Friday Fives – movie anecdotes

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Of all movie opening scenes, what one sold the entire film the most?

I think ‘the Italian Job’.  But, that is likely because I think that movie is just perfect.  First off, caper movies are my absolute favorite. Plus, the cast is just insano amazing.  And… its a movie with Jason Statham where he never once kills anyone.

Great story, amazing cinematography… just a really great film.  And the opening scene sets up everything you need to know about just about every character.  Oh, and pretty much everything involving the Mini Cooper. Remember that other movie that had a chase scene where involving a Mini Cooper and a helicopter… kind of inside?  No, you have not. Here, I’ll link to the streaming version from Amazon.  Just watch it now if you haven’t already.

What’s the one horror movie that genuinely terrified you while watching it?

Generally speaking, i can’t and won’t horror movies.  I am too fragile. I vaguely remember one that involved (I think) Nicole Kidman, and an old house, and ghosts.  I started it at night, and I was so freaked out I had to stop watching. I had to finish in daylight. But sometimes a thoughtful thriller… like ‘Cabin the Woods’ or ‘Get Out’ are both super good.

What was your weirdest movie theater experience?

Long ago, as a kid, my bro Johnny and I would go see the $1.50 movies.  These were movies that have been out a few months, and left new release world.  I dare say this was before home video and VHS. You can imagine a theater that only shows old movies for a pittance, they weren’t the most cared for theaters.  I am talking about the one at 40th & Thomas, but you knew that. Anyhow, we both went in to sit down and it was already dark. My eyes hadn’t adjusted, so I was moving very slow.  The chair I chose didn’t have a back to it. I couldn’t see that, but everyone in the theater (whose eyes had adjusted) could see it. And since I was moving slowly, they get the show in slow motion.

What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve brought into the movie theater?

A 3 year old

What used to be extra common in movie theaters that you just don’t see anymore?

3D.  It was a big thing in the 80s.  At least, it really was to me!  And you didn’t get these almost regular looking glasses.  No, it was one red lens, and one blue one. And it was awesome.  Oh, and back then they had 3D movies on TV!!!  No special TV or anything, but the networks would advertise it well in advance, and 7-11 gave away the free glasses.

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Drive – a once in a lifetime movie review

*** update  5.8.13 > see below in comments, but not before you read this

I love movies.  I especially love mindless action movies, and capers at the best.  I have never, in the 1,043 posts here in almost ten years, ever done a movie review.  That changes today!

So, I netflixed ‘Drive’.  It is a story about a stunt man driver, who was also a criminal wheel man on the side… who was also an aspiring stock car driver.  Sounds like a perfect way to break in my new bose stereo system with a big fat subwoofer.

Here is my problem with the movie.  It contained none of the things above.  It is possible my disc skipped, a lot.  I expected car chases… there was one.  Explosions?  none.  Criminal wheel man capers?  one.  Stock car driving?  none.  So, what happened for two hours?  A lot of dude brooding.  There is, literally, about 30 minutes of screen time of dude just brooding.

Oh, and he killed a couple of guys.  Who gives a fuck.  I didn’t buy a movie to see you kill people, I bought a movie to see you DRIVE YOUR FUCKING CAR.  Ryan Gosling owes me two hours of my life back.  You know what?  I don’t even want that name, Ryan Gosling, used on my blog until he apologizes.  Going forward, his name is simply Not Jason Statham. What an asshole.  Someone get me Jason Statham on the phone.  Oh, and how was Statham not cast in this?  This is the ONLY movie he does.  He is a bad ass criminal driver.  Seriously, he has 6 movies under his belt with ONLY this premise.

You see, this is the ONLY thing Jason Statham does.  We are way past type casting.  He makes one movie.  bad ass criminal driver with a short temper… but a gift behind the wheel.  Let’s look at the Statham cannon, shall we?

killer elite
the mechanic
the transporter
the transporter 2
the italian job
crank
crank 2
transporter 3
death race
the bank job

Each one of those movies is completely interchangeable with the other.  I am not complaining, I have seen almost all of them.  I love the Statham movies.  They deliver, unlike this piece of shit.  Also, I am hurt that they had the great Bryan Cranston and just wasted him.  If you get Bryan Cranston on your set, you give him EVERY role.  That guy is amazing.  Also, Jason Statham is going to kick Not Jason Statham’s ass.