Travel Thaiaries – what’s the food really like?

This piece is one of about ten so far on our trip to Southeast Asia, please start here.

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When I talk to people about traveling to Thailand (or anywhere), they inevitably ask ‘what is the food really like’.  I have those same questions.  I think the food aspect is the best part of traveling.  You may also know that other regions’ foods are generally not like what we eat here under that banner.  Meaning – you won’t find chimichangas in Mexico.  You won’t find much pizza, or good pizza, in Rome.  ‘Pizza’ in Rome is basically naan with some olive oil and maybe a sliced tomato.  Actually, naan is far superior. You won’t find sesame chicken in China, either.

But what about the greatest dish of all time, Paella?  Yes, that is everywhere in Spain, and it will make you a better person.  What about the second best world dish, Pad Thai?  Does that actually exist in Thailand?  Yes.  Yes it does.  But, do they make it weird there, like with hairy oxen anus parts?  No.  That is why Spain doesn’t get credit for eating like we think they do… because we don’t get Paella here, sadly.

That is the best thing about Thai food.   It is what you expect, and want, and it’s great!

Unlike perhaps anywhere else I have been in the world (both Northern… and central Arizona)… Thai food in Thailand is the most similar to what you get here.  It isn’t just super good, it is what you expect.  Also, quite wonderfully, pad thai is street food.  You can get it from a lady in a hot dog cart on the side of the road, and its good.  And it tastes like you think it should taste.  It looks like you think it would look.  And it’s a buck!

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If your response to that last sentence is “I am never going across the earth to eat street food from a cart”, then stop reading now.  Then, stop traveling… now.

Wherever you go on earth, eat the street food.  It is good, cheap, and it is what the local people eat.

Thai food is awesome, and it’s what you would expect.  Even though I consider myself adventurous… that was a nice thing for me.  If you break into people’s homes in Thailand, to see what they are really eating… it is Pad Thai, it’s basil pork fried rice, Massaman Curry, and the like.  They will ask you to leave, eventually.

I take pains to point this out because how a family eats in Mexico looks nothing like what you have ever had at a Mexican restaurant. It’s great, and maybe better.  Italian food was far better than we expected, but much simpler and tastier than what we have here.  Yes, everything has noodles, but I don’t think we had a single tomato based red ‘spaghetti’ sauce once.

If you go to China, though, and break into people’s home… they are not eating Sesame Chicken.  They are probably eating hairy yack anus.  I know what you are thinking; isn’t it incredibly dangerous and rude to break into people’s homes to get an ethnographic feel on food habits?  No.  Remember, no one else carries guns around the world.

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So go and eat the street food wherever you go.  Go and eat what the locals eat.  We were in Cambodia, and asked our driver to take us to where he eats.  For the first three days, he kept taking us to places where he figured we would want to eat.  He (the guide) and our driver would just sit in the shade.  Our meals were like $12 each.  We knew that wasn’t how locals ate.  That is a month’s wage in Cambodia.  We finally got him to take us to where he eats, only if we promised not to tell ANYONE.

Cambodia (neighbor of Thailand, and most famous for having Angkor Watt) is super duper poor, as they just got out of a 40 year civil war that killed everyone.  These wonderful and sweet and resilient people live on something like 50 cents a day.  So, what’s for lunch?  I don’t know what it was, but I can’t rule out the fact that it was hairy yack anus.  Whatever it was had been an animal at some time, as evidenced by the hair on the bones in the soup.

*** postscript – you will note once you leave the US that most countries don’t refrigerate much.  Outside of North America and and wealthier European countries… people don’t use fridges at all.  Even when I stayed with families or places that had perfectly good electricity… you don’t see fridges.  You will go to markets and be outside in the blazing hot sun and all manner of meats and flies are there for you to choose from.  Around the world they don’t need fridges.  They buy enough food for a day or two, and simply eat what’s in season and available.

Stop being such a pussy and just try the crickets once.  Only once, though.  That shit is gross!

That’s why they call them ‘ruins’

There is a reason why they call them ‘ruins’

This is one of about a ten part series called ‘The Travel Thai-aries®‘.  I am about two years into this project, and still getting fresh ideas and memories.  Before reading below, please start here.  It is a brief pre-requisite read that will assist you and I greatly.

When you get to Cambodia, or any ancient site, you get to see this. It is pretty goddamn great.

