Friday Fives – childhood memories and dubious inventions

What image or scene from a children’s movie/show did you find disturbing?

Pretty much everything in Alice in Wonderland.  It’s a story about taking mushrooms and potions to get and small.  Hookah smoking caterpillars, and a queen whose only words are ‘off with her head’.  Everyone she meets it beheaded.

What kind of fucked up shit is that?  Btw, it’s my favorite book in the world.  I can, and will, go on endlessly about it.  With all the drug references, and that great Jefferson Airplane song, you may think it was written in the 60s.  It was, the 1860s.  It was written by a Reverend who had a doctorate in theoretical mathematics, and wrote books on the subject.

He was rather embarrassed about writing such trivial silliness, so he used a pseudonym.  Lewis Carrol is actually Rev Charles Dodgson.   Other coolness, there is an actual Alice in real life.  Here is a photo of her.  Her name is, or… was… Alice Liddell

My first tattoo will be a reference to that book.  This is what I am getting.  It isn’t just the white rabbit from the story.  It is drawn by Ralph Steadman, who did all of Hunter Thompson’s iconic illustrations.  It’s a great story, maybe the greatest.  But maybe not for little kids.

 What is a favorite scene/image from childhood that stays with you?

Nothing I can think off of the top of my head.  That ok?  But… thanks for trying to traumatize me.  Bully!

What’s on TV that no one is watching but should be?

No idea, we don’t have cable.  It means we watch a LOT of PBS.  Know what is fucking dope on PBS?  Frontline.  It’s as if 60 minutes and Ken Burns had a baby… I don’t think I have ever seen one that wasn’t compelling.  They could do a Frontline on eggplant color separation technology and it would be earth-shaking.

What’s playing on the music player that everyone should be listening to but isn’t?

Well, I don’t listen to radio, so I can’t speak to that.  When I say I don’t listen to radio, I don’t mean I am a thoughtster® that only listens to Terry Gross.  It means the antenna in my truck is busted, so the radio doesn’t work. With that being said, what I listen to is books on tape.  So should you.

Remove one letter from the name of a TV show or movie. What is the premise of the new show?

The Greatest American Her.  It follows a narcissist, a la a Kardashian, who has super powers of vanity.

 

 

*** Thoughtster – that is a word I invented about a week ago.  I am imagining a pretentious Sting stroking his beard and pontificating on some boring ass bullshit.  Same would work for Ian Anderson.  While I love Jethro Tull (even seem them live), their singer Ian Anderson is a pretentious windbag and elitist a-hole.  Nay… a thoughtster!  You are likely picturing this guy.   Yeah, he was that guy.  Now… he’s this guy.  I am picking on him because one of the things he LOVES to drone on about he pretension.  Imagine a John Cleese character who takes himself too seriously.  Actually… that would be John Cleese, wouldn’t it?

Now, go ahead and add that to your Microsoft dictionary, because you’ll be using it all the time!

thoughtster

I invented this.  and that.  and that.  Know what else I invented?  A laptop that has a 10 key build in.  Know what else  The fact that your cell phone a clock on it.  I was in the cell phone business when there was about 3 out there, in 1997.  Phones didn’t have internet back then, or caller id, or texting, or color, or cameras, or vibration.  They didn’t even have the time on them.  At Nextel, I suggested it to the engineers, and can even explain how it would work.  The phone pings the cell site, which has a very sensitive clock attached, for billing purposes. The phone has a battery.  I explained, in more sciencey terms (the MDap, to the HLR, to the VLR.  TDMA based).

they said thank you, nothing else.  Less than 6 months later, clocks appeared on our phones.  So, I can’t prove I did this, but I am confident I had a significant hand in it.  True story!

this reminds me of a character in Alice in Wonderland, since we are talking about it.  This guy was a total doofus, called the ‘White Knight’.  He ran around bumbling into shit, and claiming about everything ‘I invented that!’  Like… flowers and gravity and horses… he invented that!  Maybe the White Knight is my spirit animal.

