not really a Fatwa, but kinda

Ok, you may remember I did a piece called ‘Fatwa‘ recently about my perceived enemies and how I wish them ill.  Frankly, it’s childish… yet effective.  I talked about my hatred of terrorist sympathizer and state enemy Robert Novak.  Then he got brain cancer.  I talked about what a monster hemmoroid Alaska congressman Ted Stevens was, for too many reasons to bother elaborating.  He is now on trial, and will likely die penniless, out of office, and humiliated.  I am not saying that was my wish, but that is what is happening. *** see update

Most recently, I added the deplorable Rev Fred Phelps (God Hates Gays) as someone I wish to see just plain die.  That hasn’t happened yet, but my confidence in my track record is secure.  So, there is another name I would like to add.  I don’t seek to see him dead, as he is a tad less odious than Phelps.

SEC chairman Henry Paulson.  This guy made zillions working for one of these investment banks (Goldman Sachs, look it up).  He made 38 million that year.  Fine, that is his business, good for him.  Then, like a genius, President Bush tapped this guy to be in charge of all of Wall Street.  Makes sense, right?  I mean, who knows Wall St better than a dude making 38 million a year?  Well, he was hired to be the top cop.  He took the job.  He eliminated control, oversight, and regulation with the help of his free market GOP buddies.

Then, despite warnings for years… did nothing.  Now, he is responsible for the biggest financial meltdown in the history of the United States.  Great work.  So, was he fired?  Nope.  Did he even apologize?  nope.  In fact, he needs to borrow 7 Billion from you.  Yes, the guy who just caused the world economy to drop into a recession, and lost a few hundred billion of our GNP wants a loan.

How is this guy not in prison?  How can we have ANY faith in our leadership if we let them loan the guy who broke the economy more money.  I mean, you pass the same bum every day.  You don’t still give him money, do you?  His sign says “need money for new clothes”, but every day for 8 years you gave him cash and he never showed up in new clothes.  You sense maybe he was spending the money on booze.  Ok, whatever.  That is his business.  Now that same bum just asked you for 7 billion dollars.

Yeah, I want Paulson fired.  Then, put on trial for egregious abuse of tax payer dollars and trust.  I can’t way I want him dead, but until he takes some accountability, I certainly do not wish him health.  Now, Mr Paulson… the ball is in your court.  You can ignore me, like Novak did, and get brain cancer.  Or…

*** apparently, I am more effective than I thought.  Stevenson died in a horrible plane crash while awaiting trial.  I didn’t want him dead, just out of office and away from power.  Fred Phelps, on the other hand, I want dead

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Fatwa

Generally speaking, I am a very joyful person. You know that. I don’t have to tell you that. You may know that I am actually a Reverend. I have married people, and am actually marrying a couple this Friday. This piece, however, is not a joyful piece. It is petty and small, but needs to be said. First off, I am calling off my fatwa against the horrible monster of a human Robert Novak. He just announced he has brain cancer and then retired from writing immediately. A week before he ran over an elderly pedestrian in his sports car and didn’t even know it. Point made. Novak won’t be a problem anymore.

While these pages are meant to celebrate greatness in culture like Nelson Mandela, or myself… there are those who are enemies of goodness. Specifically, I want to highlight the worst person on earth. Rev. Fred Phelps. Look at that visage up top. That is what hate does to you.

Now, know that this has NOTHING to do with religion. True, I do have my beefs with religion… but this is not one. This is against Rev. Fred. Why do I hate Rev Fred? Why do I call for him to be struck dead? Why am I declaring a ‘fatwa’ against this douchebag. Tell you why; he is the ‘god hates fags’ guy. He doesn’t just believe that god hates gays, he believes (seriously) that now god hates EVERYONE because we tolerate gays. Yeah. wtf is that? This guy (and his church lemmings) goes to soldiers funerals with signs that says ‘god hates fags’. You ask, gay soldiers? No, ALL soldiers.

Like Falwell, this dingus believes god created war and the tragedies of Sept 11th to teach us a lesson about tolerance of gays. You probably think I am using hyperbole and exagerration to make a point. While that is often the case here, no. Dude’s church URL is actually this www.godhatesfags.com

There is no god who hates anyone. There is no decent or respectable church on earth that hates anyone. Anyone who delivers a message of anything other than tolerance and love is an abomination and he shall suffer. I will not rest until Rev Fred suffers the horrible injustice he has heaped onto American soldiers families by boycotting their funerals. In addition, with a bit of a psychology background… dude doth protest too much. Get it? Historically, any time someone comes up with that much anti-gay rage… they are gay. Ask Sen Craig, ask, Karl Rove, ask J Edgar Hoover, ask Ted Haggard. All great gays of history, and all famous gay haters.

God doesn’t hate fags, Rev. God doesn’t hate anyone. That’s not his deal. I don’t hate anyone either, except you. Ooooh, burn! Live with that, you old cracker! This is why Rev Fred Phelps is the worst human on earth. Yes, even worse than David Caruso.