Friday Fives – cameltoe spider edition


What foods are just delivery systems for other foods?

I’d say just about any break, but certainly tortillas.  Also good is heroin.  If you get a good hot spoonful of bubbling heroin, and top it with some good Russian caviar… well it just hits all the centers in the right places.  Has to be GOOD caviar though.  Or, really any heroin.  In fact, I guess you don’t even need the caviar.  Just a big ole bubbly spoon of smack pretty much makes everything just a little better.

What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?

Whichever one you are about to hand me.  I don’t drink much, but when I do… I ain’t picky.  Anything but Scotch or Gin is just fine.  Beer, Whiskey, and Wine… all welcome over at any time.

What’s a food that tastes better when it’s a little burnt?

Just about everything I pan fry I prefer on the crispy end.  No point doing a pan fry or saute if its gonna be all mealy and sad and soft and gross (like me!.  Wifey likes here pizza that way.  I don’t , but not enough to care either way.  End result?  We eat slightly done pizza.  That is how you keep a marriage together for 20 years.

WAIT… I have a real answer.  French fries!  McDonalds and Chik Fil A are in a dual for best fries, and both are best when a tiny bit over done.  A proper fry should break, not bend.  Can I say I hate that I go to Chik Fil A.  I am not pleased with their take on gays.  While there is a freedom of speech issue that certainly protects them (which we can all celebrate)… going out and releasing press statements saying you don’t like gays is a bit much.

In this case, I am totally morally boycotting it.  Just not financially.

How do you subtly fuck with people for your own enjoyment?

Now if I told you that, you would know all the things I am doing.  Ok, I will teach you one.  Body language.  When you are listening to someone, and tuning out… turn your head a little to the side.  Makes you look all engaged and plaintive.  Chicks dig it!

What is the scariest, most terrifying thing that actually exists?

Camel spiders.  That fish that can get up and run from one body of water to another.  This presidency.  Voter apathy.  Chris Brown.  The NRA.  Did you know that the NRA used to be advocates of gun control?  Read this, it’s incredible?