bird murder… burder?

Remember this, wifey… god forgives, but he doesn’t forget.

You’ve just been granted a superpower that only causes a minor, but an extremely irritating inconvenience for the villain, what is it?

People who don’t use turn signals cars stop working. Third offense, I take your license.  Fourth offense?  You should be shot!  What is wrong with you that you can’t use a turn signal, huh?  It takes no gas, no effort, nuthin’.  It is simply a courtesy to me you are about to cut me off.  Fine, cut me off, just warn me.  I even use my turn signal leaving my dirt road driveway out in county.  And THEN… there are the assholes who think they don’t need turn signals on private property.  By this I mean parking lots.  You can see, it is a major major pet peeve of mine that people are too selfish and lazy to let the rest of the world know what they are doing with their 1,500 pound missile.  If you are going to move that car missile in and out of other cars missiles… just fucking warn me.  I am embarrassed to admit that I don’t even know if it’s the law

 Same with anyone driving around in a snow storm and doesn’t have their lights on.

What random sentence can end an argument?

Let’s have some fun with this >

  • I just shot your dog
  • I fucked your sister
  • I have cancer
  • You have cancer
  • We are being watched right now
  • Oh yeah?  Sure I slept with bridesmaid, but YOU killed those Robins eggs
  • Did you hear Tom Hanks was shot
  • You are right, and I apologize

What song did you realize was actually really dark when you got older?

Every pool hall aches!  That is a callback to this article, but its ‘Every Breath you Take’.  This song is romantic on the face of it and is supe popular at weddings.  But, its actuallty a super dark tale about a guy stalking a woman.  Read the lyrics now that you know that, and it will give you chills.

  1. ***  a couple notes about our cover today.  I just realized a bird’s nest is a perfect mandala design.  This is not a pic of the nest she so recklessly and violently destroyed.  Obviously, she did know it was there.  But those are the kids of eggs.  Robin’s eggs.  they are a stunning blue, and truly I find the eggs more beautiful that the bird.  and the burder wasn’t her fault. the nest was unseeable by the eye.   It was a pretty smart location, as the birds have to consider the cats, the dogs, snakes, and whatever else eats eggs.  Owls?  Neighbor Jason?  Become a Patreon contributor for more behind the scenes gems like this!  Just kidding