oh great, another rule

Dear reader (and I mean that in its singularity),

I hope you aren’t a big fan of civil rights, because we are about to lose another one in 3,2,1….  Why?  Some a-hole lit off fireworks or explosives on an airplane today.  read here.  This morning, it was reported as a passenger lighting fireworks on a plane in mid-air.  Seems reasonable to me.  Then, the story takes a twist.  By this evening, the story was a terrorist trying to ignite explosives.  Either way, we are screwed.

Remember when the twin towers were attacked by those two planes?  Well, now we can’t bring knives onto the plane.  It seems reasonable at first, unless you are a whittling auteur… as I am.  Anyway, we assumed it was for the good and we accepted it.  Big Mistake.

Why?  Because of that asshole Richard Reid.  Richard Reid put explosives in his shoes, and then tried to light them to explode the plane. Problem was, he did not anticipate his foot sweat… and he was unable to light them.  So, now we have to take our shoes off every time we get on a plane.

Then… someone tried to mix a liquid bomb in a gatorade plastic bottle.  It was a disaster, and nothing happened.  We also learned that, had the bomb actually worked (which it didn’t) it would have not taken down the plane at all.  Now, we can’t bring liquids onto airplanes.  This is a monster pain in the ass, the whole 3 oz thing in a clear plastic bag.  Yes, more of the man telling us what to do… and so the terrorists have won.

So, just as the FAA is seriously pondering removing the shoe and liquid laws, this happens.  Some guy gets on a plane… on Christmas, mind… gets on a plane and lights off fireworks. You just know where this is going, right?  Any day, those Federal bureaucrats and asshats will be banning fireworks anyday.  There are a couple of things I care about in life, and they bring me joy.  One is flying, and the other is cherry bombs.  Yeah, I light fireworks on planes… a LOT.  I should probably speak in the past tense.  You know that it will be all the rage to ban explosives on planes.  It’s typical bullshit, and the man is trying to keep me down.

What is next?  I mean, no fireworks, no knives, no shoes, no liquid.  What if some asshole invents an eyeglasses bomb?  I am not taking my glasses off for anyone, I can’t see shit without them.

I am not just here to complain, though. Only a coward would do that.  So, here is what you can do.  Here is how we take the power back.  Before Congress reconvenes after the holidays… I need you to do your duty.  Get on a plane, and light some shit off.  Otherwise, the cowards win.

the worst person alive

Ok, we have an update. Historically, we have featured terrorist sympathizer and unindicted conspirator Robert Novak. Then, he got cancer the day after running someone down in the street and driving off (check the chronology) without even knowing.

Truly, a terrible person. Then, I dropped my fatwa on him for a super evil dude, Rev Fred Phelps. Rev Fred Phelps still remains one of the worst people on earth. No question about that. See, here is the thing about Rev Phelps… no one listens to him. I wish I could say his was harmless. He is not, but the world knows he is a dipshit who should die a horrible death.

These two douchebags are still on the loose.  However, they are no longer the ‘The Worst Person Alive’.  Wanna know who is?  Of course you do, you are still reading.  The ‘Worst Person Alive’ is the Pope.

The worst person alive is the pope.

Yup, I just said that… and now let me tell you why.  The Pope just told everyone in developing nations (code for… not educated… people who listen to the Pope for science).  The Pope is the worst person alive for telling people not to use condoms.  Wait, it gets worse.

He tells them (them being Africa, the hardest hit place on earth by AIDS) that condoms don’t protect against AIDS.  Then, he tells them he forbids condoms.  Yes, condoms are against god’s will.

what    the   fuck is    that    about   ?

I can’t even tell you how angry I am.  Wait, that is exactly what I am doing right now.  The pope is a fucktard.   Yup, I just said that.  Condoms prevent AIDS.  This is a fact.   Even better, they prevent unwanted pregnancy.  In a part of the world plagued by disease and hunger and general unpleasantness of every biological kind… maybe birth control would be the best thing in the world for Africa.

To be fair, this wasn’t his policy.  It has been a pope policy for a while.  Pope John Paul (the one we all liked) re-iterated this before he died… which still upsets me. However, this Benedict character went with all knowledge of condoms and the human disaster that is African AIDS and told them don’t use them.  This is a death sentence for millions.  The real problem here, and the reason why the Pope just jumped ahead of Novak and Phelps, is that people listen to the Pope.  People believe the pope.  People do what the pope tells them to do.

This makes the Pope the worst person alive.

Now, you may ask if I am Catholic.  I was.  I am recovering.  I am, however, a legal and licensed Reverend.  So, I am somewhat qualified to say these things.