Judge, jury, hipster Reverend

I am not a judge, nor am I part of the judicial process.  While it is true that I am both an ordained Reverend, and a member of the bar… I hold no legal sway.  I should clarify that last comment.  I am, in fact, a member of the bar.  I simply didn’t say what bar.   Last year I was traveling for business in Utah.  Yes, truly regrettable.  Anyhow, a few of us went out for beers after the conference.

In Utah, you can’t just walk into a bar and have a beer.   Seriously.  You have to be sponsored, and then pay a membership fee.  It sounds like a fancy term for a ‘cover charge’, right?  It ain’t.  They took and ran my drivers license through their state scmods and then charged me $8 to be a member of that bar.   It is a totally retarded state, run entirely my overzealous Mormons.

Sadly, it is also the most beautiful state I have ever visited.  Too bad I will never return on principle.

Focus, that isn’t why we are writing, here.  I am writing to say I have a strong feeling about that missing girl from Florida.  This story.

Here is my report.  The parents are involved.  The parents are guilty.  Case closed.  I don’t even know what happened to that girl, or if she is ok.  I am guessing she is not.  According to Amber Alert data, missing children are generally killed within hours.

Regardless, the parents are involved.   Now, without knowing any more than you, how can I judge like that?  Well, for starters… let’s look at Dad.  Dad went off to work and left the babies with his 17 year old live in girlfriend.

Read that again.  Not only is this guy having sex with children (17 is a minor), he is letting his little fuck buddy watch the family in his absence.  Nice work, Dad.

How about the mom, where was she?  Well, she wasn’t in the picture.  That isn’t really our business.  However, when grilled about her missing daughter, the absent mom admitted their relationship was ‘rocky’.

Rocky?  Wtf?  This is a 5 year old.  This is your 5 year old.  How does one have a rocky relationship with a kindergartner.  They love you, they worship you.  All you have to do is let them know for sure you love them unconditionally.

So, I hope this kid makes it back safe.  Not quite sure who she would be better off with, though.  I am having a very ‘Gone baby gone’ moral dilemma.  Ah hell, Nancy Grace probably took the damn kid.  Anyone search her house yet?  Word is she is shacking up with David Caruso these days.


Nancy Grace is killing our white women







I know, strong words.  I can’t say I have proof, but there is plenty of circumstantial evidence.   Did anyone ever wonder why people started dying whenever Jessica Fletcher showed up in their tiny town?  And, wasn’t she a murder writer?   I think it is pretty clear Jessica Fletcher (nee Angela Lansbury) was killing people in small towns to drive her mystery writing.


Nancy Grace is doing the same thing.  She is obsessed with missing white women.  Here is a perfect example.  I don’t have CNN anymore at home, since I cut cable.  So, luckily I don’t have see her venomous existence.  However, yesterday at the store I saw a tv tuned to CNN and a picture of a pretty young white blond gal with the words ‘missing’.  Instantly, I grabbed my phone and texted this to my buddy Roy “another pretty white woman missing, Nancy Grace must have a chubby right now”.


This morning, I decided to do a bit more digging… because I am ten times the journalist she is.  I looked up the story and found it here:




Now look at that URL.  What do you see?  You see the name ‘grace’ in there don’t you?   But why, the victim’s name wasn’t grace.  Has Nancy Grace actually co-opted this human as a possessive byline?   Well, she has.


Let’s not forget that Nancy Grace was the one pushing very very hard for those Duke LaCrosse kids to be imprisoned for life.  Even though was there was complete and compelling evidence they were totally innocent (they were filmed 45 minutes away when the attack supposedly occurred).   Turns out they were super innocent.  How innocent?  The state pressed charges against their own prosecutor.


The day they were exonerated, did she go on the air and apologize?  Nope.  She called out sick and ran re-runs for the rest of the week.  You stay classy, Nancy Grace!