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photo credit – me – Nov 2014

Then, you read it was discovered SO long ago. How amazing must that moment have been? You are just some French explorer (the French factor in heroically, in Cambodian history) wandering through the bush. Then… you stumble onto that in the jungle. I kept thinking what a transcendent moment it must have been for those first explorers when they stumbled upon these amazing ancient cities.

It’s romantic, isn’t it?  Guess what; they didn’t see anything like that above.  Analogy time (I can’t help myself).  Ed note:  really, he can’t.  It’s quite a bother for all of us.

for reference – here is the iconic ‘Furthur‘ bus in it’s heydey – 1965

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Here is that same bus after it sat in the woods on Kesey’s property for 30 years.  Some would say this bus started the LSD revolution of the mid 60s.

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Angkor Wat was that times 20 (600 years untouched in the jungle).  What does the famous hippy bus have to do with anything?  That destruction is simply what nature did to a man made structure in 30 years.  Here is why nothing survived after 600 years to be more than about 50 feet tall… look at these roots.  My god, they look like props in a horror movie.

 

Anyhow… just think what the people of it’s time saw. People smarter than us have done that work, and we have an idea that it looked like this.  If you are cruising Siem Riep in 1200 AD… you get this (below).

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Angkor Wat wasn’t discovered by the outside world until 1860 (US Civil War era).  The nice folks who found Angkor Wat didn’t find that above.  They found this, below.

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Actually, this has been partially reconstructed.  Point being, what they found in 1860 was mostly a bunch of rocks.  Through the magic of MS Paint, I chopped the top.  This is what they likely found.  No structures, just rocks.

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Still pretty cool, mind you… but nothing like the sites we get to see today. All of these sites were in rubble. Weather, the jungle, time, and raiders destroy everything… quickly. I am sure it was still a great moment to stumble across this stuff in the jungle, but nothing that made you say ‘this is the most significant place and find in history.’  See, nothing in front of you is higher than the tree line.  Sure, it was 1,000 years ago.  Now, it is just rocks in the jungle.  That is why no one finds this stuff for ages.  Even in a plane, you would miss probably 90% of this stuff before it was restored.

Most of these sites have to be put back together. It is VERY expensive, and VERY time consuming. To put these things into the shape we get to see them (and by extension we assume the shape they were in during their heyday) they have to:

  • Identify every single piece that goes to the thing.
  • Dig it up. It is something that was made?  Or… just a rock?
  • Number it
  • figure out exactly where that went
  • how it went… exactly. Imagine putting a puzzle together where every single piece is grey.  Oh, and was out in the yard for 600 years.

Do you see a vision of transcendence? I did, too. It’s pretty great for us.

Think of putting together this puzzle, but it isn’t square. It’s 3D… in the shape of a castle, we think.  But, every piece is colored identically and someone threw away the box.  I mean… maybe this was a great castle.  Or… maybe this was a giant 12 story human foot.

 

The point of this story is that this is still very much a living work in progress.  The Ankgor Wat you go see in 5 years will be a prettier and better reconstructed one than we saw.  It is like the Sagrada Familia.  It has been being built for over a 100 years… and will still be under construction in our lifetime.  This is significant.  Most iconic world heritage sites are not changing.  Stonehenge and the Roman Colosseum look exactly the same today as when your grandparents saw it.  They will look exactly the same when your grandchildren go see it.  In 5,000 years, if there is still people, those two sites will mostly look the same.

Where do you get the millions needed to rebuild these?  France has been basically carrying Cambodia and their heritage sites for a couple of hundred years. When the Khmer Rouge came in and started destroying absolutely everything and everyone… the French smuggled out super valuable stuff to hold it safely. Then, they gave it all back… unlike England.  There are a bunch of charities now helping under the banner of the ‘World Heritage Sites‘, which is run by a wonderful multi-country initiative called ‘Unesco‘.  They are kinda single handedly holding the Earth’s most precious human creations together through awareness and fundraising.

*** tangent

 Wanna see the world?  Don’t have the time to travel around the world? Go to an English museum.  They used to run the world, and they have all the coolest shit.  Unlike France, England has kept all their cool stuff.  We got to see, and even touch, the actual motherfucking Rosetta Stone.  It unlocked ancient languages in a single swoop.  It could be the single most important human artifact on all of Earth.

I tell you this because there is a super duper cool aspect of this ‘in progress’. Go to Cambodia now, do it. They are wonderful, and need the money. The Cambodia you go to tomorrow will be different from the one your parents went to. Well, not your parents… but your friends’ more interesting parents. Your parents didn’t get to travel the world, because they had to raise your dumb ass. Instead of that trip to Rome for your mom and dad, you got braces. Best appreciate them.

