Like you, I used to lie in high school. I remember I got caught with cigarettes. Like you, I told my mom they were not mine. I was holding them for someone. I don’t think she believed that for a second. A friend of mine told me he found zig zag rolling papers on his kid last weekend. His kid said he was ‘holdin them for someone’. LIAR.
Anyhow, let’s explore a couple of even less probable examples of the ‘I was just holding it’ defense from this week’s news. First, Paris Hilton. Paris got busted for pot (again) and when searched, they found cocaine in her purse. This is a felony, see. Paris, however, has publically decried it was not here. Nope, she unwittingly borrowed a purse loaded with blow and weed.
You know, we have all made the mistake of grabbing someone else’s purse and not noticing the switch until the police pointed it out. How does that happen? Well, pretty easily when you are coked our of your skull, and high as a kite. So, her own defense w0uld have to be “your honor, I was so fucked up on blow and kind bud I had NO idea I grabbed Lindsay Lohan’s purse.”
This one is even better, and just a few days apart. Yesterday, a woman was caught smuggling a tiger in her luggage. A live tiger. Go ahead and read that sentence again. The xray machines catch these things. Anyhow, you can imagine, they had some questions for the black market tiger smuggler (awesome name for a band, by the way). Namely… what the fuck? Her answer, quite awesomely, was it was not her tiger. No, another passenger had asked her to carry it. How does that conversation go, exactly? Excuse me, would you carry my baby tiger across the border? Um… sure… if you will hold my blow for me. Hilton keeps hoarking it all.