*** Update Nov 2018 Summer 2019, at the bottom
Hey kids,
Tired of sitting around getting fatter, doing nothing? Do your parents make you do stupid chores? Man, chores are the worst… aren’t they? Who has time for that stuff? Not you, you are busy eating cheesy poofs and proving why Americans are #1 at fat!
Guess what? Chores are now cool, thanks to the first in a series of Wii Chores. It’s the Wii Yard Work®. Learn how to do this stuff, without getting off the couch. That’s right, a full day of Saturday chores without getting out of bed. Learn how virtually:
- Pig up dog shit
- Mow the lawn
- Ruin mom’s prized rose bush with the mower
- Get sunburned
- Pick up garbage
- Weed the garden
- Listen to that goddamn neighbor’s dog bark all goddamn day. Jesus, don’t they ever let that thing in?
- Run that janky weedeater, that is likely to tear off someone’s toe eventually
- Jesus Christ on a Crucifix, would it kill the kids to bring me a goddamn lemonade? They have been on the couch all day doing dick all.
- If someone doesn’t pick up this bike from the front yard, for the thousandth time, I am going to throw it in the garbage already. I don’t even know why I buy you kids anything when you treat it like this.
Yup, being a grown up sure is rad! This is your chance to play homeowner.
*** update Nov 2018. Man, how prescient I was. Take a look at these ‘toys’ – I wrote this piece above almost ten years ago.
*** Update Summer 2019. I am not as clever as I thought. Simpsons did this years before. That isn’t where i got it from. I swear I made it up myself. For reals. But, I must give credit. Enjoy! This is from 1998, and is basically the EXACT premise I made. Mine was 2009. If they don’t sue me, I won’t sue them! Lastly, because I do owe all attribution, this screencap was stolen from the great folks at Cracked.com
I am Correct 