Friday Fives – innovation edition

  1.  What is the most useless weapon you can think of to bring to a fight?

Pudding. Don’t ask me why, but this is more than theory. Do NOT.

  1.  What’s the most you’ve ever cried over a FICTIONAL event or person? And why?

Every time I watch the original Like Water for Chocolate movie. Bertita, you have to make them with love. That, my sister, is the difference. I haven’t seen it in 20 years because if I watched it now I would literally cry myself to death. It is that wonderful and beautiful and perfect of a story and a film

  1.  What everyday thing would scare the SHIT out of us if we’d never seen it before?

The phone. Having worked in the cell phone business for a LONG time, I would like to go back to… say… Edison. Hold up my cell phone and say “this device allows me to talk to anyone in the world in real time. It allows me to access and play every recording ever made. I stream moving pictures through it, as well it is also takes moving pictures AND transmits them. It also has real time access to every great library and book ever recorded. Wanna know what a baboon weighs? Gimme 30 seconds and I will tell you.

THEN… I wouldn’t let him touch it or take it apart or even use it. I would just demo it for him and say “I am from the future. This is what is there. Get to work on it, fatty!” and then disappear in a poof of poofiness.

Oh, and this. Here is something else that would scare the shit out of you if you had never seen it. A pudding fight.

  1.  What is one article of clothing someone can wear that instantly makes you dislike them?

Ed hardy tshirts. It says ‘date rape’, but still somehow also manages to say ‘date rape’ at the same time.  Pretty sure we can blame John Gosselin for a lot of this.  He hasn’t done anything wrong, except bad taste in clothes and women, technically.  I mean… can we talk about this for a second?  Kate Gosselin seems like one of the meanest and most unpleasant women alive.  So, I lose all respect for anyone who could find her less than the worst person alive.  Geesh, that just went off the rails.  I apologize.  Not to the Gosselins, mind you… but to you for wasting 2 minutes on that rant.  I guess in my mind, the terms: John Gosselin, Ed Hardy, and Date Rape are completely interchangeable.

  1.  What memory from your childhood makes you think “wow we were poor”?

These tongs. Yes, I know that they were all we had, but I now look back at these tongs (and these can openers) and think ‘child abuse’! In fact, scratch that last comment about showing Edison the mobile phone. Lemme go back 40 years and show someone these restaurant tongs. Here, make these… SOON. Pretty please.

Friday Fives – inventions

1. What is something you own, but have no idea how to use?

an iron.  I like to look nice, but I have NO idea how to iron.  I have tried, a lot.  Here is what happens, specifically – when I iron out these wrinkles right in front of me I am creating new wrinkles somewhere else.  It is never ending.  Luckily, I have an easy solution.  Everything gets machine washed, except dress shirts.  Those get dry cleaned.  It’s a buck a shirt, and SO worth it.  Plus, my dry cleaner is right on the way to work.  So, even if I knew how to iron, it is still worth a buck to two take two weeks worth of shirts.  bam, done!

2. What movie can you quote the most lines from?

like everyone, Princess Bride.  Bonus – also can do same with ‘Fish Called Wanda’.  I was also this way with ‘harold and maude’ and ‘harvey’.  But, I haven’t seen the former in about ten years.  I did watch Harvey three times last year.  It just came out on blu ray.  What a fantastic movie.  It’s probably 60 years old, but it holds up like crazy.

3. What is something useless that has been stamped to your permanent memory?

the details of every rock band.  every album, every lyric, every back story, i know what setlists are going to be to bands I don’t even follow.  Do you know what Billy Corgan’s middle name is, and why?  Do you know the last time the Dead played ‘Dark Star’?  Do you know Jack White’s real name is?  Do you know what Paul Simon was talking about when he sang about ‘Me and Julio down by the schoolyard’?  I do, and it’s USELESS.  I work in customer service, and not for a record company.

Here is a true story to prove my amazing and nearly useless amazing amount of rock knolwedge.  To say it is ‘complete’ is absurd… but it’s complete.  Again, here is my humble brag example.  I recently bought and read this terrific book.  It looked like stuff I likey knew already.  The wifey even said “why are you reading that, don’t you already know every story?”.  My reply was, “I do, but I want to fact check this guy to see if he does.”

In this book, I found a story that I wrote and discovered.  After  I ead that story, I told the wifey “this is MY scoop.  I am the one who found this”  She thought I was nuts, and maybe I was.  Then, I get to the end of the book and I am cited in the credits.  Seriously, check for yourself.  I am cited as reference material for a book on rock history and I didn’t even know about it.  That is pretty bad ass, and an honor.  You can check yourself.  My acknowledgement is on page 214, top line, of the paperback version.  I discovered my name in the book in the bathtub, and came running out to show the wifey.  naked and wet and old and fat.  That’s right, ladies.  Too bad I am taken!

By the way, if any of you are interested in setlist, this site is AWESOME.  It knows everything.  You can also search by venue, band, or even song.  Plus, they are freeHere is why you do, and don’t, want to check that site before your next rock concert.  The band you are going to see plays the exact same set each night.  It’s just a logistics thing, for lighting queues and instrument changes.  So, you can see what you missed, but I never check before I show, I want to be surprised by the song choices.

I do use my music knowledge to write, though.  It’s my two passions smooshed together all on this site.  Like this site, the content there is 100% original and my own.  It’s right over here.

4. What is something you feel is a pointless invention and why?

pointless?  Considering we still haven’t cured aids or cancer, not sure how much R&D we needed for the electic can opener.  Is this too complex for you?  Actually, I shouldn’t complain.  That can opener in the link above is AWESOME.  it isn’t what I grew up with, though.  We had these, and they are a piece of shit.  So, I guess I should praise can opener R&D so that we aren’t still stuck using this.

So since I kinda changed my vote mid- answer, do I have to re-answer the question?  I don’t wanna.  I love innovation, and I work in the tech field.  So, the wishy washy answer above will have to do.

5. What TV show has the best theme song?

can’t think of a catchier or better song than ‘friends’.  OOOHHH, wait.  THIS song.  I was so enamored with this song I took the bus all the way to the ball (two buses, actually, and then a 2 mile walk in the Phoenix sun) to buy the 33 rpm record.  that is how much I loved this song.  Joey Scarbury’s ‘Beleive it or Not’.  In fact, I will do more than hotlink it.  Let’s embed that shit!

Know what?  That wasn’t a very fulfilling Fives.  Normally, I would give you some bonus content – and you deserve my best.  But, the laptop battery is about 3 minutes away from dying.  So, we better wrap this up.  Have a great week, and know that we all love you.

*** update – as promised, the iPod fives game.  I am going to cross post this over to my other site.  Couple reasons for that.  One is, this post is plenty long.  The other is, I want to get y’all familiar with my other site.  It’s pretty good, if you know music.  It’s a few hours later and the laptop is charged.  Been writing for a couple hours now, which is pretty nice of me. I don’t get paid for this, and I am off to bed.