Friday Fives – tiempo para futbol


The NFL season begins tonight.  Do you follow football? If so, when did you start to follow the game?

Yes I do.  I LOVE football, and in fall I kinda build my life around it.  As for how long, never remember not being involved or watching.  Watching my perennially hapless Bills blow it year after year.   Four superbowls in a row!  No one remembers that.  They remember us losing 4 superbowls in a row. Norwood! (shakes fist in the air).

Don’t worry if you don’t get that reference, Bill Buckner does.

I have written a good bit about the NFL in these pages, rarely was it nice.  I am conflicted.  I LOVE pro football, but I HATE the NFL as an organization.

Why do NFL teams get the title of ‘world champions’ when no other nationality competes?

Why is the heavy lifter ‘mister universe’?  those aliens have mad lifting skills, you speciest!

If Americans started calling soccer “football” like the rest of the world, what would be a good name to replace American football with?

Corporate Smashmouth®

In 10 words or less, explain American football to a foreigner. 

That wasn’t a catch.  Didn’t complete ‘further act of football’.  *** was that ten?  I am a musician, don’t come at me with math, bro.

 You can remove one rule from the NFL. What is it and what does it do to the game?

Instead, I am adding a rule.  I wrote about this years ago.  If a QB can throw a ball up in the air, and catch SAME ball… and get in the endzone… that is worth 14 points.  Think how much more entertaining ‘upside down’ games would be!  Instead of tuning out a game where team is down by 30 points… you would be ALL the more needing to stay and watch… knowing they would execute that play.  You are welcome, 4th quarter advertisers.






Friday Fives – more movies, I guess

What movie can you watch over and over without ever getting tired of?

there are many, but tops is probably Princess Bride.  I know that isn’t exactly a deep reveal.  Lemme see if I can give you a ‘deep reveal’.  the movie Big Fish.  It is just absolute perfection.  I don’t know any of the dialogue to it, but it is masterfully made.  Imagine this for a second… imagine if Tim Burton tried to make a beautiful movie… instead of a dark movie.   Well, he did!  This is Tim Burton.  This means, of course, he gave his wife every roll in the film.

but seriously, find it and BUY it.  Don’t just rent it.

Wanna go deeper, and weirder?  the favorite movie of my youth was Harold and Maude.  It’s literally a Tim Burton film before Tim Burton was born.  Cat Stevens does the whole soundtrack, too.

Replace a word in a movie titles with “fuck”, what’s the movie about now? 

we goin’ rule 34?  Big Fucking Fish.  Hmm.  Pretty sure that is about Kanye and fish sticks, fam.

Which minor character do you wish had their own spinoff?

I think we could all watch a feature film of Miracle Max’s life.

What is the biggest movie plot-hole you have ever seen?

nothing I can think of.  I am a pretty big fan of suspension of disbelief.  I LOVE movies.  When I can, I watch a movie every night.  Sadly, I am not a big critical thinker on this stuff.  I know there are people who LIVE to find these errors, and it seems so sad.  You watch a movie to be entertained, and to put yourself in their hands.  if you do this to look for problems, you should put that energy into science.

What movie made you most paranoid after watching it?

I don’t watch scary or horror movies.  I can’t handle them.  Here is an example, years ago we were watching a Nicole Kidman horror movie called (I think) the Hours.  So long ago, it was probably on VHS.  We were watching it at night.  I was so freaked out I had to stop it and could only finish it in the daylight.

YET… if these horror movies are thoughtful and interesting, I am in.  I loved Get Out, and I think ‘Cabin in the Woods’ was brilliant!  Tucker and Dale vs Evil is also super super good.  On the other hand… something like ‘Saw’… I could never watch that.  And if I did… it would have to be daylight out.  Not something I could watch at home in the dark.



Friday Fives – It’s Electric!


What isn’t nearly as dangerous as people think?

