morning people are bad, and I finally have proof!

Long ago I found some research that talked about the difference between night people and morning people. I am a late person. In addition, I don’t care for morning people. We learned in the last study that ‘morning people’ grow weaker and dumber as the day wears on. Whereas… night people become better, smarter, and more engaged as the day wears on.

Herman Hesse said this about being a night owl

the Steppenwolf was a night prowler.  The morning was a wretched time of day for him. He feared it and it never brought him any good. […] With this was bound up his need for loneliness and independence.

Of course, he is describing a werewolf of sorts… but the subtext is pure Hesse.  Now, if I may quote myself… here is what we discussed:

See, what this means is that you peak at 9 am.  That’s it, you are done for the day.  Each passing minute after 9 am, you become even dumber.  Impressive.  Insightful.  Explains a lot, don’t it?

Yet, with me…  nearly every second you encounter me… I am getting better.  As the day grows on, I am getting smarter and stronger every minute.  You might be thinking my awesomeness can barely be contained, and you would be correct.  It’s fun being correct, isn’t it?  You should try it more often.  I wake up every day and remind myself how great it is being right.  American, I am your gift… and you are welcome.

The good news is that I will clearly not beat your ass.  Apparently, you are fierce like a lion at 9 am.  Me?  Not so much.  Come 9 pm, though, I am outside your house and ready to box.  You better not be in bed, pussy!

In short, we are better than you. I knew it, you knew it, but finally science has my back.
Guess what, we have new news. Guess what, it backs me… not you. HEY, are you accusing me of selecting news that only backs my side of the story? Damn right I do. You want fair and balanced? Who doesn’t? I am just saying you won’t find it here. I don’t pretend to be a fair journalist. I am just plotting my way through the miasma just as you. There is likely just as much info saying morning people are better. Guess what, though?   You will never find it because you are a lazy thieving rapist! Ok, maybe they didn’t use those exact words… but I think we can all agree that is the underlying story.

See, this new study says ‘morning people’ become less honest throughout the day? Frankly, you morning people sicken me! I think you didn’t even pay for this content you are reading right now, did you?

Employees face many temptations to behave unethically at work. Resisting those temptations requires energy and effort. But the energy that is essential to exert self-control waxes and wanes. And when that energy is low, people are more likely to behave unethically. This opens up the possibility that even within the same day, a given person could be ethical at one point in time and unethical at another point in time.

Because their (morning folks, or ‘larks’) energy levels should follow different patterns, and this energy is crucial for resisting temptation, we expected larks (morning people) to be more unethical.

The Harvard blog is saying that as the day goes on, you morning folk get tired. When that happens, interestingly, you morning folks (or… Larks as they like to call them) get less and less ethical over the course of the day. To be fair, they say the same impact in on night folks (or… ‘owls’). They say we are weaker and less ethical in the morning. But… guess what… I am asleep in the morning – you thieving bastards!

** update Aug 2019 > now we have these assholes to deal with.

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Validation!

Ok, good news.  I am not crazy.  I am not just saying that because a Facebook quiz was able to validate my lucidity.  Nope!  I am sober as a judge.  See, when I grew up, there used to be crazy people, all kinds.  Not anymore, everyone just has a disorder.  Don’t believe me?

People used to have ‘road rage’.  And… we used to call them ‘assholes’.  No more.  They simply have ‘Intermittent Explosive Disorder’.  I told you about this back in June of ’06.

Wait, there’s more!  Did you know that there are people who cut off their limbs?  Yes, perfectly good limbs getting cut off my their owners.  Nutjob?  Wack case?  David Caruso?  Nope… another disorder.  I wrote about several of these over the years.  It was a series I call ‘ a good smackin’.  My bitch was this this > personal accountability is gone.  We are a society of victims.

Me?  Not a victim.  I rose above our blame culture to take accountability!  I was courageous enough to point out what a bunch of sally’s you all were.  Really, I was a hero in this arena.  That is, until last Friday.  You know if you have read more than one post from me, or spent more than one week with me, I hate mornings.  Secretly, I thought it was me being lazy.  I think my family thinks that too.  I know my wife thinks so.  Well, now I got a disorder too.

That may be because evening people show increased motor cortex and spinal cord excitability in the evening, about 9 p.m., meaning they had maximal central nervous system drive at that time, Lagerquist said.

Morning people, on the other hand, never achieve this level of central nervous system drive because the excitability of the motor cortex does not coincide with the excitability of the spinal cord. In other words, these two measures never peak at the same time, he said. Early birds’ brains were most excitable at 9 a.m. and slowly decreased throughout the day.

See, what this means is that you peak at 9 am.  That’s it, you are done for the day.  Each passing minute after 9 am, you become even dumber.  Impressive.  Insightful.  Explains a lot, don’t it?

Yet, with me…  nearly every second you encounter me… I am getting better.  As the day grows on, I am getting smarter and stronger every minute.  You might be thinking my awesomeness can barely be contained, and you would be correct.  It’s fun being correct, isn’t it?  You should try it more often.  I wake up every day and remind myself how great it is being right.  American, I am your gift… and you are welcome.

What I really need is a disorder name.  Everyone gets one.  People with Road Rage have Intermittant Explosive Disorder.  Your kid isn’t a hyper spaz, she just has adhd.   Your brother didn’t chop his arm off after eating way too much acid, he has Apotemnophilia.  You may not be a lazy good for nothing emotional waste of space…  scientists say you may just be a ‘teenager’.

See, once I get a name for my disorder… I am then a protected class.  What does that mean?  It means if you wake me up I will sue your ass!  I also think it means I can come into work whenever I feel like it, racist.

The good news is that I will clearly not beat your ass.  Apparently, you are fierce like a lion at 9 am.  Me?  Not so much.  Come 9 pm, though, I am outside your house and ready to box.  You better not be in bed, pussy!