Cambodia keeps getting better. Mind you, they have only been open to the world for about a decade or so. They are not ‘free’, either. Not in the sense you and I think of. They can’t leave Cambodia.  You could move to Cambodia, though, I guess.  This guy pretty much says “I dare ya“.

*** tangent too

Speaking of the French, America needs to stop talking shit about them. From what I learned, and this is anecdotal after a week in the country – France has carried Cambodia. They protected Cambodia, the bankrolled Cambodia, and they hid all of Cambodia’s cool shit when the Khmer came a killin. Remember, they bankrolled the US fight for independence against England.  Without France, you have no United States.  Without France, Cambodia would still be civil-warring itself into oblivion.

 

How I read an Amazon review

*** This is a very unusual event for me, a cross-post to my other site. this is my main site, I am Correct.com, and the other site which is just my music writing. I have been doing both for about 15 years, and have only done about 5 cross posts.

 

If you aren’t using amazon for everything, you likely will soon. I have a serious tip for reading the reviews. In short, only read the 2 through 4 stars. Never read the 1 or 5 stars. I’ll go on to explain why, but if you want to stop now… that was what you needed to know.

Here is the why: 5 star reviews seem too much like propaganda. They don’t offer value. I think they come from 2 types of folks

1) A planted review. I was looking at vacuums and a 5 star reviewer said something like

‘it’s 30 watt engine putting out a potent 8 ohm potentiometers. I found the integrated oscilloscope was a big help’.

These are things no consumer would know, or care about. Obviously, I threw some other words in there for comedic effect. But, the review just had tons of shit that only a manufactured would know, or care about

2) Fanboys. I buy a lot of music on Amazon. Let’s look at Rush (because I was). I wanted to know about a dvd/cd combo set. Lots of the 5 star folks were like “Rush Fucking Rules”. That was it.

Listen kid, that is no help. We all know Rush rules, that is why I am here. That tells me nothing about this specific product.

1 star reviews

Haters. Almost all of the 1 star reviews were things like ‘Rush Sucks’. That is fine if you hate Rush. But… why oh why would you take the time to go to this page and then this product and then log in and leave a review? I am a music snob, so there is a LOT of music I think sucks. But, my life is too short to log in and put reviews in for any album I deem sub-par.

So what to read on a product that has 300 reviews? I like the 2s and 3s. Threes are often just right. They generally like the product, but usually have a specific beef which is always helpful. Like; vacuum worked great, but furniture/chair attachment piece was cheaply made of brittle plastic. Already had 2 break on me, but company was good enough to replace’. There is a lot of gold in that content. Not just that the attachment piece is shitty (most are, sadly. So much so that we never use these. It’s not a deal breaker for me. What I am excited about in this review is their impressive warranty policy. That is super important to me when buying online.

Mostly, I just come home to this, anyway.

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Now, for the 3 star music review on the Rush product (it was the R40 package) the three star reviews had things like ‘packaging was great, by Rhino. Audio mix was more muddled on CDs than blu ray dvd’. This was helpful. About the Rhino comment; Rhino is AMAZING. They specialize in re-issuing older collections, or freshly issuing older content (remasters, box sets,  concerts, and the like). They handle a ton of stuff for the Grateful Dead, and every single time it is beautiful. You get a thoughtful and well written booklet, a ton of great pics, cool-ass picture CDs, and a jewel box that is collectible worthy. It’s always a paper stock instead of plastic. I credit Pearl Jam with singlehandedly changing that aspect of CD packaging.

tangent***

The comment about the muddled audio, I believe it. Same thing happened with my Grateful Dead ‘Fare Thee Well’ DVD/CD combo set. The Blu is just beautiful, and the sound is amazing. I have a really nice hifi and really nice TV, so I can take full advantage of the perfect sound mix. The mix on the CD, though, is… muddled. Nothing is terribly clear. I have a theory why. At the show (and I was there, so I am qualified to discuss) you have 7 dudes playing their dicks off. NO ONE is working in the background in the Grateful Dead, musically. Not just 7 guys playing their dicks off, a bunch of them are singing, too. Plus, Mickey Hart probably has no less than 20 mics on his drums. A CD just doesn’t have the bandwidth to push that much musically complexity. I am not sure if any format, other than bluray can handle that much going on.  Or, maybe it was my hi-fi that did all the heavy lifting.  Lastly, a 3 star guy likes the setlist on a concert, but doesn’t love it.

