friday fives >>> unrise… unset®

*update – I had to pull this after briefly publishing it.  It was a mess, and written under the duress of no sleep. It’s mostly the same, but I punched it up a bit.

puppy and i - Dec 2014

1. Other than normal salt and pepper, what is your go to spice to make food better?

onions.  on everything.  if it is being heated in a pan for any reason, it’s getting onions.  If not fresh, I’ll do dehydrated onions.  Either chunk or powder.  If I had a child his name would be onions.

salt and pepper really go a long way, though.  That is assuming you are using good quality stuff.  For pepper, you MUST be cracking fresh pepper with a pepper mill.  It tastes SO much better.  Plus, it looks cool and adds some theater.  It’s not expensive, and truly makes all the difference.  Same with salt.  Yes, fresh cracked salt.  Btw, if this is what you pull out to put on a steak, just stop reading now.  We have broken up.  Don’t even bother going to the store.  Sell your pots and pans and just cook with a microwave.  You sicken me. **** (see below)

If you don’t have a pepper mill, set down your Henckels and your Calphalon pots and go buy one.  See, that is a joke.  If you don’t have a pepper mill, you don’t even know what a Henckel or a Calphalon is.

2. What is your favorite sandwich

The gyro.  A great gyro is ‘proof god loves us and wants us to be happy‘.  Problem with that is, it appears I am super particular about gyros.  I am very rarely pleased with the results. other than that, you can’t much go wrong with a roast beef sammich.

3. What is a food thing you buy in bulk?

spices.  Not because we go through so much, but you pay about 1/20th the cost if you just buy the spices in powder form in a little ziplock.  They are probably fresher, too.  That being said, ‘bulk’ spices might mean a quarter cup, at most.  The savings, though, will sicken you.

How much to buy?  How long to keep?  Well, a few months ago on the Alton Brown podcast.  He had the wonderful and interesting proprietors of the ‘Spice House‘ on.  They said one year.  Does that mean you should take everything in your cabinet that is over a year old and throw it out?  Well, yeah.  Or, more practically, find what you do use,
and keep a fresh stash of that.  Look at this;  fenugreek?  What the fuck is that?  I cook nightly, and I have no idea.  This little container could literally be from a college spice set I bought.  Yeah, that was 20 years ago.

I mean, it could be a great and useful spice.  I have no idea, that is my concern.

4. What food is supposed to be easy to cook but you can never get it right?

ok, listen; this is a great talk we are having and all.  However, I have to shut us down.  I have a couple problems.  One is, I need to be in bed right now.  I recently got a job, which is awesome.

However, I have been unemployed since I was laid off this summer.  Before that, I was the night shift guy for years.  Point being, I have NO idea how to go to bed at a reasonable time.  Also, getting up at 6 am is just ugly.  I haven’t used my alarm in years.
PLUS… we have a puppy only a few months old.  Pic above is him and I.  So, wifey and I have to wake up every few hours to let him go pee.

Apologies, but I can’t finish.  It’s not even late, at least to me.  It’s 10:25 pm Thursday evening as I write this.  At this point, I feel (and look) like Courtney Love after a two week vacation with Charlie Sheen.

5. What is your best Thrift Store/Flea Market/Yard Sale kitchen device you have found?

sorry, man.  Gotta get to bed pronto.  Am too tired to think.  Plus, we just got a new laptop, which I type this on as we speak.  I don’t know its quirks yet.  It’s got a DVD thingy, though, which is nice.  So, my screen is split between you and this concert.  not only is this a great show, I was there!  Seriously, I was.  It was 1989-ish… it was my very first Dead show.

I am so tired I have began to hallucinate in the mornings.  Early, early in the mornings there is this phenomenon.  It’s like the sunset, but in reverse.  It’s spectacular.  I am calling it an ‘Unset®‘.  Isn’t that clever?  I mean, it’s not exactly worth getting up at the crack of 10:00 am, but if you find your self up at that time, check it out!

