the worst people in the world

Since we have already talked about the worst person in the world (rev Fred Phelps), and the worst father in the world (Joe Simpson, who went on a public tirade about how sweet his daughter’s rack is)… let’s talk about the worst people – as a class.  So, who are the worst people in the world?  Rapists, Arsonists, Republicans?  Close, but no.  Wide Receivers and lead singers.  Let’s concentrate on the latter.

Oasis recently broke up when Noel Gallager left the band.  He couldn’t deal with Liam anymore (the lead singer), and no one can.  It is right that when Noel left, the band died.  Why?  Because Oasis is one person… and it is Noel Ghallager.  Noel started the band, and wrote every song.  It’s his band to do with what he chooses.

So, the lead singer (who caused the breakup) has started a new band.  That makes sense.  He is a rock star.  I wonder what he will sing now that he doesn’t have a songwriter.  See, while a great singer, Liam is a no talent ass clown.  He is a sincerely horrible person.  Allow me to expound.

When Oasis had a big break gig in America, they came to play MTV Unplugged.  Awesome exposure, a dream gig.  30 minutes before the show, Liam decides he can’t sing.  Says his throat hurts.  Well, it is too late to cancel the taping.  The audience is set, the band is ready.  So, Noel takes over vocals.  He isn’t their normal singer, but since he wrote every single song… he can wing it.  Noel is a hero here, and rose to the occasion.   So, where was Liam?  Liam was offstage chain smoking, getting drunk, and heckling Noel.  So, Liam could sing… he just chose not to.  Why?  Because he is a monster of a deuche bag piece of shit.

In 1996, (Noel) Gallagher provided lead vocals at a performance for MTV Unplugged[3] Noel was further angered when Liam proceeded to heckle him from the balcony while the band performed. Just before the band were about to board a plane to the United States for their crucial make-or-break US tour, Liam left the airport, claiming he had to find a house for his then wife Patsy Kensit. He later joined the band for their last few gigs and the infamous MTV Awards performance; the remaining dates were scrapped. The band’s future was tabloid daily news. when Liam backed out minutes before the set was due to start. Liam claimed to have been struck down with a “sore throat”; the band later found out that Liam did not like performing acoustically.

Why do I bring this up, to dump on Liam?  Well, because Liam (who never wrote a song for Oasis, or contributed anything besides canceled gigs) is starting a new band.  Guess what he is going to call it?  Oasis.  Seriously, wrap your head around that one.  So, Liam, cheers to you, mate.  You have somehow made Axl Rose and David Lee Roth seem like decent people… and that sickens me!

So, do I want Liam dead?  No, actually I love his voice and I love Oasis.  I just don’t like him.  If he ever gets this band to America, we should assualt him with tomatoes… especially if he dares do any of his brother Noel’s material.  deal?

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i love wide receivers

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I love wide receivers because they give us things like this to talk about.  If you aren’t a big NFL, you may now know… all wide receivers are assholes.  All of them?  Yes, all of them.  I was going to annotate this piece with a bunch of the higher profile stories.  However, there is genuinely too many to even choose from.

Ok, here is two from this year.  The Cincinnati Bengals have a wide receiver who was really good a couple of years ago.  Best in the business.  His name is Chad Johnson, but the media called him ‘Ocho Cinco’ after his jersey number (that’s 85, racists).  So, this summer he went and changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco.  Yeah, that’s his name now, for reals.  The NFL wouldn’t get him change his name on the roster without warning, though.  So, they are calling him Chad Johnson this year.  Plus, he is TERRIBLE, and his team has a losing record.  Likely, he will be traded after this year.

What awesome about that?  Every football team already had a #85 on their team.  It is a common number for wide receivers.  They all use the numbers 80 through 89.

That isn’t our best story, though.  Oh no, our best story comes Plaxico Burress.  Plaxico has been in the news a lot.  He is labeled as a ‘troubled receiver’ because he doesn’t come to practice with his team.  Nope, too good for that.  Also, he doesn’t even call to explain why he isn’t coming to practice.  Just a no call no show, more than once.   So, the Giants, very wisely, suspended him for being an asshole.

Then, we find out this weekend he was in involved in a shooting at a club.  Initially, we were worried.   Then, big surprise… we find Burress might not be an innocent victim here.  This next sentence is so bizarre, and so perfectly describes a wide receiver in today’s NFL… I have to take it verbatim from CNN.

NEW YORK (CNN) — New York Giants star receiver Plaxico Burress was charged Monday with criminal possession of the weapon he shot himself in the leg with last week.

Ladies and gentleman, I rest my case.