Electricity.  Working on electrical in your place is EASY.  Just turn off the main breaker.  Electrical is super simple, you have 3 wires at most.  When you do turn the breaker back on, nothing will explode.  If you did it wrong, it will quickly and safely short out on the breaker panel.  Rinse and repeat.  It is plumbing that scares the hell out of me.  Not because of poo, either… but plumbing done wrong can cause thousands of dollars of damage quickly.  And there are no safeties built in with water like there is for electrical.

btw, this isn’t a brag.  I often do really really dumb things around electricity.  We have a horse fence that is very strong.  You know, enough to freak out a 1200 pound animal.  If you touch that, it isn’t bad.  It’s just a light shock… like a 9 volt battery on your tongue.  Unless… that is… you accidentally grounded yourself.  How do you do that?  Well, you are grabbing the fence handle that hooks around the gate.  Hooking it on the gate like that completes the circuit and makes the whole thing live.

Turns out, there are other ways to ‘complete the circuit’.  I know it sounds like some kind of porn expression also involving tequila.  I wish it were! On more than one occasion, I have found myself against the gate with my torso.  This part of the fence is metal, and dazzlingly conductive.  If your arm brushes up against that little metal string filament… it’s showtime.  Wifey said she heard me scream from inside the house… a football field away with all the windows and doors closed.

Point being, I am more Doc Brown than Nicola Tesla.  BUT… doing electrical in the home is no big deal.  Get out there and start sticking forks into sockets… it’s pretty great.

What flaws do people often brag about?

Not following the basics of politics.  “oh, I don’t pay attention to all that noise.”  Well, you MUST.  It’s how we fix things and hold these bastards accountable.  They count on the electorate not caring.

What is the loudest thing you’ve managed to sleep through?

An earthquake.  Well, mostly slept through.  I woke up one night hearing the drunken idiot roommates bashing around upstairs.  This was college, and an old house… so this wasn’t news.  Turns out it was an earthquake.  Didn’t know until the next day.  Being from AZ, and this was in AZ (Flagstaff)…. We don’t get earthquakes.  It wasn’t until I was vacationing outside of LA that I finally got to be in a proper one.  It was rad.

What’s the cringiest thing you’ve ever seen a person do in public?

Breast feed!  Just kidding.  Who could be offended by feeding a baby?  Or anything that involves naked boobs?

I can’t think of anything offhand.  I saw a dead guy in college.   Does that count?  Admittedly, and thankfully, I’ve had a pretty great and sheltered life.

What’s the dumbest thing you believed as a child?

That water was free.  Like, that the water that came out of your tap at home was a magical and god given right as a taxpayer.  Thought the same about garbage collection.  Man was I disappointed when I finally became a homeowner!

and that adults had their shit together.  You assumed everyone’s parents were regular functioning working people.  Not like me and my dipshit friends.  Then, you realize there is no normal, and all your dipshit buddies are now adults and raising kids.


friday fives – light traffic reading


What is the weirdest thing you’ve seen while in traffic?

Driving on the highway/freeway in Florida about ten years ago.  We are going freeway speeds… about 60 or 70.  Looked to the right, and saw a lady in a sedan reading a paperback.  Driving… and had a paperback book braced against the steering wheel.  Found this photo on google, but it replicates the idea.  Imagine looking over and seeing this guy pacing you at 60 mph.


Add ‘ing’ to the end of a movie title, what is the movie about now?

Spinal Tapping – a movie about groupie sex for back surgeons

What is the funniest name you have actually heard used in the real world?

Saw this today, on caller ID at work.   True story.  Donkey Love.  Not sure which name was first and last… but either way it is pure gold, Jerry.

What is something that you absolutely hate waiting for?

The meds to kick in

What game did you have an unhealthy addiction with at one point?

10×10 game on my cell phone… a kind of reverse tetris



Dennis Wilson caused Charlie Manson

Strong statements, I know.  Lemme ‘splain.


