more reasons to hate CSI Miami

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Ok, look at that image above.  I have  problems with that image, and I am about to lay them on you.

that image is one of the icons they use to advertise CSI Miami.   It’s actually a pretty compelling show, except for the horrible acting work of David Caruso.  I say ‘work’ instead of acting, because taking your sunglasses on and off is not acting.  Also, why are you always wearing them inside?  Another thing that drives me crazy is the CSI Miami is televisions #1 export to the world.  The rest of the world is nuts for that show.  So, when the world thinks of Americans… they have two people to reference:  George Bush and David Caruso.  Great.  No wonder why the world hates us.

That isn’t what this piece is about, though.  It’s about those sunglasses.  I really do not like that icon at all.  It upsets me, and seems extremely disrespectful.  Why because of this image below.

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Know what that image is?  Those are the glasses John Lennon was wearing when he was killed.  Yup, that’s his blood on right.  Pretty fucked up, huh?  Now, why would Yoko share and celebrate this image?  I don’t know, she is nuts.  Anyhow, this is an extremely powerful image to me.  Those sunglasses up there at the top really remind me of these John Lennon glasses.

Am I over reacting?  I guess I am.  Still, I had to point that out.  Thanks for listening.

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Oh, Stevie

So, there is a big rumor that Lindsay Lohan is going to play Stevie Nicks in an upcoming biopic.  It’s a pretty solid rumor.   Know why?  It came from Lindsay Lohan.  Doesn’t seem like a bad fit.  They are both over-rated and under talented.  They both love blow.  They are both narcissists.  Fine, whatever.

Well, Stevie Nicks got wind of this and had a shit fit.  Yeah, dig this quote:

over my dead body

Why, Stevie?  What do you care?  This movie will make you cool again.  You can buy all new scarves and shit.  You might be able to do a single interview without having to talk about Lindsay (the real talent).  Wouldn’t this be good for Stevie?  Well, not in Stevie’s eyes.   Why?  Well, it appears Stevie feels Lindsay isn’t up to snuff.  Specifically >

She needs to stop doing drugs and get a grip

See, Stevie is concerned that Lindsay would be an unfair representative of her, since Lindsay has been known to dig the coke.  Stevie says Lindsay is an unfit choice because her love of drugs.  Just want to make sure we are all on the same page here.   See, Stevie used to do drugs, too.  I mean… a LOT.  More than Elton John and Slash combined.  How much coke did Stevie do?  Well, lore has it that after Stevie’s septum collapsed from too much blow, she had an assistant whose job it was to blow cocaine up her asshole.

Read that again, because I ain’t typing it again.  How do you even do that? Scratch that, I don’t want to know.  What I do want to know is how in the world Stevie loves blow?  Her own words.  She speaks of her past wistfully:

Nicks has admitted, she took so much cocaine that “you could put a big gold ring through my septum”

I mean, who cares if Stevie did blow?  It isn’t my business.  Who cares if Lohan does blow?  It is also not my business.  However, as the voice of a generation, it does become my business when Stevie pulls a Slash*.

* ‘pulling a Slash’ – last year, for likely very good reason, Slash fired Scott Weiland for having a drug problem.  That is like Hitler accusing you of being an anti-semite.  That is like Liberace telling you not to ‘get all gay about it’.  That’s like David Caruso telling you to keep your sunglasses on.

Nic Cage stops acting, and admits it!

 

                           

Nicholas Cage is a courageous man.  Many actors just stop acting in their prime.  Who?  Keanu Reeves, David Caruso, Gary Sinise, Dennis Farina, the Rock, and Al Pachino… to name a few.  These are people who either opted to stop acting…  or worse:  play the same character for their entire career.

 

Cage falls into the former.  He was a good actor.  Remember Raising Arizona?  That was good stuff, solid character acting.   Then, the worst possible fate for an actor befell him > action roles.

Some could never act, I am looking in your direction Matthew McConnasomethingorother.

Some time ago, Nick Cage stopped acting.  Just, threw in the towel.  Oh, he was in movies alright, but he stopped acting sometime right after ‘Leaving Las Vegas’.  Here is what Nick Cage said earlier this year he was “going to quit acting”.  Yeah, he is still doing movies, he just isn’t acting anymore.  At least dude admits it.

 

Boy, he sure nailed that one right on the head. Nick Cage is like Axl Rose.  They both would have served the world better had they died at 27 and left us wondering what awesomeness they would have given us.  Instead, we have the reality, which is a shit sammich.

 

 

 

mean?  sure.  but accurate, admit it!

 

 

 

Fatwa

Generally speaking, I am a very joyful person. You know that. I don’t have to tell you that. You may know that I am actually a Reverend. I have married people, and am actually marrying a couple this Friday. This piece, however, is not a joyful piece. It is petty and small, but needs to be said. First off, I am calling off my fatwa against the horrible monster of a human Robert Novak. He just announced he has brain cancer and then retired from writing immediately. A week before he ran over an elderly pedestrian in his sports car and didn’t even know it. Point made. Novak won’t be a problem anymore.

While these pages are meant to celebrate greatness in culture like Nelson Mandela, or myself… there are those who are enemies of goodness. Specifically, I want to highlight the worst person on earth. Rev. Fred Phelps. Look at that visage up top. That is what hate does to you.

Now, know that this has NOTHING to do with religion. True, I do have my beefs with religion… but this is not one. This is against Rev. Fred. Why do I hate Rev Fred? Why do I call for him to be struck dead? Why am I declaring a ‘fatwa’ against this douchebag. Tell you why; he is the ‘god hates fags’ guy. He doesn’t just believe that god hates gays, he believes (seriously) that now god hates EVERYONE because we tolerate gays. Yeah. wtf is that? This guy (and his church lemmings) goes to soldiers funerals with signs that says ‘god hates fags’. You ask, gay soldiers? No, ALL soldiers.

Like Falwell, this dingus believes god created war and the tragedies of Sept 11th to teach us a lesson about tolerance of gays. You probably think I am using hyperbole and exagerration to make a point. While that is often the case here, no. Dude’s church URL is actually this www.godhatesfags.com

There is no god who hates anyone. There is no decent or respectable church on earth that hates anyone. Anyone who delivers a message of anything other than tolerance and love is an abomination and he shall suffer. I will not rest until Rev Fred suffers the horrible injustice he has heaped onto American soldiers families by boycotting their funerals. In addition, with a bit of a psychology background… dude doth protest too much. Get it? Historically, any time someone comes up with that much anti-gay rage… they are gay. Ask Sen Craig, ask, Karl Rove, ask J Edgar Hoover, ask Ted Haggard. All great gays of history, and all famous gay haters.

God doesn’t hate fags, Rev. God doesn’t hate anyone. That’s not his deal. I don’t hate anyone either, except you. Ooooh, burn! Live with that, you old cracker! This is why Rev Fred Phelps is the worst human on earth. Yes, even worse than David Caruso.