friday fives >>> unrise… unset®

*update – I had to pull this after briefly publishing it.  It was a mess, and written under the duress of no sleep. It’s mostly the same, but I punched it up a bit.

puppy and i - Dec 2014

1. Other than normal salt and pepper, what is your go to spice to make food better?

onions.  on everything.  if it is being heated in a pan for any reason, it’s getting onions.  If not fresh, I’ll do dehydrated onions.  Either chunk or powder.  If I had a child his name would be onions.

salt and pepper really go a long way, though.  That is assuming you are using good quality stuff.  For pepper, you MUST be cracking fresh pepper with a pepper mill.  It tastes SO much better.  Plus, it looks cool and adds some theater.  It’s not expensive, and truly makes all the difference.  Same with salt.  Yes, fresh cracked salt.  Btw, if this is what you pull out to put on a steak, just stop reading now.  We have broken up.  Don’t even bother going to the store.  Sell your pots and pans and just cook with a microwave.  You sicken me. **** (see below)

If you don’t have a pepper mill, set down your Henckels and your Calphalon pots and go buy one.  See, that is a joke.  If you don’t have a pepper mill, you don’t even know what a Henckel or a Calphalon is.

2. What is your favorite sandwich

The gyro.  A great gyro is ‘proof god loves us and wants us to be happy‘.  Problem with that is, it appears I am super particular about gyros.  I am very rarely pleased with the results. other than that, you can’t much go wrong with a roast beef sammich.

3. What is a food thing you buy in bulk?

spices.  Not because we go through so much, but you pay about 1/20th the cost if you just buy the spices in powder form in a little ziplock.  They are probably fresher, too.  That being said, ‘bulk’ spices might mean a quarter cup, at most.  The savings, though, will sicken you.

How much to buy?  How long to keep?  Well, a few months ago on the Alton Brown podcast.  He had the wonderful and interesting proprietors of the ‘Spice House‘ on.  They said one year.  Does that mean you should take everything in your cabinet that is over a year old and throw it out?  Well, yeah.  Or, more practically, find what you do use,
and keep a fresh stash of that.  Look at this;  fenugreek?  What the fuck is that?  I cook nightly, and I have no idea.  This little container could literally be from a college spice set I bought.  Yeah, that was 20 years ago.

I mean, it could be a great and useful spice.  I have no idea, that is my concern.

4. What food is supposed to be easy to cook but you can never get it right?

ok, listen; this is a great talk we are having and all.  However, I have to shut us down.  I have a couple problems.  One is, I need to be in bed right now.  I recently got a job, which is awesome.

However, I have been unemployed since I was laid off this summer.  Before that, I was the night shift guy for years.  Point being, I have NO idea how to go to bed at a reasonable time.  Also, getting up at 6 am is just ugly.  I haven’t used my alarm in years.
PLUS… we have a puppy only a few months old.  Pic above is him and I.  So, wifey and I have to wake up every few hours to let him go pee.

Apologies, but I can’t finish.  It’s not even late, at least to me.  It’s 10:25 pm Thursday evening as I write this.  At this point, I feel (and look) like Courtney Love after a two week vacation with Charlie Sheen.

5. What is your best Thrift Store/Flea Market/Yard Sale kitchen device you have found?

sorry, man.  Gotta get to bed pronto.  Am too tired to think.  Plus, we just got a new laptop, which I type this on as we speak.  I don’t know its quirks yet.  It’s got a DVD thingy, though, which is nice.  So, my screen is split between you and this concert.  not only is this a great show, I was there!  Seriously, I was.  It was 1989-ish… it was my very first Dead show.

I am so tired I have began to hallucinate in the mornings.  Early, early in the mornings there is this phenomenon.  It’s like the sunset, but in reverse.  It’s spectacular.  I am calling it an ‘Unset®‘.  Isn’t that clever?  I mean, it’s not exactly worth getting up at the crack of 10:00 am, but if you find your self up at that time, check it out!

*** this is NOT meant to be an indictment against Schilling pepper.  half of my spices are Schilling.  That isn’t the point.  The concern is if you are buying this stuff you aren’t getting all the yummy and fighty oils a fresh cracked pepper corn delivers.  You know how you are all careful to keep your coffee super fresh, and not let it touch air, and you grind it only right before you are brewing?  I mean… you DO do these things, right?  Well, I am the same with my pepper.

As for Salt… I LOVE this stuff.  Don’t think any salt will do.  Half your diet is salt, treat yourself, man.  have some pride.  This is the only salt I use.  You can find it at weird places, like our ranch supply store in Parker.