Dennis Wilson, in my eyes, created the monster that is Charlie Manson.  You may or may not know that Charlie’s goal in life wasn’t to be the greatest psycho of all time.  Charlie was a musician, and took that very very very seriously.  Charlie wanted to be a folk rock star.  Charlie was hanging around SoCal trying to get his songs heard, published… etc.  This is all harmless so far.  Charlie meets Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys.  This wasn’t a ‘nice to meet you’ at a cocktail party.  Charlie and his girls moved in with Dennis.  They partied and recorded together.  Dennis thinks Charlie is a genius, and true musical talent.  Problem was… Dennis was the only one who saw that. Dennis brought a Charlie song to the Beach Boys and it was released and very successful.  Fun thing was, Dennis changed the lyrics and took all the credit for the tune. Charlie no likey that.

“We actually recorded that song,” the Beach Boys’ Mike Love says in the excerpt. “I was never told the origins of the song. As far as I knew, Dennis had written it.”

The song theft enraged Manson, who threatened Wilson and at one point left a bullet on the drummer’s bed. “I gave Dennis Wilson a bullet, didn’t I? I gave him a bullet because he changed the words to my song,” Manson told Diane Sawyer in an infamous interview.

It’s important to note, Dennis Wilson was mostly a drunken asshole who was lucky enough to be born adjacent to Brian Wilson.  Also, a stunningly handsome dude.  I am not sure why I felt compelled to add that… but just look at the guy.

So.. Charlie finds Dennis… a couple of narcissistic aholes.  Dennis thinks Charlie is a really good musician and his songs are worthy.  Fact is, that is likely true… we’ll never know.  Remember, before Hitler tried to take over the world… he was just an artist who wanted to go to art school. He was a pretty good artist, too.  Dennis thinks Charlie is so great, he introduces him to Terry Melcher.  Terry Melcher was THE hit maker of the era.  You have heard of Phil Spector?  Terry was that level.


Charlie, meet Terry.  Terry, meet Charlie.   Charlie is the next big star.  Charlie?  Dennis is going to make you the star I think you are.  Charlie, Terry Melcher here is going to give you a recording contract.  Charlie, soon… everyone will know your name.

This is all Dennis Wilson’s fault.  Not maliciously, mind you.  Really, most of these folks are just victims of circumstance.  This is why Charlie didn’t try and murder Dennis.  Charlie went to murder Terry Melcher.

Keep in mind, Dennis let Charlie (and his hot and pliable harem) live with him.  For some reason,  though, Terry Melcher isn’t bullish on Charlie.  It could be the music wasn’t that great… it could be because Charlie was already batshit crazy.  Terry walks away from promises (says Charlie… anyway) for a recording deal.   Charlie FLIPS.  Charlie sends 4 folks to Melcher’s house to ‘kill everyone in site’…   and they do.  Thing is, Terry Melcher didn’t live there anymore.  Susan Tate and Roman Polanski did.

Next night, Charlie sends another four to murder everyone in a different mansion. Why?  My theory is to cover up the first murder, so it looked random (and then wouldn’t be possibly tied to Terry Melcher/Charlie Manson connection).  This may sound extreme… but there is precedent.  Remember the Tylenol poisonings?  That all came from a guy who poisoned his wife… and then poisoned a bunch of other people to make it look random.

The ‘race war of Helter Skelter’ Charlie sold everyone on?  Don’t think he believed it, himself, for a second.

I truly think the entire Manson murder spree was simply Charlie trying to get revenge on Terry Melcher for reneging on his recording contract promise.  You can, and should, blame all of this on the late Dennis Wilson.  Oh, and Charlie.

*** why am I talking about this now?  Well, there are 2 Charlie Manson movies on the horizon as I write this in Aug 2017.  Tarantino is doing one, about Charlie.  And there is one starting filming this summer about Dennis Wilson during this era.

Friday Fives – quit yer job


If you could quit your job and pursue your hobby full-time with financial security, what hobby would you pursue?

