Why I matter so damn much

You know, I get to busy in this work a day world that sometimes I forget to slow down and remind you how right I usually am. Let’s change that right now, shall we. See, back in 2003 (You hadn’t heard the word ‘blog’ yet) I did a little story on United Airlines. United Airlines are simply poorly run. Always have been since I been here, and remain to this day. Anyhow, back in 2003 United was doing terribly as usual. They had a genius idea that to raise profits they would start a NEW airline.

Seems like an awfully expensive way to raise capital, don’t it? This new airline would be a low fare no frills carrier. Because it was United Airlines, I was immediately suspicious they were up to something retarded. They were. They went out and made a whole new airline called ‘Ted’. It was meant to be a play on UniTed, get it? Clever, until I found out that all Ted flights were MORE expensive than regular carriers. MORE money, less services. I did them one better in my piece ‘RetarTed‘.

So, why are we discussing this five years later? Turns out, Ted was a super bad idea. They never made any money, and the ticket prices were never cheaper for the consumer. So, with all the problems in the economy now, United airlines is shuttering Ted.

This has been rather satisfying for me, but sad too. See, United could have avoided this five years ago by lowering fares and negotiating with the unions to be more competitive. They didn’t listen to the market. Worse, they didn’t listen to me. There is a great quote from Richard Branson of Virgin fame. He was once asked how to be a millionaire. He answered, quite seriously, start with a billion dollars, and open an airline.

My point being, I was right. I was correct. I warned you and you didn’t listen. You would be wise to start reading here more. Then, quote me to your friends (often). Then, when my prophecy-like visions come to pass… you will look like a genius. See what I do for you, readers?

fun in the air

silly pilots

So, I was flying back home from vacation the other night. We were waiting on the tarmac waiting to be pulled back. It was hot. To be specific, it was Hotlanta. The AC went off. Then, the whole cabin went completely dark. Then, all of the emergency lighting came on. Normally, this would be extremely bad news on an airplane. We were just on the ground, though. Anyhow, the pilot came on and explained we had a power failure and they were bringing out mechanics. About 20 minutes later, the power came back on (and the AC, thankfully). The pilot explained that we’ll be fine. We just need to power off one engine at first, then the other.

this sounds kinda scary. Then, came this epic epic line from the pilot:

Ok, folks. We just got the mechanics to fix the paperwork and we’ll be on our way in just a minute here. Thanks for your patience.

Seems nice enough, and we were all happy to have the ac back on and get on our way. Then it hit me. What did he just say? Read that passage again. What is wrong with it? One word. One super critical word. The mechanics have fixed our paperwork. This concerns me. I don’t care about the paperwork, I care about the part where he said only one engine was working. Let’s have the mechanic fix that. Anyhow, the flight went fine and I am still alive. However, that experience kinda freaks me out on Delta. That’s right, America. I am naming names here on ‘I am Correct’.