Ok, you have a big interview with ABC this week. As you know, they have been accused of leaning left… so be prepared for the tough questions. You’re gonna need to lie, and lie a lot. So, is there a guide? Personally, when I look to the great stare you in the face and lie at you masters, I look to the White House Press Secretary. These few selected treasures from the Bush admin have spent every waking momeny lying. Hell, they had to. In fact, McCllelan claims he didn’t even know he was lying ever day.
So, what are our choices?
the Ari Fleischer: simply deny every single question or anything remotely controversial. Quick answer is “I never said that. That never happened. You are mis-speaking”. It’s an out and out lie-fest
the Scott McClellan: this is the classic stone wall. “It is our policy not to comment on ongoing investigations.” When asked why you had a trooper and a public safety commisioner fired as revenge for your sister, simple reply “as you know, all of those claims are patently false. I would love to sit here and delieante every single lie and false allegation in that case. However, since it is still ongoing… I am afraid I can’t. When the time is right, though, all will be revealed.
the Dana Perino: act is if the questions are so absurd it is conspiracy based and biased to even ask them. When they show you the documents I have seen on CNN proving you tried to have your enemies eliminated, simply say things like this “to even answer that baseless drivel would be to give it validity. Unlike my opponents, I am interested in facts.” Then, when they show you were the KING of pork procurement in Wassilla (quite until the fiscal hottie you claim to be), imply that a Mayor’s duty is public safety first and politics second. Remember when John McCain himself called you out for being a wasteful spender a few years ago?
Listen, kid. Keep your chin up. You aren’t going to jail for at least a few months. So, pretend the good fight. I wish you well.
*** update > for the record, the photo above is a fake. It is a ‘photoshopped’ manipulation. I didn’t know that when I first posted it today. However, I really, really, really like it. So, it stays. If you want responsible journalism, go hang with the Onion. For details on the doctored milfiness, here’s Snopes.