*** In case this looks like I am promoting any product or web service… you over-estimate my  influence and readership.

Friday Fives – bear fight edition

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What is the stupidest thing you did as a kid to try and look cooler?

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What is your opinion on swearing?

Un fucking necessary.  You have a vocabulary, use it.  Profanity is for small minds.  You know who doesn’t need to swear?  Bears.

What’s something you’ve been searching for years but had no luck in finding it?

Why poor people think that Republicans are fighting for them.  Seriously.  Wait, I overthought that.  It’s not an issue about what the GOP can do for them, it’s the whole gun thing.  You will never find a Democrat on a dirt road in America.  Well, besides me.  EVERY one on a dirt road in America is a Republican.  It is all for only 1 reason > guns.  Sorry, let’s focus.  What does this have to do with bears?

You’re now a serial killer. What’s your weapon of choice, and what will you be known for?

For quite some time now, I have had a bear for a bodyguard.  He is fucking nuts, and it was a terrible idea.  I know that now.  So bad an idea that I now have to have a bear bodyguard to protect me from my bear.  I have reason to believe the bears are colluding against me.  I can’t fire them, either.  One of them is a black bear, and he is now a protected class.  Plus, I am pretty sure he is gay.  Also protected class.  Every try a fire a bear with double protected class status?  Oh, and he’s union… so I have to give him a raise every year.  He calls me ‘Timothy Treadwell’, and I have no idea what that means.

Point being, anyone out there know a bear hit man?  I can explain more in person.   It has now become a union thing.  Whatever you do, don’t mention the missing eye.  It’s a real ‘hot button’ issue that I may or may not be on a write up for.

Add ‘ING’ to the end of a movie title, what’s it about now?

Spinal Tapping.  It’s a 30 minute sit com about 3 Ne’er-do-well roomates who are all medical interns.  From Boston, they are ‘Southies’, and are all reassigned to work a clinic in Miami.  Here is the twist:  they were all on probation.  As the tough by still tough head doctor messed with their paperwork.  See, he hates the director of the Miami hospital more than he hates these shithead interns.  Why?  We reveal that in season 3.  Now…  they have a clean record, and were all marked as developmentally disabled, but still somehow super capable, spinal surgeons.  Can they make it work?  Can they make it work, together?  Find out this Fall!  It’s hijinks, it’s heart, and it’s a lot of lazy writers executing on tired tropes. Spinal Tappers, Thursdays at 9 pm.***

“people are bastard coated bastards with nothing but bastard filling inside” – Perry Cox

*** I got a 3 season guarantee and EP status.  This show, which hasn’t filmed an episode, is already negotiating syndication rights.  How?  We got Chuck Lorre.  Dude made Big Bang and 2 and a half men.  He could turn his bowel movements into a 3 camera sitcom and sweet the emmies.

Friday Fives – walter white vs tony soprano edition

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What movie actually makes you laugh all the way through?

Spinal Tap.  Not just because it is groundbreakingly stupid and funny… and not just because it has become the default reference for ALL musicians… but because that entire movie was improvised on site in real time.  All those iconic lines are just BS the actors came up with.  Even better?  They guys all did press for the movie only in character.

Better than that?  They wrote those songs, and they are great songs!  They also play their own instruments, and did on the recordings.  Ergo…  even as a fake band they are more capable than most pop stars?  Think Rhianna has EVER wrote a song, or played an instrument?  No.  She has producers for that.  Think Katy Perry writes those great iconic songs?  Nope.  Linda Perry does that (the 4 non blonde lady).

They are so capable, in fact, that they have toured.  I got to see them (Chris Guest, Michael McKean, & Harry Shearer) live.  3 guys, doing all original songs (from 2 movies, mind you) and they were awesome.

What is your favorite movie scene? 

That is an odd question.  Probably the climbing rope scene in Princess Bride, the ‘Cliffs of Insanity’.  Not just because of all the ‘inconceivable’ nonsense… but the greatest dialogue in history (also likely improvised) “you seem like a nice man, I hate to kill you.”  “YOU seem like a nice man, I hate to die.”  There is prolly 8 brilliant laugh out loud moments packed in to about 8 minutes.

Oh… wait.  The whole ‘iocaine powder’ scene where Vissini (Wallace Shawn) made his entire career.  You can bet that 30 years later every single day of his life people come up to him and quote him lines from that stand off scene with the Iocaine Powder (odorless, colorless, and dissolves instantly in liquid, in case you forgot).