*** this is NOT meant to be an indictment against Schilling pepper.  half of my spices are Schilling.  That isn’t the point.  The concern is if you are buying this stuff you aren’t getting all the yummy and fighty oils a fresh cracked pepper corn delivers.  You know how you are all careful to keep your coffee super fresh, and not let it touch air, and you grind it only right before you are brewing?  I mean… you DO do these things, right?  Well, I am the same with my pepper.

As for Salt… I LOVE this stuff.  Don’t think any salt will do.  Half your diet is salt, treat yourself, man.  have some pride.  This is the only salt I use.  You can find it at weird places, like our ranch supply store in Parker.

Friday Fives – Geesh, he really just went off the rails on that one


allow me to explain a bit before you read further.  I came home from work and spend 7 hours cleaning for reletaives visiting this weeking.  SEVEN HOURS>… AFTER A FULL DAY of work.  now, most of you women say “welcome to my life”. or “that is what you get for having kids”.  I don’t have kids.  So, I got home at 9 am and drank four pots of coffee and cleaned (and watched action movies, of course).  So, I was a little fighty and punchy by the time I published this at 3 or 4 am.

also, I have to admit that I see this country getting SO fucked every single day by people voting against their own interest.  So, I get set off when I see the GOP explain to 50 million uninsured Americans why they don’t want to need health insurance… and then those fuckstards (and by that I mean every single person in the grianbelt) vote against giving themselves health insurance.  Did you know healthcare is the #1  cause of bankruptcy today?  So, I admit I got [ushy and fighty and I shouldn’t have.  At this point, though, i just say ‘fuck em’.  You want govt out of your life?  you win.  no more seatbelts, no more gun laws to protect your kids, no more copys or fire departments.  no more tv.  No one pointing nuclear weapons BACK a the middle East. no more fixing bridges or paving roads.  No more going to the doctor EVER.  You and Ron Paul will all be very happy… for about a week.

you use the govt every walking moment of your life, and they are genuinely there to help you.  Yes, we all know it’s expensive and inefficient but we get to that below.  I don’t even expect you to thank the govt, or me… just shut the fuck up about it unti you educate yourself.  OR… more to Florida.  They literally have NO laws, it is quite something.

1. What is the creepiest local legend in your hometown?

Love Canal.  I am from Buffalo.  We had a small accident with buried toxic waste.  Well, that was the plan.  Admittedly, we didn’t quote know that toxic waste doesn’t break down in our lives.  Well, they knew… but we didn’t it.  So… they buried this all of this nasty stuff outside of a Buffalo NY suburb known as ‘Love Canal’  They buried the stuff and put a whole housing community and school on it.  Figured ‘no big whup’ and kinda didn’t tell people.

According to Wiki, this was in the early 70’s  I MUST stress this timelines.  I am from Buffalo, NY.  I lived there in there early 70’s.   This is not a ‘legend’ or a ‘myth’.  the ground caught on fire.  Good news, that was 40 years ago.  it is STILL a ‘superfund’ site.  I was there three years ago.  it is still abandoned.  Miles of housing and schools just super empty like a twilight zone episode. gone.  emptied, and will forever be in lifetimes.

Here is another gem, Remember Erin Brockovich?  It was that great Julia Roberts film about a  utlitity company killing everyone off with cancer… and then covering it up while everyone died?  That shit HAPPENED. That isn’t a movie.  They fucking killed everyone and got away with it.Well, they were fined $450,000.  That is like asking me not to play a C7 anymore on guitar.  I kinda never was going to anyway.  Thanks, Toad, for putting that in every songl  Major props to the real Erin Brockovich who is still an aggressive environmentalist

Oh, and the company caught killing everyone?  They are doing just fine, no surprise

Then, you had British Petroleum fill the gulf with oil for 87 days.  Longest spill in HISTORY… of fucking EVER.  K?  not the biggest spill in recent memory, or in the us.  The worst still in EVER.  The latest figure are 210 million gallons.  Half the size of Oprah’s pool!