Advertisement

Friday Fives – Geesh, he really just went off the rails on that one

***

allow me to explain a bit before you read further.  I came home from work and spend 7 hours cleaning for reletaives visiting this weeking.  SEVEN HOURS>… AFTER A FULL DAY of work.  now, most of you women say “welcome to my life”. or “that is what you get for having kids”.  I don’t have kids.  So, I got home at 9 am and drank four pots of coffee and cleaned (and watched action movies, of course).  So, I was a little fighty and punchy by the time I published this at 3 or 4 am.

also, I have to admit that I see this country getting SO fucked every single day by people voting against their own interest.  So, I get set off when I see the GOP explain to 50 million uninsured Americans why they don’t want to need health insurance… and then those fuckstards (and by that I mean every single person in the grianbelt) vote against giving themselves health insurance.  Did you know healthcare is the #1  cause of bankruptcy today?  So, I admit I got [ushy and fighty and I shouldn’t have.  At this point, though, i just say ‘fuck em’.  You want govt out of your life?  you win.  no more seatbelts, no more gun laws to protect your kids, no more copys or fire departments.  no more tv.  No one pointing nuclear weapons BACK a the middle East. no more fixing bridges or paving roads.  No more going to the doctor EVER.  You and Ron Paul will all be very happy… for about a week.

you use the govt every walking moment of your life, and they are genuinely there to help you.  Yes, we all know it’s expensive and inefficient but we get to that below.  I don’t even expect you to thank the govt, or me… just shut the fuck up about it unti you educate yourself.  OR… more to Florida.  They literally have NO laws, it is quite something.

1. What is the creepiest local legend in your hometown?

Love Canal.  I am from Buffalo.  We had a small accident with buried toxic waste.  Well, that was the plan.  Admittedly, we didn’t quote know that toxic waste doesn’t break down in our lives.  Well, they knew… but we didn’t it.  So… they buried this all of this nasty stuff outside of a Buffalo NY suburb known as ‘Love Canal’  They buried the stuff and put a whole housing community and school on it.  Figured ‘no big whup’ and kinda didn’t tell people.

According to Wiki, this was in the early 70’s  I MUST stress this timelines.  I am from Buffalo, NY.  I lived there in there early 70’s.   This is not a ‘legend’ or a ‘myth’.  the ground caught on fire.  Good news, that was 40 years ago.  it is STILL a ‘superfund’ site.  I was there three years ago.  it is still abandoned.  Miles of housing and schools just super empty like a twilight zone episode. gone.  emptied, and will forever be in lifetimes.

Here is another gem, Remember Erin Brockovich?  It was that great Julia Roberts film about a  utlitity company killing everyone off with cancer… and then covering it up while everyone died?  That shit HAPPENED. That isn’t a movie.  They fucking killed everyone and got away with it.Well, they were fined $450,000.  That is like asking me not to play a C7 anymore on guitar.  I kinda never was going to anyway.  Thanks, Toad, for putting that in every songl  Major props to the real Erin Brockovich who is still an aggressive environmentalist

Oh, and the company caught killing everyone?  They are doing just fine, no surprise

Then, you had British Petroleum fill the gulf with oil for 87 days.  Longest spill in HISTORY… of fucking EVER.  K?  not the biggest spill in recent memory, or in the us.  The worst still in EVER.  The latest figure are 210 million gallons.  Half the size of Oprah’s pool!

But here is what super pissed me off and scared me about that spill.  Not that it happened so much.  Accident’s happen, and I don’t think anyone had malicious intent (even though it is documented they were warned repeatedly).  I am no energy angel.  I drive a big ass prick up truck.  I admit, I AM the the problem.  But, my point about my concern with the BP spill is no one had any idea what to do about it.  There was NO plan to stop it or burn it off or turn of the hose.  There was nothing anyone on earth could do but watch for four months.

Now we have fracking and climate change concerns.  Don’t bevel me those won’t fuck us?  Think big business will protect you?  This is why I am a Democrat.  It is more than just ‘let big business alone, we all win in the end”.  Big Business willl murder you in a heartbeat for profit.  They always have, and they always will.  AND, they will get away with it.  They always have, and they always will.  If you believe  otherwise you are a dumbshit, gun nut, or religious idiot.

Sorry, didn’t mean to get so preachy.  It started as a quick reference to Love Canal as quick answer to #1 and I started thinking about the AMAZING history of the rich killing off the poor and getting away with it.