What will be movie classics in 20 years time? 

I think it is tough to tell.  Anyone who tells you something different is selling something.

What do you believe is the best acted TV role?

I gotta go with Tony Soprano.  Here is why – we know empirically that Bryan Cranston did perhaps the best acting work in history as Walter White.  BUT… you see him acting. It’s incredible to watch the craft.  James Gandolfini, though, just was Tony Soprano.  You didn’t see him acting, but he was.  Dude was not remotely a tough guy.  He was actually a super over sensitive artistic type.  In real life, he was a million miles from Tony Soprano.  If Gandolfini faced anything Soprano did in real life… he would say something like “gee, guys.  That seems kinda harsh.

Are you one of those types that can quote movie lines? What’s your favorite quote?

Sadly too many to mention.  I can watch Spinal Tap, Fish Called Wanda, & Princess Bride with the sound off and provide ALL the dialogue.

Friday Fives – holy holey edition

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Do you believe in reincarnation? 

No.  sadly I do not believe anything happens after death. It’s a bummer, really.  I WISH I believed there was a magical land where I would live forever and see my family and all my dead dogs and cats.  Also, I refer to myself as an ‘aspiring Buddhist’, which is 100% true.  The Buddhist belief is that you will continue to be reborn until, basically, you get it right.  The endless cycle of rebirth is called ‘Samsara’, and the freedom from that burden is what ‘Nirvana’ is. ***

Buddhism was largely born out of Hinduism, as the Buddha himself was born Hindu.  They have a similar belief in re-incarnation… but it’s not as hopeful.  They believe in the caste system.  This means if you are born a chimney sweep, then that is the class you will always be in this life.  In addition, you are excepted to NOT try and rise above your station.  You is what you is.  In Hinduism (and this is a very loose interpretation, mind you)… by being the best lowly chimney sweep you can be in this life (and nothing more, mind you) … then in your next life maybe you will get to be in charge of the chimney sweeps.

What interests me in the caste system (of Hinduism) is that the highest class isn’t kings or queens.  It is the Brahmin class/caste.  This is what the Buddha was born into.  This group exists SOLELY to pass along the sacred texts of Hinduism by memory and word.  Think of it as their bible, but MUCH longer.  If you are a Brahmin, you memorize verbatim these massive sacred texts so that you can pass them on to the next generation.  This was obviously designed for a time before books and the printing press.

Interestingly, scholars have traveled across India and found villages that were thousands of miles apart… and completely isolated for generations… and yet their re-telling of the sacred texts to be perfectly word for word the same.  How much to remember, and teach?  Think a full set of Encyclopedia Britannica’s.  I mention India because I believe this is specific to India as India is almost entirely Hindu.  Whereas their neighbor, Pakistan, is almost exclusively Islam.  What is nice about Hinduism is it acknowledges other philosophies.  The Dalai Lama, for example, lives in India.  He has always had a terrific and warm relationship with the Hindu leadership.  Islam, as you likely now know, is not nearly as tolerant.

Pretty good for just knowing all that off the top of my head, don’t ya think?  This stuff fascinates me.  However, the independent mythologies of most of them I regard as nonsense.  I hold the origins of Islam, Scientology, Hinduism, Catholicism, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster to all be about as valid as the other.  To me, all the origin stories are mostly nonsense to explain things to people before we had science.  Rahmen!

Have you ever felt that you knew someone the first time you met them? 

No.  BUT, I have a kinda cool story about that.  Just last month I got to attend a teaching by his holiness, the Dalai Lama.  He VERY much believes in reincarnation.  He is, after all, the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet.  At the teaching, there was about 3 to 5,000 people.  During his speech, he stood up and pointed to a guy in the audience.  He said he knew him from past lives, and for that guy to please come backstage for a chat after the teaching.   How incredible must that have been for the guy?  He just looked like a middle aged non descript white guy.  Or, as they put it in ‘the Jerk’ “just another random milk eating bastard”.  We can only hope the Lama advised him to stay away from those oil cans.

Have you ever visited a foreign country or city for the first time and found that you knew exactly where things were? 

No.  I get those déjà vu feelings, like all of us.  However, from what little I understand, it is just random synapses firing off and giving you a false read.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and ‘seen’ a different face? 

Kinda, but it involved LSD.  I ain’t saying any more than that.

Is the belief in UFOs, aliens, physic powers, etc, growing because the belief in religion is dying?

