Friday Fives – Batman did it!

What’s a casual saying that got so popular because it was said in a movie?

You know we need, Wondermutt?  Besides bread… a woman who appreciates us!

Now… that may not yet be an iconic line, but it just means you haven’t seen the best bad movie ever – Summer School.

What movie should never have been made?

Many would say Summer School.  I am going to go with the third Matrix.  However, I have never seen it.  Saw the first one, and I think it is one of the greatest and most important sci fi action films ever made.  THEN… I saw the second one.  I don’t even think I finished it.  It was so convoluted.  When these force these trilogies, it doesn’t seem to work.  Look at the Star Wars prequels!  I mean, aside from that cool ass scene where dude turns into Vader in the lava… did you really need the last 2 movies?  Phantom Menace was awesome… but the other two sucked.  Same with Bill & Ted sequel.  Many say the same about the Godfather films, but I thought all three were great.

So… lets’ answer that question by saying the third movie in just about every trilogy.

Perhaps my favorite movie of all time is ‘a Fish Called Wanda’.  This film is a landmark and a masterpiece… and I can prove it.  Kevin Kline won a best supporting actor Oscar for his portrayal of Otto.  Comedy films don’t get Oscars.   EVER.  In fact,l I think in the history of Oscars, only 2 men have won best supporting actor for a comedy role.  Kevin Kline, and Alan Arkin from ‘Little Miss Sunshine’.  My point being… they kinda made a sequel to that movie.  Not in story or character, sadly… just the cast.  The ‘sequel’ was called ‘fierce creatures’, or something like that.

What book/play should be made into a movie?

The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto.  I am reading this right now.  Well, listening to it.  So, of course I am casting the film in my mind.  For the adult version of Frankie, I had Chris Cornell in mind.  True story, and then Cornell died like a week after I started the book.  So, that is gone to shit.  Thanks a lot, Cornell!  This book just came out in the fall, though, so it’s very possible it will get optioned.  It’s a hell of a story, and this writer is a big deal.  He wrote Tuesday’s with Maury.. the most boring title ever!

What movie utilized a song to its fullest potential?

Ooh, that is fun.  We talk a lot about movies, and even more about music.  We need to do that.  I think I have to go with Aretha Franklin breaking in to ‘r-e-s-p-e-c-t’ as a waitress in the Blues Brother’s movie.  I don’t much like musicals… I think it’s a guy thing.  I hate with they force a transition in to song.  However, in the Blues Brothers… all the music was organic

If you were a Gotham villain, how would you piss off Batman?

do genuine good for poor people.  And, of course, employ a publicist.  Look at Hugo Chavez.  That guy was likely an evil genius, and truly was in a comic book cast… against GW Bush.  Bush was busy bungling 2 world wars… all while telling everyone how evil Chavez was (he was the president of Venezuela).  So, Chavez rolls into Manhattan with a tanker truck full of heating oil that his henchmen just gave away to poor people.  True story.  Meanwhile, at that moment, Chavez had to follow BUSH as a speaker at the UN.  He said he could still smell the sulfur from the Diablo standing there before him.  It was pretty great.

Does that not sound like the first 10 minutes of every batman film?  Then… we find out the heating oil was mind control juice… a la Elsinore beer in Strange Brew.  So… that is how I would piss off Batman. I would undermine him with years and years of good deeds.  In the meantime, I am destroying the system from within by virtue of corruption… but externally, I am mister nice guy building parks and stuff.

Scratch that- better idea.   WAY WAY WAY better idea.  Strongly imply it was he who killed his parents.  Turn this whole victim/vigilante story on its head.

This is straight out of the books of Karl Rove, and is a variation on the classic GOP fraud of ‘push polling’.  I go out and I have a press conference.  Unlike every other press conference/event, this one will NOT end in my henchmen destroying the town.  This will be good old fashioned boring politics.  This speech below assumes people do not know he is batman, or that I am Moleculo.  Here is the speech I give:

For too long, there have been whispers and rumors in this town we need to put to rest once and for all.  Like all of you, I have heard too often that it was Bruce Wayne who killed his family.  Like many of you, I have seen evidence that looks incredibly damning.  It is true Bruce and I don’t get along professionally.  That doesn’t mean he killed his family.  Whatever happened long ago in that alley isn’t our business.  The past is the past.  We can not move forward by dwelling on the past.  Even if he did murder his family that night in cold blood as a child, the good work he has done for our community far outweighs it all.  I am also not going to bring up the stories of his father being a bagman for the mafia.  It is absurd.  Until someone can come forward with absolute proof, it is time we embrace Bruce Wayne and stop our silly gossiping.

Push Polling – evil fun with politics

 

I want to talk to you about ‘Push Polling’.  It’s a political trick, and it works.  There is an off year election coming up, so I want you know these tricks.  People say ‘negative campaigning doesn’t work’.  They are wrong, it almost always works.  Push Polling is kinda awesome and brilliant.  It’s also wrong, really deeply morally wrong.

So, here is what Push Polling is.  Let’s say the candidate’s name is Lono.  Let’s say you are the opposition to Lono.  In this scenario, Lono is a Democrat and the opposition is a Republican.  It’s a fair generalization, as this tactic was pioneered by the GOP.  So, they call you and say “if I told you that Lono wanted to murder puppies who don’t pay taxes.  Is that something you would support?”

Now, this is nonsense.  However, now I have to answer questions about puppy murder.  Now the headline in the papers says “candidate Lono denies puppy murder”.  Now, when you type in ‘Lono’ in google, it will auto-complete ‘puppy murder’.  It’s fucked up, and it works.  Shit, just me writing this article will connect those words together.  That is why I use the pseudonym.

Hunter Thompson did this to great effect against Ed Muskie.  He thought it would be funny to spread a rumor that he was hooked on Ibogaine.  It was brilliant, and of course evil.  Most importantly, it worked.  Now this poor Muskie guy is defending himself against a totally fabricated claim.  In fact, when you Wiki ‘Ibogaine’, this scandal comes up.

While in Wisconsin covering the primary election for the United States presidential election of 1972, gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson submitted a satirical article to his editor at Rolling Stone accusing presidential nominee Edmund Muskie of being addicted to ibogaine. When Rolling Stonepublished the piece, many readers, and even other journalists, did not realize that Thompson’s assertion was facetious. The claim was completely unfounded, and Thompson was surprised that anyone believed it.^[69]