*** note: my editor gave me 5 questions about Trump. I can’t do it. I am still in denial, seriously. I am sure anger is coming, but right now it’s mostly denial and worry. Let’s talk about this at the bottom, shall we? I’ll try and be brief.
How many pets have you had at one time?
Probably now we have the most I have ever had. 3 horses, 2 cats, 3 dogs, and some fish
What is the strangest pet you have ever had?
I had a turtle once, really really briefly. Being a Deadhead in high school, I was a big fan of the dancing turtles from Terrapin Station. I had them dancing across the back windows of my van. One day, Joel came across a turtle. Just a turtle. A real one, probably in someone’s yard. Knowing my affinity for the Dead and the turtles, and my obvious love of animals… he brought it to me. This was high school sometime. I was, of course, thrilled.
We had some errands to run, so I just set him down. They don’t move fast. They hardly move at all. So, I set him down figuring he would be there when I got back. Then, I could figure out how the hell to explain this to my folks and see how I could keep and raise him.
When I got back, he was gone. There was no fenced yard. We just set him down on the lawn. Couple hours later… gone! So, I did have a turtle once. For about an hour. Had I kept him, I would still have him. Those little bastards live for a 100 years or more. Same with parrots. Odd, isn’t it?
What is the coolest trick you have ever taught a pet?
We had a wonderful and smart and sensitive black lab named Maury girl in college. Technically, she was Renee’s. But, we were dating shortly after she got the dog, and living together shortly after that. Anyhow, it being college… and us thinking we were clever… we taught her a couple silly things. Instead of ‘shake’, we taught her to do that motion when we said ‘drug deal’. So, you walk up to Maury girl and say ‘drug deal’, and it would look like she was slipping you a baggie.
Additionally, for ‘down’, we taught her that… but the word she learned that action to was ‘cops’. In tandem, these were always a huge hit at parties. She moved with us to Denver, and basically raised Max. here is something interesting about her… she was SUPER sensitive. Whenever we would argue, she would cower under the kitchen table and shake. These aren’t big arguments, mind you. These aren’t “I slept with your brother”. These were ‘what kind of monster puts ketchup on steak?”. We learned we had to go into another room to argue so we wouldn’t upset her.
Here is a bonus fun and rather true story about Maury girl, and the Christmas she almost ruined.
Real animals: What animal have you always wanted as a pet?
All of them! When I was younger, I imagined when I grew up my house would be a zoo. I definitely wanted lots of birds flying around. The wife has forbid it, and for good reasons. Birds are lousy pets. They don’t care about you, they are mean, they are pointlessly and endlessly loud, they are wildly independence, and shit everything up. There is zero love given back to you.
Imaginary animals: Describe the ideal pet, an animal that doesn’t really exist.
A golden retriever that was like 30 pounds. I want every aspect of that dog… the temperament and the coat and the joy and the desire to please… in a MUCH smaller package. Forever, we had the most wonderful dog ever, Maxwell Silver Hammer. he was, of course, a Golden. We now have a different Golden, named Monty. What is odd, though, is this new dog looks EXACTLY like the last one. Not just in temperament and behaviors… as that is probably a Golden Retriever thing… but his hair and coat and face… all of that. Here is a pic of our current magical little Golden, Monty.
A bit about this picture. My nephew is visiting from Phx, AZ in this picture. At home, they too have a golden retriever. He totally missed his Golden, Rexie. So, Monty offered to be his Rexie for the weekend.
I can’t even tell who is happier here. Probably not George. Doesn’t look like it is going to end well for him. It’s a pretty great moment.
*** ok, quick addendum to my Trump thing above. Here is what scares me. A first thought, you might think ‘well, anything he can do, the next president can undo.’ Problem is… not so much. You know about ‘separation of govt’, right? It is designed to have the power carefully divided between 3 bodies: the executive (POTUS), the judicial (SCOTUS), and the legislature. Problem is, right now, Trump has all 3. In fact, it is even stronger than that.. since he has both the house and the senate.
So…. To undo all the shit he is doing… the next president will have to have all those powers in his back pocket. It will be REALLY tough to get the Supreme Court back if he gets some nominees in. remember, those appointments are for life. Impeach him, right? From what I understand, people are WAY more scared of Pence.