You see, I am not a Democrat because I am jealous of rich people, and I want my hand out.  None of us are.  We are Democrats because because the rich and powerful have fucked over the world for too long and never been held accountable.  Quick last example – wanna know how I vote o ballot initiatives?  Easy, the side with the least amount of money.  The poor kids went door to door to get that issue on the ballot and it took them years and thousands of dollars and hours.  Yet, some super rich company is going to produce this ten million dollar commercial telling you everything is fine and stop being such a pussy?  Well, if everything really was fine, why are they spending all that money?  Fracking, Corn Syrup, and Monsanto.  I am looking in your direction here.  If everything really is fine, then get off out dicks and stop spending billions tell us it is.

Do you remember that super expensive commercial where the sun had to prove it made plants?  Remember that campaign about drinking blood of your enemies was ok?  Hmmm.  Maybe because that shit is so obvious they didn’t need an ad campaign.

start here, then here, then here. then here. then here. and this one is just a gem.  Spoilert alert… its the gays.  historic climate change, worse droughts in history, a govt backrupted by environmental disasters related to climate change?  ALL the gays fault… and this isn’t a Fred Phelps story.  This is people interviewing Kansas folk as to why they vote their state unto ruin every single election?  Gays!  Seriously, watch it as long as you can

sorry, I usually keep this lite and fun.  But, for too long YOU have ruined America.  Proof.  YOU.  The latest gallup numbers says Congress approval for early 2014 is 13%

yet YOU assholes have re-ected them at a rate of over 90% for every election for the last 30 years.  Congress is not the problem.  YOU ARE for re-electing them.

same thing with wal mart.  everyone bitches about wal mart.  wal mart isn’t the problem.  They are getting you the best deal they can and maximizing profits in the mean time.  That is the job of every business on earth.  Sadly, wal mart sacrifices human rights and health care to do so.  That isn’t the free market anymore, dumbass.  Wal Mart pays so little that 40% of their employees are on govt assistance.  YOUR tax dollars pay to keep wal mart employees alive.

my point isn’t anti wal mart at all, it’s you.  Don’t blame wal mart for maximizing value.  Blame YOURSELF for shopping there.  Quit bitching and go to Coscto, who pays a living wage offers health care, and was recently called out by consumer reports as one of America’s best stores.   Prices, friendliness, location, viability of employees, and employee loyalty.

see, the problem isn’t ‘they’.  It’s not Congress, it’s not Wal Mart, It’s not Fema or Kansas.  it is YOU.  Take responsibility with your life and dol.  Vote out every single person in congress, your party or not.  Dont’ shop at wal mart, because I just proved to you that you are not saving DICK there.  You saved $.30 on cheese its over Costco, but your paycheck also send $300 a month to the gal who sells who cheese its.  Congress is the most fixable of all.  In football, the guy who drops the ball EVERY time gets fired.  In burger king, that kid who spits in your fries gets fired.  Yet, in Congress… they not only don’t get fired.  they get promoted.  THEN… they vote on their own raises.  THEY, they make a law that says most people deserve spit in their burgers.

well, something tells me this will generate some comments, eh?

2. What’s the nicest bathroom you’ve used?

you know, I don’t much care.  I am bothered by nice place where well dressed black guys sell you toilet paper.  as a white guy, this bothers me a LOT.   I don’t want to pay to poo… and I  certainty feel weird about paying a black guy for the privileged to poop.  WAY too much white guilt for me to process.

but that isn’t my real concern.  my biggest concern is businesses who use cheap toilet paper.  They ALL do  it – including my own company.  I know a guy, and we don’t need to use names (but it’s Tyler) who brings his own toilet paper to work.  As a consumer, it really bothers me.  Would you go to a business that said every time you walked in someone said “hey fatty fuck face” would you?  NO.  That is how I feel about every single business who uses cheap toilet paper.  I can’t think of a single business who does NOT do this.  Admittedly, I am a pretty cheap shopper.

3. What are you the “go to” person for?

at work?  fraud avoidance and detection.  For real like, anything you need to know about trucks or guitars.  Go ahead and ask me, PLEASE.  No one never does.  plus, as you can guess, I am a bit of a politico.

