Friday Fives – hemispheres, parietal lobes, and you!


What makes it easy to talk to someone? 

 A commonality to spark the conversation.  “how is your arson coming along?”  or… “how are your indictments going?”

What percent of the day do you spend talking? 

A ton.  The nature of my job is customer service.  Plus, one must keep a marriage together when you have an awesome partner.  Womenfolk, as a rule, tend to not much favor the ole’ silence treatment.  No complaints, though.  Obviously, I love to talk… and am quite fond of my opinion… hence these websites.

Even better (per a discussion below) – I love to have my mind changed by new information.  In politicians, they call this ‘flip flopping’, which is stupid.  I am thrilled to have to adjust my worldview by finding out new information… it is why we are alive.

Allow me to give you an example on a hot button topic > guns.  I used to be anti-gun.  However, I ended up over time being surrounded by gun nuts.  Yes, I am freely using the term ‘nuts’, because the passion they have, I think, is frighteningly disproportionate and too dogmatic.

BUT… with my gun crazy friends, I have learned a lot.  First off, they all take safety WICKED seriously.  That impressed me, and it comforted me. Second?  Guns are SO much fun.  Don’t overlook that, ever.  THAT is why people love guns.  It ain’t the constitution,  and it ain’t about protecting your house.  It’s the amazing rush you get squeezing off a few rounds of a 44 magnum.  It is f’n amazing!  If y’all would just say that, instead of invoking 200 year old governance, we might respect you more.  Look at this!  Do you know what this is?  It is a goddamn hand orgasm.

Yes, your right to arm bears is from the constitution… sorta.  It’s just an amendment, so don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back, k?  Guess what else is in the constitution?  Slavery, and the banning of drinking.  Have you ever ONCE heard a drunk person say “I am not an alcoholic!  I am simply exercising my constitutional rights and access to the 21st amendment”.  See how dumb that sounds?  That is how all you gun nuts sound.

Proof that I am open minded about guns?  I have one.  This does not mean I am pro-gun, but at least I see both sides.  The difference between me and all your gun nut buddies is that I am not pretending to be preparing for the British or the Americans to come for your guns.

 Just say these words, America:  “I love guns.  They are crazy stupid awesome fun.  You would love guns too if you had as many as I do.  When I hold a gun, I feel like a god. Plus, it is an added bonus that having guns angers liberals.  But… really… mostly, I just like to blow shit up.”

In sum, I have changed my perspective on guns.  Not really gun people, but guns.  Guns are like pit bulls and Camaros and Judas Priest cassettes… the real danger isn’t the weapon itself, but the fucktard behind hit.

Who, in your opinion communicates better: men or women?

It’s a fact, women.  Here comes science > Between our two brain halves is a highway that connects the two.  It is the communication highway, and it is called the ‘Corpus Callosum’.  Women have bigger ones of those, so they are able to more easily access and execute conversation.  Left handed folk do as well.  Why do I know this off the top of my head?  I am an amateur, freelance, neurologist.  Plus, as a left handed American, I am always fascinated by the workings and differences of the right handed vs left handed.  Update on that:  apparently absolutely everything they taught us about being a lefty has been proven wrong, like:  stuttering, prone to alcoholism, being more creative, being ‘right’ brained (heuristic, idea based, thinking models, vs right handed people being ‘left’ brained, and prone to being more analytical.  Lefties die younger.  I have studied left handedness for about 20 years, and I have no clear answers for you.

I can tell you this, though, lefties are 10% of the population (same reported percentage as gay, interestingly)… of the last 5 presidents, 4 were lefties.  Yes, I do have theories as to why that is, but we need to move on. All this sinister talk is more than you can handle, clearly.

What topics do you avoid when talking to a stranger?

This is where I am supposed to say avoid talking about politics and religion, right?  Yeah, that ain’t me.  I love to talk about those things.  I think they are fascinating, and give me a quick cheat sheet as to how interesting or likable you may be, in sympathy to my world views.  That doesn’t work, of course.  I somehow keep getting drawn to friends who are righties.  Go figure!

For the record, I do not proselytize religion, ever.  Meaning, I am an atheist, and aspiring Buddhist.  However, I never have, and never would, go around telling people about the joy of no god… or how not having god can make you a better person.  Your religion isn’t my business.  BUT… I do find it fun to talk about.  So… if you bring it up… then we shall dive right in.  Comedian Adam Carolla once made a perfect proclamation about religion:  “it’s like your genitalia. It shouldn’t be out in public, and you shouldn’t shove it down your kids’ throats.

Do you like to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations?

Anyone who says they don’t is a damn dirty liar.  I do not make an active effort to eavesdrop, nor do I make said effort to avoid it.  Discretion needs to be on your end.  Before you have another public and expletive laden meltdown with your dbag boyfriend… find somewhere private.  No one wants to hear that shit, and every time we do, we lose a little respect for you.


Friday Fives – genetics edition


1.  What did you lose the genetic lottery on?

omg, you name it.  Seriously, I am a compilation of shitty genetics.  No, a greatest hits.  I am a recessive gene party, and everyone’s invited.  left-handed, short, near-sighted, flat-footed, blue-eyed, balding.  If Mendel could see me he would cock punch me while Darwin held me town to make sure I don’t reproduce.

2.  On the contrary, what did you win in the genetic lottery?

well, given all things mentioned… I fared ok.  I am not bad-looking, above average intelligence, a stunning Napoleon complex, and a big… well… you know.  I ain’t gonna say it, though.  Trying to class the joint up, when I can.

3.  If you could click your fingers and instantly become the best in the world at one thing, what thing would you choose?

persuasiveness.  You didn’t see that coming, did you?  With that, I could do everything else.

4.  If there was a global contest, what would you be judged as the worst at?

ability to ‘let it go, man’.  However, I am working on that every day.  I remind myself to be Buddhist, and not get bogged down by attachment to issues and problems.
5.  What have you been blamed for that you never did?

couple things.  When I was 16, I worked at Jack in the Box.  I worked the register, which meant counting the till every night and reporting the take.  This was always compared by the manager to the register.  Generally, the goal was to be no more than a few bucks off.  One night, I came in $60 short.  This means, for all practical purposes, that I took the money.  The evidence is there.  They wrote up me up for it.  But I never took the money.

the other thing was tagging the school.  I was there, but did not participate.  Oh, there are plenty of horrible things I have done.  We don’t need to talk about those.  This is just stuff I didn’t do.  I swear to Jerry Garcia I didn’t do it.