The Justice Files

This is a great story.  This is a story about a man who stole library books and got ten years in prison yesterday.  You are probably a law abiding person.  So, you may not know what the fair market value of a crime is regarding a prison sentence.  Generally, murder is about a ten year sentence.  Drugs are usually a few years.  DUI is a couple of weeks.

There are sentencing exceptions, though, to be sure.  How about the lady who murdered her husband.  It was pre-meditated, and she was convicted.  Guilty, guilty, and guilty of first degree murder.  Serious stuff, kids.  She served 67 days.  How about once hot starlet Lindsay Lohan.  On her second DUI, she got an aggravated DUI, was driving on a suspended license, and was in possession of cocaine.  This is also a great story.  She was all liquored and coked up and she stole a car to try and run down her assistant who was trying to quit.

Why was her assistant trying to quit?  Well, the rumor is her boss does coke and then tries to kill her.  She served 93 minutes on that sentence.  We should run a quick checklist, for those of you keeping score:  2nd DUI, suspended license, hijacked car, attempted vehicular assault, and coke.  93 minutes in jail.  I have done more time in jail for peeing on the side of the road.

So, those were known as the exceptions… until today.  A dude got caught checking out thousands of library books > then selling them.  Strangely, I am not troubled by this.  I am keenly aware we are a nation of jailers, and have more of our citizens in jail than any developed country.  I guess I just want you to have a blue print for the rules before you go out a’ crimin’.

  • murder  > no biggie, 2 months jail
  • aggravated DUI with narcotics > nuttin’, 2 hours jail
  • not murdering your neighbor > biggie,   11 years jail*
  • reselling library books > also a biggie, 10 years jail

So, the evidence would suggest that the penalties are steeper for not murdering your neighbor than actual murder.  This would be correct.  In fact, here is my point:

If you are going to steal some books, be sure to murder someone in the process.  Why?  Because, after you murder someone, they will ‘plea down’ the library charges for a guilty plea on the murder.  Then, if you did it (the murder)… you will only do two months.  However, if you didn’t… you are looking at 11 years in the big house.