Be Warm Summer Mandala 8x10 Matted Print Sun Orange | Etsy

What’s the most tech illiterate thing you have seen someone do?

My dad, working a camera.  Not a digital camera or a cell phone, mind you… but a camera camera.  Point and shoot.  At the wedding of my wifey and I, we were doing family pictures ***** important side note at the bottom about this *****.

So we were all lined up in a thousand configurations looking our best.  Someone notices my father has his finger over the lens.  This was an old school 35mm camera (15 years ago, mind you… so there was no little tv screen on the back).  We slowly let each other in on it before letting him know.  We laughed out asses off!  I asked everyone NOT to let him know, and here is why.  The laughter was so contagious and infectious that I knew it would make amazing photos and memories.  I’d add one here, but I have no idea where they are.  They are on a photo disc somewhere, or a flash drive.  Man, remember how exciting flash drives were?  I must have them of them across the house, and no idea what is on them.  Can’t even remember last time I used a flash drive.

What places would you never travel to because they are too dangerous?

Prolly the Philippines.  It’s not terrorism, mind you, its their govt.  this guy just fucking executes people.  He has a BIG thing about drugs.  Anyone who deals drugs, or takes drugs, or knows someone who ever did drugs… they will execute you.  For reals, y’all.  Just this year he and his thugs have killed 6,000 people.  Corona Virus ain’t got nothing on this guy.

More than 7,000 killed in the Philippines in six months, as president encourages murder

Read that last part again.  President encourages murder.  That isn’t just fucked up, its what our president said TODAY.  The comment awesomely got banned from Twitter for inciting violence.  He said ‘when the looting starts, the shooting starts’.

What’s the best pet name you have heard up – 

Jote (pronounced hoe-tee).  Actually, I don’t even know how its spelled, just how it sounds.  See, it’s a donkey.  Donkey Jote.   Get it?   Aw geese… here.

What’s the craziest conspiracy theory you have heard?

Of them all, I’d have to go with flat earthers.  I had an employee was who a flat earther.  I am not sure if this is what they all believe, but she explained to me her understanding… and it was delicious.  She said there is a globe over us (a la the Simpson’s movie) and above that is water.  What happens if you go to the edge of the Earth, I asked?  The govt will shoot you.  Which govt, I asked?  “all of them”.

What is your favorite time of day to drink coffee?

All day.  Any time up until about 6 pm.  And I drink a LOT.  Right now, both wifey and I are working from home (corona virus and such) we drink about 5 pots of coffee a day.  She is normal, and stops drinking coffee around noon…  just like you pussies!

 

*** about wedding photos.  I am a revered, for real.  I mean, my divinities (2 of them) are from the internet, but are legally recognized.  I have facilitated about 20 weddings, all over the country, and even an international one.  Let me tell you when to do photos… BEFORE the wedding.  Here is why.   SO many reasons I just get angry thinking about this stupid tradition.  You are never going to see a lot of these people ever again.  They have traveled from afar to see you.  Despite your best intentions, a quarter of these people you won’t see again… unless it’s a funeral.  You have VERY limited time with these precious relatives and loved ones.  They are here, for YOU.  And you are out in the front yard taking pictures for 2 hours?   NO NO NO.

Do it before the wedding ceremony.  Then, once you say “I do” you can mix and mingle and spend time with your loved ones and mingle and drink.  I recommend this to every couple I marry, and everyone who has done it has been super appreciative of the idea.

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