Batshit Crazy

This is a term Hunter Thompson used to use for folks like the guy below. This guy is explaining to Congress and Homeland Security that their is a Government helicopter in his back yard spying on him. This is too surreal to explain further. Careful, this guy flies into a crazed tailspin of angry verbiage at the end… so keep the volume low at work.

Man, talk about someone in need of a good smackin!

*** best part:  he mentions his ‘wife’ somewhere in the rant.  Me thinks he is talking about his cat(s)

Oh, now it’s a disease?

You know I like to talk medical with you folks, and lord knows I am qualified. You remember some time ago we talked about how America is tranquilizing their teenagers, then wonder why they get depressed. At the time, my diagnosis for a troubled or anti-social teenager is a good smackin’. This would save American business exactly one kazillion dollars in fees, lawsuits, and medication subsidies.

Shortly after my breakthrough on teenage problems, I broke the news right here in these pages that people were chopping off their limbs on purpose. Don’t worry, some doctor gave it a name (body integrity identity disorder) and now they ain’t crazy… it was a disease. That is what the doctor says. Guess what I say? They crazy. I mean, like, still votin’ for Ralph Nader crazy.

As I write this, Mayo clinic researchers are beginning to study the medicinal value of a good smackin’ and are seeing great potential. You can thank me for that. I am working on the patents now.

I can’t solve everything folks, but I thought you should here this from me. Are you a bad driver? Are you a total asshole in traffic? Don’t worry, you aren’t a dick… you just have the very recently discovered ‘intermittent explosive disorder’ . This is the new term for road rage. CNN actually cataloged this story with their diseases section today (check the URL). Well, that excuses everything doesn’t it? In fact, I am going to go back to running motorists off the road… and then sue the government for violating my civil rights because I have ‘intermittent explosive disorder’.

It gets better. In the study, they mention this little gem:

Most sufferers in the study had other emotional disorders or drug or alcohol
problems and had gotten treatment for them

Oh really? Highlight this part, ‘other emotional, drug, or alcohol problems’. So, this isn’t about road rage at all, is it? This is about jerks. I know, I am one. Being an asshole is not a disease, though it can be fatal. Don’t worry, they have a treatment for that… it is not booze. Nope, my suggestion is cheaper and safer for all involved. A good smackin’.

I mean, like… baseball bat to the head kinda smackin’. Tell me if that cures your road rage, you little Jetta driving in and outta every lane in a huge hurry because you are 23 and you are late for your shift at Burger King you Good Charlotte listenin to fuckstick.

Are you crazy?

Good news, you are not. There has been some debate over what crazy is, where it comes from, can it be treated. I used to think I was crazy for the longest time, really. I used to think I would spend life alone as a weird eccentric on the beach in Mexico… and I was good with that. Turns out I ain’t crazy, just strange. Nothing wrong with that, eh? So, what is crazy? This is crazy. Let’s hear from one of these folks now:

“I wasn’t born in the correct body,” said Lilly, who has twice tried to amputate her legs. “The mind doesn’t connect up to the body at all.”


It is a story about people who amputate stuff off themselves because of a negative body image. It begins with a guy who methodically, and personally (meaning, without medical assistance) froze off his legs with dry ice so they would be removed. That is some crazy. I ain’t talking about Uncle Lenny crazy… I am talking about that fancy store bought crazy. Anyhow, Doc says this:

The rare condition is called body integrity identity disorder, or BIID.

No sir, this condition is called crazy. In fact, it ain’t a condition at all. Three people don’t constitute a condition. There are three guys are work right now with black eyes they got from their wives. Is that a condition? Nope, just three guys who drink too much and needed a good smackin’.

Ooohh! Lookie at this quote.

aside from this obsession, First said his BIID patients can appear to be mentally healthy

I beg to differ. If you run across someone sawing off their arm in the park… you know something is up. You know they crazy! To be fair, this is the last words of one of the dudes who amputated his legs and arm: What the hell was I thinking?

Now, don’t you feel better about yourself?