Friday Fives – cameltoe spider edition


What foods are just delivery systems for other foods?

I’d say just about any break, but certainly tortillas.  Also good is heroin.  If you get a good hot spoonful of bubbling heroin, and top it with some good Russian caviar… well it just hits all the centers in the right places.  Has to be GOOD caviar though.  Or, really any heroin.  In fact, I guess you don’t even need the caviar.  Just a big ole bubbly spoon of smack pretty much makes everything just a little better.

What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?

Whichever one you are about to hand me.  I don’t drink much, but when I do… I ain’t picky.  Anything but Scotch or Gin is just fine.  Beer, Whiskey, and Wine… all welcome over at any time.

What’s a food that tastes better when it’s a little burnt?

Just about everything I pan fry I prefer on the crispy end.  No point doing a pan fry or saute if its gonna be all mealy and sad and soft and gross (like me!.  Wifey likes here pizza that way.  I don’t , but not enough to care either way.  End result?  We eat slightly done pizza.  That is how you keep a marriage together for 20 years.

WAIT… I have a real answer.  French fries!  McDonalds and Chik Fil A are in a dual for best fries, and both are best when a tiny bit over done.  A proper fry should break, not bend.  Can I say I hate that I go to Chik Fil A.  I am not pleased with their take on gays.  While there is a freedom of speech issue that certainly protects them (which we can all celebrate)… going out and releasing press statements saying you don’t like gays is a bit much.

In this case, I am totally morally boycotting it.  Just not financially.

How do you subtly fuck with people for your own enjoyment?

Now if I told you that, you would know all the things I am doing.  Ok, I will teach you one.  Body language.  When you are listening to someone, and tuning out… turn your head a little to the side.  Makes you look all engaged and plaintive.  Chicks dig it!

What is the scariest, most terrifying thing that actually exists?

Camel spiders.  That fish that can get up and run from one body of water to another.  This presidency.  Voter apathy.  Chris Brown.  The NRA.  Did you know that the NRA used to be advocates of gun control?  Read this, it’s incredible?



The worst person alive – Chris Brown

*** Update June 2017 – the Warrant and police log of the assault

*** update 4.22.16 – far below

Normally, I am not here to complain.  I am not here to call people bad people.  That isn’t my job.  My job is to bring light and life to you.  However, sometimes I have to step outside of that roll and call out some serious injustices.  My list of horrible, horrible people is not a long one.  In the ten years and over 1,000 posts I can only think of a couple:  Robert Novak and Rev Fred Phelps come to mind.  Sadly, only one of those people are dead.

** editors note: update summer 2014, they are both now dead.  Good work, Lono.  Now we just need to concentrate on Brown.

Today, I have to add someone to the list – Chris Brown.  There is no new news here, but it is a story that everyone in America needs to hear.  Chris Brown is famous for being a great dancer and beating his girlfriend Rihanna.  We are here to talk about the latter.  He really beat her.  I mean, tried to kill her.  Here is a brief brief synopsis of what happened that night.  They got into a verbal fight driving.  Chris then started beating her as he continued to drive.  Then, he tried to push her out of the moving car.  She had her seatbelt on, so he couldn’t.  This made him angrier.  He continued to beat her.  Then, pulled over so he could concentrate on beating her.  A passer by saw this and called the cops.  By the time the cops showed up, he was still beating her.

“When he could not force her to exit, he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window of the car. ”

“The victim then faced the defendant and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then continued driving.””As he drove, he continued to punch the victim in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand.”

So, he tried to kill his girlfriend.  That isn’t why I am writing.  Obviously, it sickens me.  However, it just isn’t my business.  I am here because it gets worse.  Chris Brown received a small administrative slap for the beating.  He got probation, and community service.  “Community Service” doesn’t mean dick to entertainers.  They call their concerts and appearances ‘community service’.  It just means they don’t get paid.  So, where I had to do 100 hours of physical labor community service… a celeb shows up at a Children’s hospital and takes pics with sick kids.


However, that isn’t why I am writing.  The Tattoo!  The tattoo is the reason I am writing.  Some time after this event, Chris Brown got a tattoo.  He got a tattoo of a beaten woman’s face on his neck.  Google it if you don’t believe me.  Now, look closely at that face.  The beaten’ woman’s face on his neck is Rihanna’s.


Chris Brown
Look at the lips and eyes.  That is Rihanna.  See, he could have argued (as he did) that the beating was a freak accident.  It was an anamoly.  He was having a terrible day. drugs… whatever.  He could plea that away as a big mistake and the worst thing he has ever done.  We all have moments we are not proud of.  Getting this tattoo, though, shows foresight, planning, and a whole new level of asshattery.  It is so sickening to me that I just deleted the 500 words I wanted to say about him.


I want you to live, and love.  I want you to tell jokes, and burn brownies.  I want you to shovel your neighbors driveway and steal their newspaper on Sundays.  I love you.  Chris Brown, though?  I want him to die.  He has not suffered.  He is still rich and successful and popular.  The worst part is that he is back with Rihanna.  How can he ever say ‘forgive me’ when he has it tattooed on his neck?  Btw, when I googled this pic, one came up of him smiling proudly with his new tattoo.  I couldn’t bring myself to validate that by posting it.


Buddhism teaches us compassion.  The teachings of Buddha tell me to be joyful and and of good intent.  I do everything I can to follow the 8 fold path set before me.  When I see something like this, or Rev Fred, I simply want them dead, through long and painful means.


Pray for me.  Or… kill this guy.  Either one is cool with me.


* in reading over this, I realize there is some hypocrisy that I should cop to.  I am outing people who I think are a concern.  Yet, I hide behind a pseudonym.  Seems chicken shit, doesn’t it?  However, I do not regard myself as a person of interest… and i can prove it.  Chris Brown has 12 million followers.  I have 15.  The reason I keep anonymous is a couple of reasons.  One is to keep this separate from my work and real life.  The other is because of my intolerance for intolerance.  Read back to my piece on Civil War re-enactors.  There are several who have threatened to kick my ass.  At least, that is what they implied.  Few could string together that many nouns and verbs in one sitting.


*** update June 2017

Here is the actual police statement and warrant of the beating.  It is a beating that goes on for several pages.  This truly reads as nothing shy of attempted murder.

*** update 4.22.16
Chris Brown told CNN yesterday he was so distraught after the attempted murder he was suicidal.  I thought, that’s a good start.  Can’t I forgive?  Not in a million years.  remember, to me this isn’t even about the assualt.  That is his and Rihanna’s and the court’s concern.  My concern is AFTER his trial, and AFTER he was all regretful, and AFTER he was ‘suicidal’, he went and put that tattoo on his neck.  Let’s say for just a second that maybe it’s not Rihanna’s face (and it SO is).  Since he is the most famous wife beater since OJ, why would you do that?  Because you are a fucking asshole with no respect for women, that’s why!