But here is what super pissed me off and scared me about that spill.  Not that it happened so much.  Accident’s happen, and I don’t think anyone had malicious intent (even though it is documented they were warned repeatedly).  I am no energy angel.  I drive a big ass prick up truck.  I admit, I AM the the problem.  But, my point about my concern with the BP spill is no one had any idea what to do about it.  There was NO plan to stop it or burn it off or turn of the hose.  There was nothing anyone on earth could do but watch for four months.

Now we have fracking and climate change concerns.  Don’t bevel me those won’t fuck us?  Think big business will protect you?  This is why I am a Democrat.  It is more than just ‘let big business alone, we all win in the end”.  Big Business willl murder you in a heartbeat for profit.  They always have, and they always will.  AND, they will get away with it.  They always have, and they always will.  If you believe  otherwise you are a dumbshit, gun nut, or religious idiot.

Sorry, didn’t mean to get so preachy.  It started as a quick reference to Love Canal as quick answer to #1 and I started thinking about the AMAZING history of the rich killing off the poor and getting away with it.

You see, I am not a Democrat because I am jealous of rich people, and I want my hand out.  None of us are.  We are Democrats because because the rich and powerful have fucked over the world for too long and never been held accountable.  Quick last example – wanna know how I vote o ballot initiatives?  Easy, the side with the least amount of money.  The poor kids went door to door to get that issue on the ballot and it took them years and thousands of dollars and hours.  Yet, some super rich company is going to produce this ten million dollar commercial telling you everything is fine and stop being such a pussy?  Well, if everything really was fine, why are they spending all that money?  Fracking, Corn Syrup, and Monsanto.  I am looking in your direction here.  If everything really is fine, then get off out dicks and stop spending billions tell us it is.

Do you remember that super expensive commercial where the sun had to prove it made plants?  Remember that campaign about drinking blood of your enemies was ok?  Hmmm.  Maybe because that shit is so obvious they didn’t need an ad campaign.

start here, then here, then here. then here. then here. and this one is just a gem.  Spoilert alert… its the gays.  historic climate change, worse droughts in history, a govt backrupted by environmental disasters related to climate change?  ALL the gays fault… and this isn’t a Fred Phelps story.  This is people interviewing Kansas folk as to why they vote their state unto ruin every single election?  Gays!  Seriously, watch it as long as you can

sorry, I usually keep this lite and fun.  But, for too long YOU have ruined America.  Proof.  YOU.  The latest gallup numbers says Congress approval for early 2014 is 13%

yet YOU assholes have re-ected them at a rate of over 90% for every election for the last 30 years.  Congress is not the problem.  YOU ARE for re-electing them.

same thing with wal mart.  everyone bitches about wal mart.  wal mart isn’t the problem.  They are getting you the best deal they can and maximizing profits in the mean time.  That is the job of every business on earth.  Sadly, wal mart sacrifices human rights and health care to do so.  That isn’t the free market anymore, dumbass.  Wal Mart pays so little that 40% of their employees are on govt assistance.  YOUR tax dollars pay to keep wal mart employees alive.

my point isn’t anti wal mart at all, it’s you.  Don’t blame wal mart for maximizing value.  Blame YOURSELF for shopping there.  Quit bitching and go to Coscto, who pays a living wage offers health care, and was recently called out by consumer reports as one of America’s best stores.   Prices, friendliness, location, viability of employees, and employee loyalty.

see, the problem isn’t ‘they’.  It’s not Congress, it’s not Wal Mart, It’s not Fema or Kansas.  it is YOU.  Take responsibility with your life and dol.  Vote out every single person in congress, your party or not.  Dont’ shop at wal mart, because I just proved to you that you are not saving DICK there.  You saved $.30 on cheese its over Costco, but your paycheck also send $300 a month to the gal who sells who cheese its.  Congress is the most fixable of all.  In football, the guy who drops the ball EVERY time gets fired.  In burger king, that kid who spits in your fries gets fired.  Yet, in Congress… they not only don’t get fired.  they get promoted.  THEN… they vote on their own raises.  THEY, they make a law that says most people deserve spit in their burgers.

well, something tells me this will generate some comments, eh?

