getting change at Pawn Stars


An imagined scene in Pawn Stars

Customer walks in, let’s call him Bob.  Camera pans to behind the counter.  We have Rick and Chumlee there.

Rick:  Whatcha got for me, boss?

Bob:  A $100 bill.  I’d like some change, my daughter wants to ride the old electronic 25 cent pony machine out front

Rick:  $100 bill, huh?  Ok, what are you looking to get for it?

Bob: just some change, a $100 worth.  Any denomination would be fine

Rick (holding the bill up against the light, examining it carefully) – Well, it looks pretty good to me.  Lemme call in my buddy James.  James helps me with all things currency related

Bob:  Really?  Is that necessary?  Are you afraid it’s counterfeit?  Should I be afraid?

Rick:  Let’s just hang tight and have James take a look

James:  Rick and the guys bring me in whenever they have questions about money stuff.  I am the head narfel at the Clark County Currency Museum, Pez Vault, and overnight weed dispensary. Medical only, of course.   Ok, Rick, whaddya got for me?

Rick:  well, this gentleman brought in a $100 bill, and I am just looking to you for some advice on what you think it’s worth.

James:  well, upon a quick look, everything checks out.  Stardand treasurey $100 bill, this one looks to be 2 years old, and the serial numbers line up with his story

Rick:  So, it’s good?

James:  Well, the only real way to tell with these things is to tear it in half.  Then, dip both halves in mayonnaise and then light it on fire.  If it’s real, it will smell just awful.  Of course, you risk ruining the bill that way… but it’s the only way to be sure.

Bob:  Whoah, hey.  Let’s not do that.  I just wanted some change, sideburns here says the bill is fine.

Chumlee:  Hey mister, I’ll give you a $100 for it

Rick:  See, Chum?  That is why I don’t let you here a lone.  You’d have us bankrupt in 2 weeks.  Bob, whaddya looking to get here?

Bob:  $100 back in change.  My god, this is all really weird, and I still don’t know why you have 4 cameras aimed at me.  Maybe a $50 back, couple $20s, and then some smaller stuff so my little girl can ride the horsey out front

Rick:  well, Bob.  I can tell you that had you come in here about 10 years ago, this would have really been worth something.  In the rapping heyday, everything was about the Benjamin’s (factoid pop’s up on the screen about how Franklin is the only non president on a bill).  Man… ten years ago we could really got a deal.  These days, barely worth what it’s printed on.  Tell ya what; you did come all the way down here.  How does $50 sound?

Bob:  you want to take my $100 bill, and only offer me $50 in change?  That’s nuts.  I’ll just take it back and head somewhere else

Rick:  Listen, man.  I totally understand.  Here’s the thing.  I buy this from you, I gotta store it.  I gotta get it in, and then back out, of the register.  Probably several times.  Then, I gotta go have Chum make a bank deposit run.  He’ll get half way there and run into a strip club and forgot why I sent him out.  Best I can do is $75, and that’s with me probably taking a loss on this one.


Friday Fives



  1. If you had to be part of some reality show, which would it be?

the quiet guy on the hit show.  The one everyone wanted to open up…  like a walnut.  I want America wanting to know more about ole Lono.  On that note, you have done very little to help.  Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.

  1. What would your challenge be for “Fear Factor”

I don’t understand the question.  Are you asking what can I tolerate that others would find super gross?  I am not as tough as I look.  So, I shall pass on your sucky offer.

  1. Which reality show do you enjoy watching?

well, not fear factor.  I think we can all agree on that.  I like Pawn Stars a lot, and also Gold Rush: Alaska.  also enjoyed celeb apprentice.  I no longer watch ‘Survivor’ or the ‘Amazing Race’.  Just got bored of the exact same thing with the exact same people.

  1. Which reality show would you never be caught dead watching?

the fat loss one.  Biggest Loser, I think.

  1. What’s so fascinating about reality shows anyway?

I enjoy watching genuine reactions.  I know, I know… this is rare in reality tv.  Things are punched up, edited, and re-enacted for the cameras.  However, on occasion you get a real glimpse of humanity.  I like it as a cross reference to how I might have behaved.