Friday Fives – media inquiry edition

1.  What Jeopardy category would you totally dominate?

rock and roll.  If only there was a rock and roll jeopardy, I would run the world, seriously.  The  sad part is, they did have one, years ago.  Jeff Probst was the host, long before Survivor.  Problem with that was, it was only for celebs.  There are clips online, its fun to watch.  To soothe myself, I play the rock category on Quizup on my phone.  It is super addictive, and they have every category you can imagine.  I kill at Simpsons, and I am top in all of Colorado for rock trivia.  I am in the 30’s for nationwide, but crawling up every day.  Come find me and play some games online.  My screen name is ‘Baron von Lono’, and my avatar is a pic of Dali (but of course)

If you can beat me in rock trivia, I will buy you lunch.  What’s my secret?  Well, I learned from the ancients and elders, like the band Mister Mister.  Carry a ladle, my brother.  Carry a ladle indeed.

2.  What cover song do you enjoy more than the original?

Good and thoughtful question, I am impressed.  I would have to say Jimi Hendrix version of ‘All Along the Watchtower’ is easily one.  Strangely, that was Jimi’s biggest charting hit ever.  Bob Dylan (who wrote the song) like Jimi’s arrangement so much he changed the way he played it going forward to match Jimi’s version.

I am hoping and assuming you have heard Johnny Cash’s later work with Rick Rubin.  He did some AMAZING covers, and truly made them his own: Hurt, rusty cage, one.  Lesse… what else.  Janis’ version of Bobby McGee.  That is a Kris Kristofferson song.  Some other sad trivia about that is Janis never saw its success.  She died before the album came out that it was on.

Zac Brown band does a really great ‘Jolene’, which is Ray Lamontagne.  Quite a the departure for a country boy, and song that turned me on to ZBB.

Here is a fun one.  Walk off the Earth does a bitchin cover (and bitchin video) of Lorde’s ‘Royals‘.  All of their videos are super cool and innovative.

I will close with this awesome and unlikely pairing.  Willie Nelson covering Pearl Jam.

I could also tell you about the Grateful Dead covering Metallica.  However, you are just not ready for that yet.  But its real and it exists.

3.  What song, movie, game, etc. has a surprisingly dark message when you really look closer at it?

ooh, another thoughtful question.  I am quite tickled with today’s line of interrogation.  This is truly my expertise.  There are a bunch.  Born in the USA has such a booming and hopeful chorus.  The song is incredibly dark.  Reads mostly like a suicide note if you just look at the lyrics.  Here, go do.

Of course there is the Police with Every Breath you Take, but you already knew that one.

How about Today from Smashing Pumpkins?  Billy says he wrote that as a suicide note after fighting with writers block for some time, and a huge deadline approaching for him to deliver his big commercial breakthrough album (which became the masterpiece ‘Siamese Dream’).

There are, of course, tons.  All great music is written from sadness and heartbreak.

4.  What is the best, most creative music video you have seen?

That would have to go to the Beastie Boys ‘Sabotage’ video.  I can’t think of a better one.

5.    What’s your theme song?

this one, I think

Friday Fives – inventions

1. What is something you own, but have no idea how to use?

an iron.  I like to look nice, but I have NO idea how to iron.  I have tried, a lot.  Here is what happens, specifically – when I iron out these wrinkles right in front of me I am creating new wrinkles somewhere else.  It is never ending.  Luckily, I have an easy solution.  Everything gets machine washed, except dress shirts.  Those get dry cleaned.  It’s a buck a shirt, and SO worth it.  Plus, my dry cleaner is right on the way to work.  So, even if I knew how to iron, it is still worth a buck to two take two weeks worth of shirts.  bam, done!