2. What’s the nicest bathroom you’ve used?

you know, I don’t much care.  I am bothered by nice place where well dressed black guys sell you toilet paper.  as a white guy, this bothers me a LOT.   I don’t want to pay to poo… and I  certainty feel weird about paying a black guy for the privileged to poop.  WAY too much white guilt for me to process.

but that isn’t my real concern.  my biggest concern is businesses who use cheap toilet paper.  They ALL do  it – including my own company.  I know a guy, and we don’t need to use names (but it’s Tyler) who brings his own toilet paper to work.  As a consumer, it really bothers me.  Would you go to a business that said every time you walked in someone said “hey fatty fuck face” would you?  NO.  That is how I feel about every single business who uses cheap toilet paper.  I can’t think of a single business who does NOT do this.  Admittedly, I am a pretty cheap shopper.

3. What are you the “go to” person for?

at work?  fraud avoidance and detection.  For real like, anything you need to know about trucks or guitars.  Go ahead and ask me, PLEASE.  No one never does.  plus, as you can guess, I am a bit of a politico.

4. What news headline would cause mass hysteria? 

fuck it, there is nothing left to disappoint me about America.  Louisiana and Oklahoma just voted out Fema support through their Senators.  This is VERY pertinent because they are two largest states that require Federal aid for natural disasters.  and don’t be too concerned that BOTH those states have seen the most expensive years in history due to extremes of climate change.  It’s funny, because neither state believes in climate change.  Even better?  Guess who DOES believe in Climate Change, and is already making changes?  The insurance companies.  Because nothing like the disasters we are seeing have happened in the history or the recorded United States.  Righties, do you get the irony here?  You don’t believe in Climate Change (which still drives me nuts, because Dems have NOTHING to gain by making this up)…. anyhow, you think it’s a myth.  You are also dumb enough to trust big business to protect yo.  This is why if you are a righty you are a DUMBASS.  because… guess what… you may not believe it’s happening, but it is.   That is a fact that is doubling your insurance.  Are you getting the irony?  You don’t trust Dems, just big business.  and Big Business is about to start raping your insurance rates for climate change.

get it yet.  whether or not you believe in climate change, your big business buddies sure as shit do and you are about to pay for it.  PLUS…. remember when you shop at wal mart you are not just sending all your racist money to China… you are paying for Obamacare via medicare because Wal Mart won’t pay enough or allow fulll time employees so they can access healthcare.  That is what you get when you save you 75 cents on cheetoes and skoal.

that pic up top, it’s a Firenado.  since I know your buddy in El Camino doesn’t believe there is such a thing…. have him drive into it.

5. What should be done to people who don’t wash when leaving the bathroom?

ah jesus, haven’t I complained enough here already?

Friday Fives – family history edition

lang family 2009 edit

1.  Where did your grandparents grow up?

Buffalo NY.  This is also where my parents grew up, and where I was born.  We had a family business there, but it finally conked out a few years ago.  Super sad,  Basically, losing that business was a death in the family.

2.  When did you family come to America?

Well, I am not totally sure.  It is an interesting story, and I will tell you what I know.  A few years ago, my mom called me and said “some lady is researching our family tree.  She is legit, so please be helpful.”  Awesome, love that idea.  So, she did indeed call and I told her everything.  I asked her what she could tell me so far about our family.  I had thought we were from Europe.  Not sure why, maybe just because I figured all white folks come Europe.   By ‘Europe’, I mean England.  Just assumed that is where we were all from.

Well, that may be, but we did find this out.  The last few hundred years, we go back to Canada as farmers.  That kinda explains Buffalo, being just a few miles from the Canadian border.  Ok, interesting.  But then… radio silence.  Never heard from the lady again, and I don’t think anyone else in my family has, either.  I am not sure if she was a family friend or paid consultant or whatever…  but all I know > according to the lady who them totally blew us off,  I am Canadian.  Maybe that is why I am so polite and funny.  No, seriously.

