Friday Fives – wilderness edition

The world around us:

1.  What is the “wildest” wilderness you have ever been to?

Costa Rica – every day at dusk thousands of crabs would migrate from the mountains to the beach.  These were not small crabs, either.  It was cool, and largely creepy

2.  Would you be considered an outdoorsman/woman?

Not really.  I certainly was when I was younger.  I admit it, though.  I have grown soft as I have gotten older.  I do dig camping, though.  We go several times a year.  Always by the campfire with an acoustic guitar and a beer.  Life gets no better than that.  As for creature comforts go, I shall quote my good friend Kris.  “if the outdoors are so great, why did they invent the indoors?”  That is some infallible logic.

3.  Not counting domestic pets, what is your favorite animal?

Bears.  I have been pretty obsessed with bears for a long time now.  Somehow, I imagine they are this cuddly best friend.  I have seen a bear in the wild, too.  Twice.  it was awesome, and a little scary the first time.  He chased us, but we were in a car.

I seem to feel that if I had a pet bear we would be friends for life and he would know not to eat me and we would have a communication and a friendship.  Also, he would attack my enemies.  However, that didn’t quite work for Timothy Treadwell, now did it?

4. What is the best part of nature?

I addressed this above already.  Are you even paying attention?

5. If you could pick any place on Earth for a visit, where would it be?

one great adventure I have not had yet is the bio-luminescent bays in Puerto Rico

tangent alarm >

* can we talk about something here?  I need to talk about Chris Brown again.  I wrote about him a few weeks ago, calling him the worst person alive.  He is, but maybe not for what everyone thinks.  That he beat his girlfriend isn’t really my business.  That he has not seemed even a TINY bit contrite or regretful also isn’t my business.  Nope.  It’s the fucking tattoo.  After he nearly killed her, and after he went to court and was found guilty, and after he pretended to be contrite, and after he took a year of anger management classes… he got a tattoo on his neck of his beaten girlfriend.  This, and this alone, makes him the worst person alive.

One would imagine a truly remorseful person would consider the day he tried to kill his girlfriend as a low point in life.  Not Brown.  He celebrated it by getting a permanent tattoo of her beaten face on his neck.  it isn’t just a beaten woman’s face.  Look at the eyes on the tattoo.  That is Rihanna.

Wanna hear something sicker?  They are back together. How can she look at her beaten face tattooed on his neck (where it can never be concealed) and think “that’s my man”?

the worst person alive

Ok, we have an update. Historically, we have featured terrorist sympathizer and unindicted conspirator Robert Novak. Then, he got cancer the day after running someone down in the street and driving off (check the chronology) without even knowing.

Truly, a terrible person. Then, I dropped my fatwa on him for a super evil dude, Rev Fred Phelps. Rev Fred Phelps still remains one of the worst people on earth. No question about that. See, here is the thing about Rev Phelps… no one listens to him. I wish I could say his was harmless. He is not, but the world knows he is a dipshit who should die a horrible death.

These two douchebags are still on the loose.  However, they are no longer the ‘The Worst Person Alive’.  Wanna know who is?  Of course you do, you are still reading.  The ‘Worst Person Alive’ is the Pope.

The worst person alive is the pope.

Yup, I just said that… and now let me tell you why.  The Pope just told everyone in developing nations (code for… not educated… people who listen to the Pope for science).  The Pope is the worst person alive for telling people not to use condoms.  Wait, it gets worse.

He tells them (them being Africa, the hardest hit place on earth by AIDS) that condoms don’t protect against AIDS.  Then, he tells them he forbids condoms.  Yes, condoms are against god’s will.

what    the   fuck is    that    about   ?

I can’t even tell you how angry I am.  Wait, that is exactly what I am doing right now.  The pope is a fucktard.   Yup, I just said that.  Condoms prevent AIDS.  This is a fact.   Even better, they prevent unwanted pregnancy.  In a part of the world plagued by disease and hunger and general unpleasantness of every biological kind… maybe birth control would be the best thing in the world for Africa.

To be fair, this wasn’t his policy.  It has been a pope policy for a while.  Pope John Paul (the one we all liked) re-iterated this before he died… which still upsets me. However, this Benedict character went with all knowledge of condoms and the human disaster that is African AIDS and told them don’t use them.  This is a death sentence for millions.  The real problem here, and the reason why the Pope just jumped ahead of Novak and Phelps, is that people listen to the Pope.  People believe the pope.  People do what the pope tells them to do.

This makes the Pope the worst person alive.

Now, you may ask if I am Catholic.  I was.  I am recovering.  I am, however, a legal and licensed Reverend.  So, I am somewhat qualified to say these things.