Writing.  I enjoy all writing.  Obviously, I prefer the kind of writing where I can inject my opinions, perspective, and humor.  However, I think I would even enjoy mindless drivel like writing for People magazine.  I mean, as a full time job?  Yeah, writing is great.  I do it anyway… why not get paid?

If you enjoy my writing, and I truly hope you do… here is some more.  There is this site we are on right now, of course –  I also have a site that is just my music writing.  Quite pleased with myself, that url is Maybe I am  Get it?  On social and popular culture issues, I pretty much am confident that I am Correct.  Music, though, is subjective… so why be a dick about it?  I also used to write for Blogcritics, and have done a good little bit writing for various guitar magazines.

Oh, there is also my newest endeavor – Remember the 27.  This is a website specifically dedicated to looking at the phenom of rock stars dying at 27.  I assume you have heard of it… a freaky disproportionate amount of rock stars die at age 27.  It goes back to the 60s, with Brian Jones, PigPen, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Shannon Hoon, Bradley Nowell, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse… and on and on.  Oh… how about this, the original 27 club member – bluesman extraordinare >   Robert Johnson

What’s a hobby others have taken up that just baffles you?

Golf.  I am neither for it, nor against it.  I just don’t get it.

What was your’s father’s hobby? Is it relevant now?

Running.  No.  In fact, one of my favorite HST books (and the last long form book he ever wrote) is about running.  At the time, 1980, it was a hip new odd trend.  So… Rolling Stone sent Hunter to Hawaii too look at this phenomenon.  Side note – this very book is where I took my pen name, Lono, from.

What is your mother’s hobby? Is it relevant now?

tennis.  Yeah, still being played.  That sport is not lost on me, I think it’s terrific.  In fact, in case you are curious just exactly how incredibly Caucasian I am… when I was young… mom sent me to tennis camp at the nearby country club.  I don’t thinks that was so much to teach me strength and sportsmanship… but just to get me the hell out of the house during summer.   Well played, mother.  Well played.

What do you imagine your favorite superhero or celebrity’s favorite hobby is?  

Eddie Vedder?  I think we can safely assume he spends more time than he cares to admit googling me.


Friday Fives – Whodunnit?


The great questions that plague mankind.  Bonus complication, only one word answers… except you may expound on one (of your choice)

Did Oswald act alone to kill President Kennedy?


Did President Trump knowingly collude with Russia for assistance with his election?


Was Tony killed in the last episode of the Sopranos?


Did OJ kill his ex wife?

super yes

Amelia Earhart – captured, or crashed?


Now, I will choose the least obvious to expound on… Amelia.  Here is the thing, she wasn’t instrument rated, she was ‘VFR’.  How the hell do you expect to cross the Earth without knowing how to read instruments?  What do you do in the dark?  She wasn’t alone, see.  She had a navigator who did stuff like measure azimuth’s of the sun’s arc to see which direction they were heading.  Also, at night, like an old timey pirate… they navigated by the stars.  Tough to do when you are in a windowless enclosed tin can.

PLUS… some new information surfaced a few years ago.  I am not talking about this photograph, as it has since been debunked.  They found some old press footage of her taking off on her last big leg.  A news team captured something no one had noticed for 60 years… something tiny breaks off the back of her plane as she is taking off.  We now know it was likely her antenna.  Being a visual flight rules person, your antenna is everything.  I know over the Western half of the US, airplanes fly by getting the AM signal of KOA radio.   At night, and only at night, AM radio waves travel thousands of miles.

So, I think they got lost over the ocean and sadly dropped into the water right around daybreak… never to be found.  See, we don’t have any good intel on her last spots.  Since her antenna was broken… we don’t think she knew where they were, either.  Let me close with this – what she did was an epic leap forward in all of aviation… and especially for women-folk.  However, not knowing how to read instruments kinda sets women stereotypes back a bit.  I mean… come on!  You are going to fly across the Earth and you don’t know how to work the dials?  That is embarrassing, and dangerous.  In that sense… we are common.  I, too, do not know how to fly by IFR (instrument flight rules)… or VFR (visual flight rules).