3. If you had to choose, would you be a Jet or a Shark

Once you’re a a jet, you’re a jet all the way.  That is the only line I know, I have never seen it.  Great line, though.  So, I guess I am a jet.  Is that good?  I also imagine the movie had a TON of people crouching and snapping a lot.  I love that image.  we need more of that.  It’s pretty lame I have not seen this movie.  it is an American classic after all.  I am making a commitment to you that I will watch this before next Friday.  AND… I’ll call my mom (that will make sense in a minute)

4.  How did your name get chosen?

Gosh, I don’t know off hand.  Maybe I’ll call my mom and ask her tomorrow.  I mean, I should know that.  It’s midnight Thursday as I write this.  not exactly the time to wake up my 70 year old mom.  I have the greatest mom on earth and she is in great health and would love a call.  She is also a great conversationalist.  So, why not call her?  Literally, can you call me for me?  Her number is in my phone somewhere

5.  What are the classic family stories? Jokes? Songs?

nothing book worthy.  I don’t have an amazing or even inspiring story.  I wish I could tell you I grew up hard, on the streets.  I wish I could tell you ‘love’ meant getting a cigar put out on my arm, or something cool like that.  Nope.  perfect childhood with amazing and loving parents and brothers.  My folks had great jobs, so didn’t struggle financially, and they raised me to be the awesome guy that my brothers and I are today.  This, sadly, is why I will never be the great writer I aspire to be.  My is great, and pretty much always has been.  Not much of a story there.

* ok, so I am up and awake so I figured I should just start the movie now.  It wasn’t streaming on Netflix, but I found it on youtube.  Anyhow, 3 minutes into the film and I swear it is nothing but guys walking low and snapping.  That is super awesome because in my characterization above, I thought I may have been too quick to judge and mock.  So, far, at 2 minutes in, we are at 100% content of crouching and snapping.  Ok, back to the film.

these songs are terrible.  Nothing cathy or hooky.  Just terrible songs.  I am not being a slob and complaining because it is a musical.  I have Grease on my iPod, and Phantom too.  Those are iconic melodies.  Also, these actors can not sing for shit.  Cool dancing and choreography, I’ll cop to that.  If you gave this film to Adam Shankman, he would fix it.

Friday Fives – randonmess

Ok, so we are either very late with the Fives, or very early.  What are you, a cop or something?  Just get in here and enjoy my neurosis, narcissistic yumminess already!

These are, as almost always, from my editor Majikwah.

Randomness Friday:

1. Would you say you have an accent?

I know I do not have an accent.  My diction is spot-fucking- on.  However, my family from Buffalo would say they could definitely hear a ‘Western’ accent when we visited.

2. If you could take one technology to a desert island (the obvious satellite phone excluded), what would it be?

My iPod.  It’s the only way I could listen to all this stuff.  Just checking now, I have 13,953 songs.  Assuming the average album has ten songs, that is roughly 1,3o0 albums.   Do I listen to it?  Not 99.9% of it.  I just listen to Dylan, Metallica, and the Dead.  That is about it.  Also, almost all of my listening these days is podcast based.  It’s the last free and pure form of media of any kind.

I really love my iPod, it is about the best thing ever.  One day soon I will smarten up and get an iPhone so I don’t have to carry two heavy and expensive devices with me everywhere I go.

3. What is the last activity you bought a ticket for?

interesting question.  We hardly ever go out, the wifey and I.  We don’t go to movies, I just buy them when they come out on DVD.  I mean, something like ‘the Avengers’ should be seen in the theater.  But… 99% of movies that come out are just fine on my big screen tv.  I got a great stereo and a blu ray player.  So, why drive across town, spend $30 ($10 for each ticket, and $10 on treats) when I can wait 3 months and just own it?  If I watch at home, I can drink wine and pause the movie to go to the bathroom.