No.  I don’t think there is necessarily any more or less interest than there always was.  As for ghosts, I neither believe… nor not believe.  I am open to either one being very real.  Here is something you didn’t know about UFOs, though, I bet; you know that all Muslims prey 4 or 5 times a day facing Mecca.  They are all expected to make a pilgrimage to Mecca at least once in their life.  What is Mecca?  It’s a place… a big stadium with a sacred building on the inside that you and I will never get to go in.

There is something in that building they are praying to.  It is a large and heavy black stone.  Scientists are pretty sure it is a meteorite.  Think about it, it makes sense.  A large and heavy and fiery big ass stone came shooting through the atmosphere from outer space.  How else could you explain that other than ‘god must have done that?’  Christians have the cross that they worship as the icon of their deity, and Muslims have the black rock.  Interesting, huh?

At this point in the narrative, if you are still with me, you should be asking ‘well then what do you believe in?’  Kindness and public service****.  Though I am a pretty militant atheist, I am pretty fascinated by the first (or old) testament of Christianity.  Most of those events happened, and science has proven them or found them.  Example – did Moses part the Red sea?  No, that is nonsense.  However, at the time that was believed to have happened, there was a big ass volcano nearby.  They know it would have dried up and temporary retracted the Red Sea.  To someone approaching, especially in a pre-science era, it would appear as if God magically opened up the sea.

What is the difference?  To me, it is a BIG difference.  Like, when I look at Mormonism… that shit to me just looks 100% made up out whole cloth.  Just… make believe (like Scientology).  Whereas… it appears much or maybe even all of what shows up in the first testament really did happen… it was just mis-understood and mis-explained.  What it wasn’t, though, is bullshit.  That is why I like the first testament, and why I respect Judaism so much.

*** bonus footnote.  As I mentioned, this is ALL from memory, the terms… etc.  After I wrote this up, because I want to be thorough (and correct) , I google my references.  I was dead on.  I was am Correct!

**** Kindness & public service – I keep two quotes pinned up to my desk that are right in my siteline at all times.  “service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on Earth” – Muhammed Ali

and this one – “A bare minimum of one kind act a day should be our self imposed cover charge for living in this world” – Wendy McElroy

Friday Fives – almost Lonopalooza edition

Lonopalooza 2016

 

Have you found anything at your parent’s house that has disturbed you?

Yes… but – I am not going to tell you, for a myriad of reasons.  Mostly, because they are still alive.  And… my denial gave me a chance to use the word ‘myriad’.

What should every teenager know before they hit their 20s?

Know what?  I just wrote a VERY long and thoughtful answer to this question.  Frankly, it was too long.  I did something with my computer, and it disappeared.  Thought I saved it.  Thought my computer auto saved it.  Neither happened.  My laptop is a Toshiba, and it is an asshole.  Do not buy one.  I had a Toshiba as my work laptop for years, and I LOVED it.  I am beginning to think it was really the late great Jeannette who kept it alive.  I miss you, Jeanette.  I hope you are safe and happy wherever you are.  I hope it wasn’t our stupid questions that killed you, but you are wonderful.  You deserved to live forever.

As to the answer of the question, I am not going to re-iterate it.  My answer was too wordy, and not terribly insightful.  INSTEAD –  All I will do is end this question with a really good joke.

Girl – I am breaking up with you!

Guy – but why, my dear?

Girl – I suspect you may be a pedophile!

Guy – Pedophile?  That is a pretty big word for a 10 year old

Oh stop acting so upset. It’s funny.

What is something a 40 year old should have already learned?

I wanted to say ‘how to drive a stick shift’, but they don’t really make those anymore.  I am 44, so how about if I say this.  How to give your gal an orgasm at LEAST every time you have one for yourself.  Am I on this list?  Well… let’s just say that is between me and my wife and the judge and the probation officer.  Oh, and Becky with the good hair.  Now… do I count myself in that club?  Well, let’s remember I did ust clal myself the exception… as well as exceptional.  That being said, I kinda side with Frank on this one.

What’s the most stereotypical thing about you?

Another big word.  I had only memorized ‘myriad’ for this presentation.  I mean, i don’t really have dials or read outs like one does.  Wait… I do go up and down in moods and strength, like the squiggly line does.  We are talking one of these things, right?

What is a job most people would be surprised exists?

This job.  Wait, let’s just stop and appreciate this scene.  Oh, and nsfw dialogue.

 

Ok, I know that wasn’t much.  I am tired and going to bed.  I love you!  See you at the party, right?  Sweet!