Friday Fives – Todd is an asshole edition

bob

If you were a cult leader, what are some of the things your cult would believe in? 

Stupid liberal stuff.  Women leaders, no guns.  NO Todd.  Fuck you, Todd!  the more you work and contribute, the less taxes you have to pay.  I’m not talking that Ayn Rand shit where we take care of your stupid baby, either… BETH.

I kinda like this dictum, from Spiderman Jesus – The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.   OOOHHH… I just thought of something funny.  Here is a new saying for the GOP – “the needs of the money outweigh the needs of the few®”

If you started a new sport, what would be some basic rules and the point of the game? 

football, but without the pads.  The game is dangerous because these guys are stacked with 30 pounds of smashing gear.  To reference the great Bill Simmons (great sportswriter who stopped writing,, only does podcasts now) there should be a team weight limit.  In 97, or 98… something like that… the Packers played my new adopted home Broncos.  The Packers had the heaviest O line in the league, no one under 300 pounds.   Broncos had the lightest, with no player over 300 pounds.  This was a sea change, further catapulted by the athleticism of Michael Vick.

If you invented a new food craze, what would be the basis? 

Onions.  More onions.  EVERYTHING needs onions.  Look at you, that much is true!

If you founded a new country, what would one of the tenants of your new constitution? 

No Todd!  Rule #1.   Respect each other.  No guns, unless you are hunting;  No Todd.  Everyone learns to cook, and has to cook once a week.  For me, at least.  Except Todd, who even looks like a total asswipe.  I can not emphasize that enough.  No slander or maiming other’s character.  Except for Todd, who is a lazy, 1 eyed, dog fucker.  Like you mother!  Lastly, no ‘slut shaming’.  Beyond mean, it’s dumb.  If a guy gets laid, he’s a stud.  If a woman does it, she is a slut?  Dumb move, fellas.   Oh, except for Beth.  Beth is a stupid whore slut.  The rest of you ladies, though, are a-ok with me!

 

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