What is your full name?
This is the first, only, and last time I will tell you. In TWENTY years I have never once revealed this. I don’t think. For a while, i was kinda hiding out from the mouth breathers of New Orleans who threatened to kick my ass over this piece. Then, I realize that I doubt Cleetus and Doug are going to take a road trip to ____
“because he made fun of us on his humorous social observation website”. Plus.. really? Best case scenario is that happens. “Local hero attacked for daring and heroically hilarious assessment of racism and systemic stupidity of mouthbreathers who crawled out of the swamp to stifle humor and grace”
and I can make that joke with 100% certainty… ‘crawled out of the swamp’. How? Because these dumb motherfuckers built a city UNDERNEATH the ocean. and for protection? Well… on the other side of the city is a lake THAT ALSO SITS HIGHER THAN THE CITY. My god what is wrong with you people? From that piece I mentioned above, I did this little quick drawing MS Paint. I am pretty proud of this little drawing, seriously. Find me a better drawing that so quickly explains the altitude problems of New Oreans… AND… throws in a racist touch just for fun?
sorry, lost focus. You wanted my name? Here it is for the first and last time.
Kevin Patrick Lang
If you could, would you change part of your name? To what?
I didn’t like my first name growing up. ‘kevin’ was boring. Wanted something cool… like JT or… “Nick”. Wait, doesn’t John Cusack do a whole rant about the name ‘Nick’? I swear he does. Stand by
Found it. it’s brilliant, and better than I remember. It’s also freaky how young Cusack is here. Looks about 12. Still, this is gold.
Favorite girl’s name?
Alice. You knew that. Did you know Alice of Alice in Wonderland was a real person? In case you’re new. As I haven’t referenced Alice in Wonderland in like 3 weeks. Here is young Alice Liddell, circa the time the books were written… 1865. America is tearing itself apart in a civil war that never really heals… and Lewis and Alice are boating down the Thames with friends spinning tall tales. Here is older Alice, holding a copy of the book. This pictures makes me all kinds of happy.
*** sidebar… when writing and referencing Alice Liddell, it’s best to use the picture of her as older. It turns out when you google ‘very young English girls’ a bunch then the cops show up at your door. And then you have to explain has NOTHING to do with the judge’s daughter this time. That was an accident and this was a misunderstanding and no you didn’t hear anything coming from the basement. Good day, sir!”
Favorite boy’s name?
Would you name your child after a character in a book or movie?
Oh… um… no. Of course not. Who would name a kid after a book, or a John Cusack movie? What kind of Blaine would do that? Not me, that’s for sure. No sir, I look to the celebs for naming. Penn (of Penn and Teller), his daughter’s name is ‘Moxy Crimefighter’. She is pretty cool, seen her do magic with her dad. And the great Jason Lee, from all the Kevin Smith movies… his son is named Pilot Inspektor.
*** not quite related, but I am happy to report Jason Lee is long gone from Scientology. LOVE me some Jason Lee… especially since he left the cult of Xenu. Beck? I am looking in your direction.