Let’s play catch throw

What’s better than that?  A stock photo of a father and son playing throw.  You were thinking ‘catch’, weren’t you?  Turns out your memories were wrong.  You were never playing catch, you were playing ‘throw’.  Besides, I am pretty sure the NFL or Gene Simmons own the word ‘catch’.

How do I know you weren’t playing ‘catch’?  Or… how do I know what the difference is?  Well… when your pops threw you the ball, you thought that part was over when the ball was in your hands, didn’t you?  In the old parlance, you thought that you had ‘caught’ it.  You magnificent naïve bastard.

Once you had the ball in your hand… once you ‘caught’ it… did you

  • Turn upfield?
  • Demonstrate possession?
  • Commit a further act of football?
  • Turn into an active runner?
  • Have the ball clearly long enough to become an active runner?

all you had was the ball in your hands.  That is a step, it is step 1 of 342 steps required to make a catch® in the NFL.   Since we truly don’t know what a catch is… what shall we call such a play in its infancy?  Like… what do we call a catch before the lawyers come in and adjudicated its catchiness?  To simplify, let’s call it a ‘grab’.  Someone threw you the ball, its in your hands… it’s a ‘grab’ (for this discussion only)

Now, let’s break it down… each one of the above.  Did you ‘turn upfield’?  What the hell does that mean?  It means after you took the ball, did you turn and begin running toward your endzone?

Did you Demonstrate possession?  Do you have any historic, dated, selfies of you and the ball?  Do you have receipts throwing at least three consecutive payments on said football?  Did you run up to the ref, bonk him in the nose gently with the football, and then run off?  Sure, the latter will get you kicked out of the game.  However… loophole… for them to accuse you of assault, they have to admit you possessed the ball.  Lastly, is your name in the stitching?

Did you commit a ‘further act of football‘?  I shit you not, that was the legal verbiage.

Then it wasn’t a catch, dummy.  There are just SOME of the rules of ‘what constitutes a catch’.  When you got home that night, did you put the football away?  That clearly demonstrates lack of control.

You disgust me.  Don’t even bother getting a flu shot this year, you couldn’t even catch a cold!   Now, let’s get out there and play some throw