Now, I know that doesn’t answer the question.  Last ticket I bought?  oooh, wait, I know!  It was for the Mega Millions, which I assure you I did not win.  Am still a little sore about that one.  Turns out you are supposed to quit your job and leave your wife only AFTER winning.

4. Have you ever had a conversation with a seatmate on a plane?

of course, I am a chatty bastard.  You know that by now.

5. How long do you wait to cut your hair?

I cut my hair about once a week.  I use clippers, and shave it myself.  Haven’t paid for a haircut in nearly 20 years.  You know when you get your haircut and you get the wash?  You know how you lay back in that sink thing and the pretty girl gives you a scalp massage as she washes your hair?  I really really miss that.

Friday Fives

What neighborhood do you live in, and what do you like most about it?

Parker.  It’s pretty vanilla.  It’s quiet, though, which is nice.  Also, we have some great neighbors… but you do too.  Oh, and if you don’t live in Denver… I should elaborate about Parker.  We are a small town in South Metro Denver.  really small.  Parker is not a ‘city’, as we do not have 50,000 residents.  We are the town of Parker.  It’s pretty white, and pretty sterile.  We sit at 6,000 feet, and so get more snow than most when the storms hit.  Oh, and I am surrounded by Republicans (but you could have guessed that with the white and sterile part, eh).

Where are you originally from, and how does it compare to Peoria?

well, that’s a two parter.  Born in Buffalo, but raised in Phoenix.  Buffalo is really cold, Phoenix is really hot.  Apparently, my parents didn’t own a thermometer.  Denver is somewhere in-between > both geographically and metaphorically.  Oh, and weatheristically* (*my own word.  You can have it).
How do you, personally, contribute to your community?

to Parker?  Not much.  Tried to get on the town council but it was a big pain in the ass.  To my ‘community’ at large?  Lots!  I work for the Red Cross on public presentations and disaster services.  Also, every Saturday I work at the dog shelter, which I love.  Come visit us, and take one of these damn cats home.  They are so cute, and there are trillions of them.

What is your favorite restaurant/hangout?

I can’t say I have one.  I am old and lame and live in the suburbs.  Most of my free time is spent with the band, practicing or gigging.

Friday Fives

snow style >

1.  When was your first snow storm?

well, I should qualify this with some boring and oft repeated data.  I grew up in Phoenix, so I didn’t get to see snow fall from the sky until a teenage trip back to Buffalo, NY… where the other half of our family lives.  I remember we were at Grandma and Grandpa’s house on Grimsby for Christmas and it snowed Christmas eve.  I can’t begin to tell you how tickled I was, and how meaningful it felt to me.  I remember running outside and stamping ‘Merry Christmas’ in the street in the snow.

I thought this would be a welcome memo of joy for morning drivers.   By the time I got back inside and warmed up… I looked out the window to size up my masterpiece.  It was gone!

Gone!  erased for all time.  Being from Phoenix, I didn’t quite understand the physics of snow.  Yeah, the new snow covered the old snow (bearing my tidings) in about ten minutes.  In Buffalo, they call that ‘lake effect snow’… and it ain’t no thing to them.
2. When was your favorite snow storm?

Probably my first blizzard in Denver, Oct 2007. We had moved here in February of that year from AZ.  It was my first blizzard ever, and was terribly romantic.  We were in an apartment so crappy that it literally snowed through the gaps in the window sills. Also, we were too poor for cable back then, and our broadcast tv didn’t work for shit.  So, we were genuinely surprised.  However, we had a big fireplace and had met some friends in the building and made a party of it.  We had 8 foot snow drifts by morning, and we both had to dig our cars out for jobs we eventually didn’t have to go to.  We loved it.  We had never seen the sky unleash a holy white terror for 16 hours straight like that.  It was humbling!

