What is the single worst movie you sat through hoping it would get better, but didn’t?
Gangster Squad. I see, with that title, I should not have been expecting Academy award performances… but its’ terrible-ness still sends me into fits whenever I think about it. It is a movie about gangsters, but that isn’t important. I watched it, and stuck with it… because of the cast. This may be the greatest cast ever assembled. No, really. Look!
- Ryan Gosling
- Josh Brolin
- Nick Nolte
- Sean Penn
- Michael Pena
- Emma Stone
- Giovanni Ribisi
That is what breaks my heart. I don’t care that it’s a shitty movie, there are millions of those. I care that you wasted that cast on such dreck. Look below. On the left is what we expected just looking at the IMDB write up on the movie. the LEFT.
Now, look on the right. That is how the movie turned out. Same painting. This is the story of ‘monkey Jesus’, and the cleaning lady who went to restore it. True story. I am thinking the Monkey Jesus cleaning ladymay have punched up that script for them.
Only the Departed had a cast like that, and that movie was terrible, too. Gangster Squad was just so bad. It killed me to think of this talent pool suffering through this. Let me see if I can find a mean review to articulate what I seemingly cannot. Let’s ask this gent, clearly a movie snob (who nails it)
What hit American tv show do you just not get the appeal of at all?
Mama’s Family. It was a wildly wildly successful show starring Vicki Lawrence as a cranky grandmother. There it is, everything you need to know about that one trick pony (the show, not Vicky Lawrence). It wasn’t just not funny, it seemed actively hacky and bad. That then right there is when I came up with an explanation of how terrible shows survive… This is good, I don’t think I have ever shared this silliness.
Tv ratings used to be determined by Nielson boxes, and Nielson families. This was a box they hooked up to your tv and recorded everything you watched. I never knew a Nielson family, probably because they signed a big ass NDA. Each member of the household would get a personal code to punch in when they watched something. That way, they knew if a show was big with housewives, or early teen males… etc etc. It’s clunky and basic, (like your sister***) but we are talking pre-computer age. I believe to get the data they initially had to come pick the thing up and get info… but then they got fancy and were able to send the data over telephone line.
Back then, the way they pushed a new show out was by putting it on directly after an established and successful show. See NBC in the 90’s, and ‘must see tv’. They were brilliant. Well, my theory is people put on the show before Mama’s Family, because it was good. Then, when the offending show in question came on… the watcher was paralyzed with apathy and sleep. So, the numbers kept coming up peachy. I feel this is how Hee Haw survived as well. They put it on right after ‘Greatest American Hero’ in the 80,
What was your favorite television show as a kid? Why?
Greatest American Hero, and the A Team. I can tell you that these shows don’t hold up terribly well, but Greatest American Hero is still watchable. The special effects are just terrible. Well, special effects didn’t much exist for TV back then, so it was really more of trick photography. I loved that show so much I took a bus across town to buy the record single. ‘Believe it or not’, by Joey Scarbury. Yeah, I even remember the dude’s name who sang the theme song. Keep your undies on, ladies.
As a kid, you get obsessed each fall over the Saturday morning network cartoon line up?
I don’t recall almost any of the cartoons I watched as a kid. I can tell you the ones I didn’t watch (that were all the rage), GI Joe, Transformers, Strawberry Shortcake.
My life was governed by one, and only one, show. It wasn’t Saturday morning, either. It was every day after school at… 2 pm? 3 pm? Something like that. Scooby Doo! I loved that show, and never missed it. It’s funny, as we now know that they pretty much shared the exact same plot every episode. It goes thusly
The gang gets wind of a haunted facility. Early on in the episode, we meet a fairly benign… but always a bit standoffish… elderly white male. The gang would spend the next 20 minutes dealing with super scary stuff. At the end of each episode, we found there was never any supernatural goings on. It was the elderly care taker just trying to scare off people… so that he could have the ____ all to himself. It was always a mask, too. A mask that was terrifyingly real for the first 25 minutes of the show, and then revealed to be a crappy plastic mask with those rubber bands stapled in the back. Like… here is how the bad guy appeared through the show –
Anyhow, he would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling kids and that dog!
Add “and Hitler” to the end of the title of a book, movie, or TV show. What is it about now?
Hitler in Wonderland. A young Adolf discovers a whimsical and nearly perilous world that brings delight and silly new friends at every turn. Though, our young protagonist has not the coping skills of Alice. In frustration, he hangs the white rabbit from the Jub Jub tree. Then, blames the Jews for it. The Cheshire cat’s smile quickly fades.
The kooky thing is the book predates Hitler and WW2 by almost 100 years. We think of Alice in Wonderland being written in the 60s, with all it’s trippy and druggy passages. It was. 1860s!
ed note: YIKES. This is a thing. Really. Look.
*** Look at me growing. Sister jokes! I used to make jokes about your mother. It’s silly and fun. I am moving past that, America. I am taking my petty snarky mean and unnecessary comments to your sister. Your mother is a saint!