Oh no, not another puppy

I had a revelation today.  One so great, I had to share it with you.  Trust me, you can use this at parties this weekend and you will be a huge hit.

We (the Denver Broncos) are down a quarterback officially.  We expected this, as we have a new coach.  This coach has come in and cleaned house.  Everyone is out.  He is building a young new team in his image.  He is the next generation mastermind.  This will probably be great one day, but not so much now.

See, every Saturday I volunteer at the dog shelter. You should too. I see what people want, people want puppies. I completely understand that. They want to raise a dog on their own rules, with their own values. Do you see where I am going with this?

Nobody wants an old dog. Nobody wants someone else’s baggage. Nobody wants to hear “that isn’t how we used to do it back in Cleveland”.

So, I see why coach wants a puppy too. See, a puppy will be loyal by your side for life. He will protect you and defend you. He knows no other master.

Sounds great, right? Wrong. What you are getting isn’t a loyal well trained companion… yet. Nope, you got a puppy. Do you know what a puppy does? He chews up everything and shits wherever he stands. He won’t listen to you, and is maybe more vain than necessary.

Puppies, though adorable, are a monster pain in the ass. Jay Cutler was a puppy. Coach Shanny saw the potential and groomed him for more. Now that is a new landlord, and he wants his own puppy.

Great. Get ready for two years of chewed up undies and shit piles in the corner.


If you see the Buddha in the road… a modern football parable

*** I wrote this ten years ago, or longer.  Seems pertinent again.


If you see the Elway Manning in the road, kill him

There is an old saying in Buddhism: If you see the Buddha in road, kill him.

Here in Denver, even since John Elway left… every QB is compared to him heavily. It is getting incessant and deafening. It reminds me of the boy who had to utter in every after school movie: I’m not Timmy, Dad. Timmy is dead. My name is Sam and I like to dance. When will you accept me, dad?

After just watching the worst performance of a pro-football team I can ever remember… I know what is coming. For the next week, every yahoo sportswriter in Denver will be calling for Jake’s head. Every sentient being will want him fired and say I told you so. Problem with that is, had we won, every single yahoo sportswriter would say “he’s our boy! Told you so! Golden child, that Plummer… he just didn’t have a proper offense in Phoenix, that’s all.

The next thing they are going to do is call for coach Shannahan’s job. They are going to explain to you that Shanny hasn’t won a playoff game without Elway. This is true, but we have also had a winning season every season he has been here. Problem is, we just choke in the playoffs (big time).

The meaning of the phrase ‘if you see the Buddha in the road, kill him’ is this: Buddhism is inside you, and not about a deity. Buddhism is about living by a set of self governing rules that dictate you do no harm to others. It is called the ‘Eightfold path’. The Buddha declared while he was alive that he was NOT a supreme being or immortal. The point is that if you see the Buddha in the road, you are not practicing Buddhism. Buddhism is about yourself and what’s inside. Buddhism is about your choices and actions. So, if you see the Buddha in the road… kill him. Kill him because he represents your desires and manifestations of outward grace and spirituality.

This is about attachment, and ego.

What every single QB we have had has needed and wanted to say to the media: I am not John Elway Peyton Manning,  dad. I wasn’t and never will be. He is gone forever, and I need you to accept that.  I just want to dance!  When will you accept that?