3.  Comfort foods?  Desert or savory?

savory, I guess.  My favorite food is sammiches.  A well crafted hot sandwhich is the best thing on earth.   Safeway makes a really good one, get the ‘Chicago South Side panini’.  Make sure they add your lettuce and tomatoe after they toast it.  Also, Crazy Jerry’s sammiches are just about a vice.  I get there once a week.  Unless you live here in South Denver, you have no idea.  You will, though.  Come and visit.

4.  Ever had a car accident in winter weather?

Yes, it was the moment I knew I had to get a  truck.  In college, I lived in Flagstaff, AZ.  Flagstaff is higher than Denver (7,000 feet, vs Denver’s 5,200) and we got crazy snows.  I was delivering Chinese food for years in college to make ends meet.  One day I was out delivering (or is it… derivering ha ha) in a huge snow storm.  I got stopped at an intersection and my little Honda slid on the ice into a pick up truck in front of me.  Crash!  It was mortifying, because if my insurance knew I was delivering food, they would not cover me (or her) for the damage.  So, as I walked up to make sure the driver was ok, I slid the Chinese food into the trunk.  Done!

So, the front of my Honda was destroyed.  $5,000 in damage, as it slid under her pickup truck.  The good news was it did nothing to her pickup truck.  She thought the whole thing was funny.  She said we didn’t need to call the cops (it would have been my ticket, see.  Rear ending always is.  Failure to control vehicle… i have a couple of those tickets).  She said her boyfriend wouldn’t even notice.

*** it is pertinent I mention the boyfriend angle because she was really cute.  See, my buddy Jaime and I picked up two chicks we met in a car accident in high school, and we combined cars and hung out together all night.  Weird way to pick up chicks, but it worked… after they t-boned us from running a stop sign. Strange, but totally true.  I lament to report I did not get the opportunity to t-bone them.  If you know what I mean.  Maybe not a way to meet girls after all.  What the hell did I know?

Anyhow, at that moment, I realized I should really get a pick up truck.  Six pick up trucks later, I have driven or owned nothing else since I crashed that little Honda.

a postscript to that.  Years ago I was driving up in Boulder in a snow storm and a similar thing happened.  I had stopped at a red light and a little tiny Geo metro railed into the back of my Toyota truck.  I went back and found his car buried underneath my towing receiver hitch.  It totally destroyed his front end, and all I had (once we drug him out) was some of his red paint at the bottom of my hitch.

with absolutely zero bucks in damage, I knew I had to pay it forward.  The kid was freaked and said he didn’t have insurance.  I told him don’t sweat it, we are cool, he is free to go.  I wonder if that dude is driving a truck right now, telling a similar tale.  not really.  I don’t really care.

5.  Would you let Carl Kipper be your designated driver?

yes, I would.  We are into the tail hours of the ‘blizzard of 2009‘, and so with my office being closed most of today and most of tomorrow, I have had a few drinks.  That is what we do for blizzards, drink and watch movies.  Truth be told, this wasn’t much of a ‘blizzard’ at all.  I only have about a foot of snow outside.  Regardless, I do not drink and drive.  Carl is on point.

Now, here is something maybe you didn’t know.  Did you know that a ‘blizzard’ isn’t really about snow?  It ain’t.  Blizzard is a weather condition regarding wind and visibility.  Blizzard conditions are often declared long after snow has stopped.  This is your blizzard cheat sheet > snowing at one inch an hour or more, and winds of 20 MPH or more simultaneously.  We certainly had that today.

Really, though, today wasn’t much of a blizzard.  A blizzard is when you open your front door and there is an 8 foot wall of snow because of drifts.  A blizzard is when you open the garage, you can’t see your pickup truck.  I have been in plenty of those here in Denver.  They are awesome.  Today was just a decent angry snow.  Good thing, it was the first snow of the year.

big tangent there.  Sorry.  Yes, Carl is my driver.  Carl is many things to me.  Today, though, Carl is my driver.  Carl is my lover.  Carl is my gal!

in closing, remember what the snowflake has taught us.  You are unique, just like everyone else!