2. What movie can you quote the most lines from?

like everyone, Princess Bride.  Bonus – also can do same with ‘Fish Called Wanda’.  I was also this way with ‘harold and maude’ and ‘harvey’.  But, I haven’t seen the former in about ten years.  I did watch Harvey three times last year.  It just came out on blu ray.  What a fantastic movie.  It’s probably 60 years old, but it holds up like crazy.

3. What is something useless that has been stamped to your permanent memory?

the details of every rock band.  every album, every lyric, every back story, i know what setlists are going to be to bands I don’t even follow.  Do you know what Billy Corgan’s middle name is, and why?  Do you know the last time the Dead played ‘Dark Star’?  Do you know Jack White’s real name is?  Do you know what Paul Simon was talking about when he sang about ‘Me and Julio down by the schoolyard’?  I do, and it’s USELESS.  I work in customer service, and not for a record company.

Here is a true story to prove my amazing and nearly useless amazing amount of rock knolwedge.  To say it is ‘complete’ is absurd… but it’s complete.  Again, here is my humble brag example.  I recently bought and read this terrific book.  It looked like stuff I likey knew already.  The wifey even said “why are you reading that, don’t you already know every story?”.  My reply was, “I do, but I want to fact check this guy to see if he does.”

In this book, I found a story that I wrote and discovered.  After  I ead that story, I told the wifey “this is MY scoop.  I am the one who found this”  She thought I was nuts, and maybe I was.  Then, I get to the end of the book and I am cited in the credits.  Seriously, check for yourself.  I am cited as reference material for a book on rock history and I didn’t even know about it.  That is pretty bad ass, and an honor.  You can check yourself.  My acknowledgement is on page 214, top line, of the paperback version.  I discovered my name in the book in the bathtub, and came running out to show the wifey.  naked and wet and old and fat.  That’s right, ladies.  Too bad I am taken!

By the way, if any of you are interested in setlist, this site is AWESOME.  It knows everything.  You can also search by venue, band, or even song.  Plus, they are freeHere is why you do, and don’t, want to check that site before your next rock concert.  The band you are going to see plays the exact same set each night.  It’s just a logistics thing, for lighting queues and instrument changes.  So, you can see what you missed, but I never check before I show, I want to be surprised by the song choices.

I do use my music knowledge to write, though.  It’s my two passions smooshed together all on this site.  Like this site, the content there is 100% original and my own.  It’s right over here.

4. What is something you feel is a pointless invention and why?

pointless?  Considering we still haven’t cured aids or cancer, not sure how much R&D we needed for the electic can opener.  Is this too complex for you?  Actually, I shouldn’t complain.  That can opener in the link above is AWESOME.  it isn’t what I grew up with, though.  We had these, and they are a piece of shit.  So, I guess I should praise can opener R&D so that we aren’t still stuck using this.

So since I kinda changed my vote mid- answer, do I have to re-answer the question?  I don’t wanna.  I love innovation, and I work in the tech field.  So, the wishy washy answer above will have to do.

5. What TV show has the best theme song?

can’t think of a catchier or better song than ‘friends’.  OOOHHH, wait.  THIS song.  I was so enamored with this song I took the bus all the way to the ball (two buses, actually, and then a 2 mile walk in the Phoenix sun) to buy the 33 rpm record.  that is how much I loved this song.  Joey Scarbury’s ‘Beleive it or Not’.  In fact, I will do more than hotlink it.  Let’s embed that shit!

Know what?  That wasn’t a very fulfilling Fives.  Normally, I would give you some bonus content – and you deserve my best.  But, the laptop battery is about 3 minutes away from dying.  So, we better wrap this up.  Have a great week, and know that we all love you.

*** update – as promised, the iPod fives game.  I am going to cross post this over to my other site.  Couple reasons for that.  One is, this post is plenty long.  The other is, I want to get y’all familiar with my other site.  It’s pretty good, if you know music.  It’s a few hours later and the laptop is charged.  Been writing for a couple hours now, which is pretty nice of me. I don’t get paid for this, and I am off to bed.