Friday Fives

1.What was your favorite cartoon as a child?

As a kid, Ziggy.  Then, in high school, I discovered Bloom County.   Funny, thoughtful, brutal.  Though Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes are of course great, Bloom County seemed to go under the radar.  Absolutely still my favorite.  Who can forget Opus, and Bill the cat?  That is them up there, as Deathtoungue.  Also known as Billy and the Boingers.

2. Do you read comic books? Why or why not?

No.  No interested.  The reading I do is mostly biography.  I am interested more in history now.  My reading list, since you asked, is right here.

3. Have you read a book and thought it should be turned into a movie? If so, which book?

Of course, tons.  First choices would be ‘Curse of Lono’ by Hunter S Thompson.  It is a semi autobiographical tale of him traveling to Hawaii in 1980 to study this new culture of running.

4. Do you watch cartoons now if you are a teenager/adult?

No.  I like Fox’s Sunday night shows, but have band practice.  Seth McFarlane is awesome!  If I am flipping through the channels and Sponge bob is on, I usually watch.

5. What is your favorite quote from a television show?

“The Sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.”  That is Seinfeld.  Almost every single day Seinfeld somehow comes up in life.  In fact, I am watching it right now.  This one is about Mulva.

cartoons that suck

* America, you are apeshit for this post.  Frankly, I am puzzled.  It isn’t very good.  Also, I come off as a dismissive asshole (which might be accurante).  Anyhow, this is the most read ‘piece’ of the last year.  I am glad you are here, please stick around and read 2 or 3 more pieces.  Look up to the right, those are my other most read posts.  Thanks for stopping by, though!  – Lono 2/2012

** addendum to the addendum.  This piece is still the most read.  Wtf?  I am tempted to take it down.  it is mean spirited.  I write to be funny and have some release.  As I re-read this, I am just a jerk and a bully.  However, regarding every word I said below… I am Correct.  If it takes 2 guys to write a mediocre one panel comic… you are not a cartoonist.  I am genuinely glad you stopped by.  Please read a couple more pieces before you go.  I promise, they aren’t as mean – 4/2013

I pretty much hate all cartoons now. Ever since Bloom County, Calvin & Hobbes, and the Far Side are gone… I just don’t see funny any more. In fact, the only funny in today’s cartoons are at this site, where the author breaks down the subtext of each panel… and well.

What’s worse? Lazy cartoonists. Here are two perfect examples of why cartoons suck. First up is ‘Pluggers’. Pluggers is a single panel cartoon where the story lines are submitted by readers. Here, enjoy the whimsy:

Simply beyond terrible.  Not funny.  What’s worse?  He has his readers write this shit.  So, what exactly does the cartoonist do?  He takes a paycheck for your hack ideas.

What’s next?  Cartoon teams.  Many cartoons are written by two guys.  One writes the text, and the other draws.  Guess what, if you can’t do both, then you are not a cartoonist.  Think about it, cartoons aren’t drawn terribly well.  Also, they generally aren’t written very well.  If the drawer were particularly good, he would be an artist.  Same with the content.  Henry Miller wasn’t writing cartoons in between the ‘Tropic’ series.

So, what do you get for two minds cranking out one cartoon?

oh snap.  Someone is about to get served, yo.  Did it really take two people to write this?  It is a poor man’s Far Side.   I guess they had writer’s block that day.  Yeah, that gem is called ‘Brevity’ by Guy & Rodd.  What a bunch of tools.  I bet they sit around and admire Anne Geddes books.