Push Polling – evil fun with politics


I want to talk to you about ‘Push Polling’.  It’s a political trick, and it works.  There is an off year election coming up, so I want you know these tricks.  People say ‘negative campaigning doesn’t work’.  They are wrong, it almost always works.  Push Polling is kinda awesome and brilliant.  It’s also wrong, really deeply morally wrong.

So, here is what Push Polling is.  Let’s say the candidate’s name is Lono.  Let’s say you are the opposition to Lono.  In this scenario, Lono is a Democrat and the opposition is a Republican.  It’s a fair generalization, as this tactic was pioneered by the GOP.  So, they call you and say “if I told you that Lono wanted to murder puppies who don’t pay taxes.  Is that something you would support?”

Now, this is nonsense.  However, now I have to answer questions about puppy murder.  Now the headline in the papers says “candidate Lono denies puppy murder”.  Now, when you type in ‘Lono’ in google, it will auto-complete ‘puppy murder’.  It’s fucked up, and it works.  Shit, just me writing this article will connect those words together.  That is why I use the pseudonym.

Hunter Thompson did this to great effect against Ed Muskie.  He thought it would be funny to spread a rumor that he was hooked on Ibogaine.  It was brilliant, and of course evil.  Most importantly, it worked.  Now this poor Muskie guy is defending himself against a totally fabricated claim.  In fact, when you Wiki ‘Ibogaine’, this scandal comes up.

While in Wisconsin covering the primary election for the United States presidential election of 1972, gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson submitted a satirical article to his editor at Rolling Stone accusing presidential nominee Edmund Muskie of being addicted to ibogaine. When Rolling Stonepublished the piece, many readers, and even other journalists, did not realize that Thompson’s assertion was facetious. The claim was completely unfounded, and Thompson was surprised that anyone believed it.[69]

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Friday Fives – music?

1. Do you play an instrument?   Why or why not?

 Yes.  I can play bass guitar and some piano.  Mostly, I play guitar.  I started on trumpet.  It was a mean instrument, in every possible sense.

2. How have you changed since high school?

 I am much more open minded about situations.  Everything used to be black and white.   A right side, and a wrong side.  Now, I see that things are much nuanced.  My mother taught  me to see both sides, and it has served me very well.  I realize as I grow older that the only true currency is time.  I am not even saying I don’t waste time.  Wasting time is my favorite thing to do.  I mean, I choose to spend my time only with people who bring me up or make me happy.

negativity or paranoia are simply not an option.  You were interesting to get drunk with in college, but now you just seem crazy and sad.

3. Will your memoir be a Hollywood blockbuster?

will it be?  Ever see ‘Avatar’?  That was my story, and it’s kind of a big deal.  Jesus, you hayseeds don’t even have 3D yet, do you?

4. If you have an itch do you scratch it?

if I can, I get my wife to scratch it.  That is somehow more satisfying.  Also, my itches are always on my back… where I can’t get to.  Something tells me this question is a metaphor for something bigger.  Ok, I will play your game.  What is my ‘itch’?    Here are my coming mid life crisises….  I want to sky dive, and spend a summer in Alaska.

Back to the literal interpretation of the question > I am pretty serious about backscratching.  I keep a bamboo backscratcher at my desk at work and one on every floor the of house.  I LOVE getting my backscratched.  It is a childhood thing.  I was getting a massage two weeks ago, and I asked the lady if she could just scratch my back for an hour.  For the record, the answer was no.  Also, I think that totally creeped her out.

5. Would you rather: Listen to a hot licks electric guitar or wicked pickin’ acoustic guitar.

easiest question to answer – acoustic.  Acoustic guitars are my favorite things.  I love them above trucks, and most women.  In closing, I beg you to watch this.  Seriously.  Over and over again.


Friday Fives

1. What’s your name or alias?

Lono.  Wanna know where I got it from?  I may have told you this, not sure.   I have always been a Hunter Thompson fan, big time.  You know that by now.  I was reading Curse of Lono from him. It’s my favorite of his long form fiction.  Anyhow, I named my cat in college ‘Lono’.  Then, we got evicted because of the meathead frat assholes who lived above us.  We got blamed for them hucking beer bottles at cars in the parking lot.

So, I went to stay with my buddies at the smurf house.  I took my cat.  For whatever reason, as some way to likely bother me, they called me ‘Lono’.  It stuck, and it’s stuck.  The original name comes from a Hawaiian god.

2. What are your abilities?

Nothing for you to concern yourself with.

3. What’s your main goal as an all-powerful villain?

The destruction of the religious right

4. By what means do you go about trying to accomplish this?

Compassion, joy, and knowledge

5. What’s your fatal flaw or weakness?

Compassion, joy and knowledge

* that picture up there at the top… that is an original piece of art from my friend Kermit.  More on that later, I promise.