Friday Fives – holiday edition

1.  What is your favorite holiday food?

biscuits and gravy.  It’s a tradition we have, the wifey makes it on Christmas morning.  Allow me to ‘splain.  I had NEVER had biscuits and gravy growing up.   Not once.  Never heard of it, so I wasn’t missing it.

Then, my girlfriends (now wife, of course) mom made some when we were staying there.  It was miserably cold and snowy out, and odds are it was miserable and snowy inside, too. There was no heat, and the fire hadn’t been started yet.  Being from Phoenix, I didn’t have a lot of mountain stock in me… yet.

Anyhow, it was the best thing I had ever had.  Then, a few years later, the wifey and I were visiting Washington DC.  Our pal took us to Tim Horton’s and told us to make sure we ordered the biscuits and gravy.  Well, that sealed it.  That shit is my favorite food on earth.  However, because it is wicked unhealthy… I only have it about once or twice a year.

2. Do you have a favorite holiday movie or television show?

a Christmas Story.  It’s an absolute storytelling masterpiece.  I own two copies, and always watch the TBS marathon as well.  What about Christmas Vacation?  I think it is over-rated and phoned in.  I love the original, and the European one… but the Christmas one is a big stinking turd.

3. Do you have a favorite holiday song?

yes, River, by Joni Mitchell.  The next would be ‘happy christmas’ from John Lennon.  So simple, so beautiful.
4. What’s your favorite holiday tradition?

Festivus- the every other annual Christmas eve party we host.   That is for the Colorado side of things.  On the Arizona side of things, we jam the whole big ass family (wives, hubbies… everything but kids) into a limo and go out to a real nice dinner together.  It is a pretty new tradition, but it is a tradition I treasure the most.

5.  Who would win in a fight, Snow White’s 7 dwarfs vs. Santa’s 9 Reindeer?

well, since the reindeer posses supernatural powers I am going with team Reindeer.  I mean, are you with me, here?  The reindeer have Santa, who is on god’s team.  God will super kick your ass if you f with him.  Go ahead, check the first testament.  Before Jesus showed up to give everyone a hug and a speech in the second new testament… god was out there fucking people’s shit up.  That is why I love the first testament god, he is a bad ass!

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Friday Fives

What’s your favorite holiday album?

Vince Guaraldi’s Charlie Brown Christmas.  Here, have a sample, you know this music.

Also need to make a special acknowledgement of Elvis’ Christmas Albums.  They are awesome!  They are completely phoned in.  Elvis doesn’t even bother articulating lyrics.  He just sings via guttural gesticulations.

What song’s lyrics, title, or theme best expresses the positive aspects of your general mood at this time of year?

River by Joni Mitchell

What song’s lyrics, title, or theme best expresses the not-so-positive aspects of your general mood at this time of year?

River by Joni Mitchell

What’s your favorite song about a non-December holiday?

Alice’s Restaurant by Arlo Guthrie

What holiday song makes you want to cover your ears and flee?

Paul McCartney’s ‘Simply having a wonderful Christmas Time’.  The reason is because the are NO LYRICS.  There is no VERSE or CHORUS.  There is no intro, bridge, or outtro.  He just says that goddamn fucking sentence over and over and over again for four minutes until I stick pencils into my bleeding ears.  Then I have to go to the hospital, again.  That does not make for a simply wonderful Christmas.  Especially when, in the Urgent Care waiting room, they play that song.  What I then do is staple my eye lids down.  This usually causes me to finally black out, and all is well again.  Is that what you wanted, Paul?  Did David Caruso put you up to this?  I will have you all killed!