4. What news headline would cause mass hysteria? 

fuck it, there is nothing left to disappoint me about America.  Louisiana and Oklahoma just voted out Fema support through their Senators.  This is VERY pertinent because they are two largest states that require Federal aid for natural disasters.  and don’t be too concerned that BOTH those states have seen the most expensive years in history due to extremes of climate change.  It’s funny, because neither state believes in climate change.  Even better?  Guess who DOES believe in Climate Change, and is already making changes?  The insurance companies.  Because nothing like the disasters we are seeing have happened in the history or the recorded United States.  Righties, do you get the irony here?  You don’t believe in Climate Change (which still drives me nuts, because Dems have NOTHING to gain by making this up)…. anyhow, you think it’s a myth.  You are also dumb enough to trust big business to protect yo.  This is why if you are a righty you are a DUMBASS.  because… guess what… you may not believe it’s happening, but it is.   That is a fact that is doubling your insurance.  Are you getting the irony?  You don’t trust Dems, just big business.  and Big Business is about to start raping your insurance rates for climate change.

get it yet.  whether or not you believe in climate change, your big business buddies sure as shit do and you are about to pay for it.  PLUS…. remember when you shop at wal mart you are not just sending all your racist money to China… you are paying for Obamacare via medicare because Wal Mart won’t pay enough or allow fulll time employees so they can access healthcare.  That is what you get when you save you 75 cents on cheetoes and skoal.

that pic up top, it’s a Firenado.  since I know your buddy in El Camino doesn’t believe there is such a thing…. have him drive into it.

5. What should be done to people who don’t wash when leaving the bathroom?

ah jesus, haven’t I complained enough here already?

Friday Fives – family history edition

lang family 2009 edit

1.  Where did your grandparents grow up?

Buffalo NY.  This is also where my parents grew up, and where I was born.  We had a family business there, but it finally conked out a few years ago.  Super sad,  Basically, losing that business was a death in the family.

2.  When did you family come to America?

Well, I am not totally sure.  It is an interesting story, and I will tell you what I know.  A few years ago, my mom called me and said “some lady is researching our family tree.  She is legit, so please be helpful.”  Awesome, love that idea.  So, she did indeed call and I told her everything.  I asked her what she could tell me so far about our family.  I had thought we were from Europe.  Not sure why, maybe just because I figured all white folks come Europe.   By ‘Europe’, I mean England.  Just assumed that is where we were all from.

Well, that may be, but we did find this out.  The last few hundred years, we go back to Canada as farmers.  That kinda explains Buffalo, being just a few miles from the Canadian border.  Ok, interesting.  But then… radio silence.  Never heard from the lady again, and I don’t think anyone else in my family has, either.  I am not sure if she was a family friend or paid consultant or whatever…  but all I know > according to the lady who them totally blew us off,  I am Canadian.  Maybe that is why I am so polite and funny.  No, seriously.

3. If you had to choose, would you be a Jet or a Shark

Once you’re a a jet, you’re a jet all the way.  That is the only line I know, I have never seen it.  Great line, though.  So, I guess I am a jet.  Is that good?  I also imagine the movie had a TON of people crouching and snapping a lot.  I love that image.  we need more of that.  It’s pretty lame I have not seen this movie.  it is an American classic after all.  I am making a commitment to you that I will watch this before next Friday.  AND… I’ll call my mom (that will make sense in a minute)

4.  How did your name get chosen?

Gosh, I don’t know off hand.  Maybe I’ll call my mom and ask her tomorrow.  I mean, I should know that.  It’s midnight Thursday as I write this.  not exactly the time to wake up my 70 year old mom.  I have the greatest mom on earth and she is in great health and would love a call.  She is also a great conversationalist.  So, why not call her?  Literally, can you call me for me?  Her number is in my phone somewhere

.
5.  What are the classic family stories? Jokes? Songs?

nothing book worthy.  I don’t have an amazing or even inspiring story.  I wish I could tell you I grew up hard, on the streets.  I wish I could tell you ‘love’ meant getting a cigar put out on my arm, or something cool like that.  Nope.  perfect childhood with amazing and loving parents and brothers.  My folks had great jobs, so didn’t struggle financially, and they raised me to be the awesome guy that my brothers and I are today.  This, sadly, is why I will never be the great writer I aspire to be.  My is great, and pretty much always has been.  Not much of a story there.

* ok, so I am up and awake so I figured I should just start the movie now.  It wasn’t streaming on Netflix, but I found it on youtube.  Anyhow, 3 minutes into the film and I swear it is nothing but guys walking low and snapping.  That is super awesome because in my characterization above, I thought I may have been too quick to judge and mock.  So, far, at 2 minutes in, we are at 100% content of crouching and snapping.  Ok, back to the film.

these songs are terrible.  Nothing cathy or hooky.  Just terrible songs.  I am not being a slob and complaining because it is a musical.  I have Grease on my iPod, and Phantom too.  Those are iconic melodies.  Also, these actors can not sing for shit.  Cool dancing and choreography, I’ll cop to that.  If you gave this film to Adam Shankman, he would fix it.